Need opinions

[eatenbylocusts]

Here's the scenario: Guy calls girl early afternoon and asks if she would like to get together later that day. Girl says yes and suggests going to sports store that he likes so that camping equipment can be purchased for her son's upcoming camp and suggests a walk near said store since both want to get some exercise. Both parties have appts at 2:30 and his may take quite a while since it is a Dr. appt where he had to wait 2 hours before. By 6 pm girl is wondering what is going on and leaves a message on his cell asking him to call. By 6:30 or so girl is ticked and leaves a second message asking guy to let her know what is going on. After 7 guy calls back. Girl asks if everything is ok. Guy says he decided that he couldn't afford the gas to come down (we're about 30 miles apart). Guy says he got out of appt at 5:30. Girl says she should've received a phone call when he decided he wasn't going to come. Guy says he's calling now. Girl says they had tentative plans, he says no because they never set a time.
Guy was supposed to come down Fri possibly and spend night with girl's family so they could get to a relationship seminar early Sat. Guy will not acknowledge that he did anything wrong and girl is wondering if they should even be going to seminar together at this point because she can't tolerate this.
I had just sat down to dinner when he called me. He refuses to admit that he did anything wrong and I suggested that most people would see it differently. At that he started raising his voice saying he didn't care what other people thought. I told him I was going to eat dinner with my family and we could talk later if he wanted. I'm not sure what I'm going to say when I talk to him, but a break up is a possibility. Actually we are not in a committed dating relationship at this time, but marriage was still supposed to be a possibility. Given the scenario-is there any possibility that he is right?

 

[peanutbutter12]

Wow, this was like one of those "train leaves california goint 40mph" math questions that sent my mind boggling at 6am.

The way I see it is a miscommunication leading to a misunderstanding. Honestly, just let it go. It doesn't matter who is wrong or right. Unless you want to have it end over something superficial like this, I would really suggest not letting it get to you. It seems to me from your post that you've brought it up more than a couple times with him over the past few days and it's become an issue and he is obviously getting more irritated about it if he's raising his voice.

CJ

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Wow, this was like one of those "train leaves california goint 40mph" math questions that sent my mind boggling at 6am.

The way I see it is a miscommunication leading to a misunderstanding. Honestly, just let it go. It doesn't matter who is wrong or right. Unless you want to have it end over something superficial like this, I would really suggest not letting it get to you. It seems to me from your post that you've brought it up more than a couple times with him over the past few days and it's become an issue and he is obviously getting more irritated about it if he's raising his voice.

CJ

This just happened yesterday, so please don't assume that I've been nagging him for days. This type of situation has happened before. The previous time we talked about getting together the next day and how it might be possible to go to my brother's if he ended up having a bar-b-que. The following day he didn't call or return my message until late in the afternoon.

We talked/argued for more than 5 hours last night. Some of it was just ridiculous and I tried to end the convsersation several times since he had to work the next day. Now he's taking care of patients after having slept only 2 hours and that worries me. After an hour he finally said he was sorry that I waited for him. He still says that stating, "I wanted to know if you wanted to get together today." and me saying, "Yes, lets go....", doesn't constitute tentative plans that warranted a phone call before 7:15 pm. I just don't get it. He says that he will try to be more clear in the future and not bring up possibilities until he has definite plans. He went looking for apartments after his Dr. appt., but he went home and watched the news before he decided to call me back. We are speaking the same language, aren't we?

 

[peanutbutter12]

Some guys are like this. Especially if they aren't in a committed relationship like you said you aren't. *shrugs* Ride it out and see what happens.

CJ

 

[Arclight610]

This is one of the problems that result in the death's of many relationships. They end because of the exacerbation of trivial matters! Let it go, don't make it a bigger deal than it is. If it becomes a habit, then you may have concern. Everyone makes mistakes though. If you truly care about this person and can see yourself being with him long-term, then you need to acknowledge each other's weaknesses.

 

[Inperfected]

Realistically, if this is the guy you speak of all the time... and MANY have said this... you need to let him go.. He's only disrespecting you.

Do you want that role model for others to follow?

 

[faerieevaH]

Doesn't seem like the right guy who wants to commit. If you make an appointment to see eachother, if you decide otherwise, you call.
Now if this was a communication misunderstanding pure and simple, you'ld have told him you were upset about it and he'ld have said he was sorry and would try to remember to call you earlier. Instead... he didn't acknowledge a fault or didn't even acknowledge that he hurt you. Plus... he raised his voice.

In my opinion, yes you should break up with this guy. While it may be that 'many men are like this'... this just means that too many women are letting them get away with it, or are nagging them about it but still going out with them. A one time occurance (or often occurance) of forgetfulness is one thing, but the disrespect and the refusal to even attempt to see the other side... that's a sign of a man who should not be in a relationship.

 

[princessellie]

the seminar would def bring things like this to the surface, even though a time wasnt set it is just curtousy to make a call to let you know he wasnt coming, i wouldnt be standing for him raising his voice to you either, long distance things can be hard if you love him see if it will work but if it is no where near that serious yet id be giving it some serious analysis

 

[Chan1976]

Even a friend should have the courtesy to call if he/she could not make the tentative plan (and yes I do think it is one from what you have described), let alone someone whom you are dating. It probably reflects the amount of importance he placed on the plan.