Hello,
I'm new here, and joined in order to hopefully get some perspective to my step-parenting problem. I'll make it as brief and to the point as possible.
My husband and I are Christian people, although I am more prone to seeking God in prayer and searching for His guidance. My husband feels that God shows him what is right for him through his conscience and "gut" feelings...which I agree with to a certain degree. However, nothing can replace God's word and seeking God through prayer, in my opinion.
I have 3 grown children, and husband has one grown son. My youngest son, 20 yrs old, lives at home while going to college. He works part time and is a connected part of our family, although no chores are required of him other than cleaning up after himself, which he does for the most part.
My step-son is 22 yrs old, still lives at home, works full-time, pays no rent, gets reimbursed (by us) for special foods he wants to eat. He does no chores around the house, but he does clean up after himself when he cooks (most of the time). He has an addiction to internet pornography, which has been a problem for the entire time of my marriage (9 years next week). He does not connect with us emotionally and has recently become more difficult for me to talk with, and he becomes very argumentative and yells at me.
I have always hoped that when step son grew older we would develop a closer (or at least better) relationship, however that has not happened. We are distant, and pretty much tolerate each other. The porn issue has definitely caused a problem in our relationship, I believe partly because my husband has not been consistent in taking action to either stop it or get my step son the help he needs to fight it. Step son denies any problem with it and considers it normal to view porn all the time, including very graphic and bizarre pornographic videos...including those depicting incest and children. I had a panic attack one night when I encountered these things on his computer when I was trying to shut it down...and my husband at that point finally told step son we were putting a filter on (again) and he would have to pay for it. This only happened after a big argument between them and me telling my husband I would get rid of the internet totally if he didn't do something about it.
Step son insists that if he is using his own computer in his own room with the door closed it should not be an issue and he feels we have no right to control what he does in that case. My husband does not for some reason see the porn as a big problem...he has always maintained that all young men venture into that area at some point, which I do understand. However, I am very convicted that this is very wrong, that we cannot condone this by allowing it to be done in our home, and that we are going against what God requires of us as parents if we simply ignore it as if it were not there. Plus, the damage my step son is experiencing in his emotional health is going to be devastating to him some day, especially if he ever marries.
Step son recently crashed his PC (he has done this to 2 of ours, and 3 of his own) and so went out and bought a new one. He told me he was not allowing me to install the filter on his computer and we ended up having an argument with him yelling at me and saying some very disrespectful things to me. My husband is now saying that he is more concerned about my step son and me building a better relationship than he is about the internet filter and porn...and longer story short, I feel my husband is allowing step son to come between us and it is becoming damaging to our marriage relationship. My husband does not want step son to threaten to move out on bad terms and wants to do whatever he can to avoid that...while trying to fix my relationship with step son. I told him that if he continues to not insist on the filter and condoning the porn being brought into our home then my relationship with step son will suffer still, and our relationship will as well. It already is suffering. We are supposed to have a talk this weekend when I return from being away...and I am fearing that it is not going to end well. I have been in prayer all week, studying God's word, and asking advice of a good and Godly woman friend...I feel even more convicted that I must stand for what I know to be what God wants. I also don't feel my husband is taking a firms stand in supporting me, and is trying to appease his son, while expecting me to just accept his decision. I have done so in the past but feel now that step son is an adult and capable of supporting himself, it is time for him to move out and stop causing serious problems in our home.
I know this ended up being very long, but I really need some more Scripture to support my cause...and any advice that may help in any way.
Thank you.
Lavendergrey
I'm new here, and joined in order to hopefully get some perspective to my step-parenting problem. I'll make it as brief and to the point as possible.
My husband and I are Christian people, although I am more prone to seeking God in prayer and searching for His guidance. My husband feels that God shows him what is right for him through his conscience and "gut" feelings...which I agree with to a certain degree. However, nothing can replace God's word and seeking God through prayer, in my opinion.
I have 3 grown children, and husband has one grown son. My youngest son, 20 yrs old, lives at home while going to college. He works part time and is a connected part of our family, although no chores are required of him other than cleaning up after himself, which he does for the most part.
My step-son is 22 yrs old, still lives at home, works full-time, pays no rent, gets reimbursed (by us) for special foods he wants to eat. He does no chores around the house, but he does clean up after himself when he cooks (most of the time). He has an addiction to internet pornography, which has been a problem for the entire time of my marriage (9 years next week). He does not connect with us emotionally and has recently become more difficult for me to talk with, and he becomes very argumentative and yells at me.
I have always hoped that when step son grew older we would develop a closer (or at least better) relationship, however that has not happened. We are distant, and pretty much tolerate each other. The porn issue has definitely caused a problem in our relationship, I believe partly because my husband has not been consistent in taking action to either stop it or get my step son the help he needs to fight it. Step son denies any problem with it and considers it normal to view porn all the time, including very graphic and bizarre pornographic videos...including those depicting incest and children. I had a panic attack one night when I encountered these things on his computer when I was trying to shut it down...and my husband at that point finally told step son we were putting a filter on (again) and he would have to pay for it. This only happened after a big argument between them and me telling my husband I would get rid of the internet totally if he didn't do something about it.
Step son insists that if he is using his own computer in his own room with the door closed it should not be an issue and he feels we have no right to control what he does in that case. My husband does not for some reason see the porn as a big problem...he has always maintained that all young men venture into that area at some point, which I do understand. However, I am very convicted that this is very wrong, that we cannot condone this by allowing it to be done in our home, and that we are going against what God requires of us as parents if we simply ignore it as if it were not there. Plus, the damage my step son is experiencing in his emotional health is going to be devastating to him some day, especially if he ever marries.
Step son recently crashed his PC (he has done this to 2 of ours, and 3 of his own) and so went out and bought a new one. He told me he was not allowing me to install the filter on his computer and we ended up having an argument with him yelling at me and saying some very disrespectful things to me. My husband is now saying that he is more concerned about my step son and me building a better relationship than he is about the internet filter and porn...and longer story short, I feel my husband is allowing step son to come between us and it is becoming damaging to our marriage relationship. My husband does not want step son to threaten to move out on bad terms and wants to do whatever he can to avoid that...while trying to fix my relationship with step son. I told him that if he continues to not insist on the filter and condoning the porn being brought into our home then my relationship with step son will suffer still, and our relationship will as well. It already is suffering. We are supposed to have a talk this weekend when I return from being away...and I am fearing that it is not going to end well. I have been in prayer all week, studying God's word, and asking advice of a good and Godly woman friend...I feel even more convicted that I must stand for what I know to be what God wants. I also don't feel my husband is taking a firms stand in supporting me, and is trying to appease his son, while expecting me to just accept his decision. I have done so in the past but feel now that step son is an adult and capable of supporting himself, it is time for him to move out and stop causing serious problems in our home.
I know this ended up being very long, but I really need some more Scripture to support my cause...and any advice that may help in any way.
Thank you.
Lavendergrey
