Need help with a complicated situation

[MaddieD]

I was raised in 'Charismatic' and 'Word of faith' type denominations. There was a lot of abuse - both religious and family abuse going on. Regardless, I believed everything that I was taught, and eventually learned not to even ask questions when things did not make sense. Any denomination that did not have physical manifestations of people being "moved by the spirit" was mocked and called a "dead church". I didn't want to be "dead" so I avoided them at all costs.

Eventually, things started getting a little too weird for me to refrain from becoming skeptical, and I started becoming very drawn to a Christian Missionary Alliance church in my neighborhood (a "dead" church). I started attending, and was fed the TRUE Word of God. I joined a bible study and was taught the true meaning of the Gospel and introduced to Ligonier Ministries. It quickly became painfully clear that I had been mislead. It felt as though I had escaped from a cult, and in a lot of ways, I did. I developed post traumatic stress disorder and became very fearful of my mother finding out that I had left the Charismatic denomination.

Over the next 6 months or so, I managed to detach and distance myself from my family of origin and begin to start the healing process. Then, suddenly, my father passed away and I found myself enmeshed in the world of the Charismatic again - only this time, it's repulsing to me.

As the eldest child, I feel as though it's my duty to take care of my mother during her time of grief, and also I feel that it is what my father would have wanted, and I want to honor him by comforting her. However, the majority of the things she wants to talk about involve mysticism and things that I want nothing to do with. She keeps telling me that a 'prophet' at her church told her that God told him that my father would visit her in dreams. She's started having dreams of my father visiting her, and she is absolutely convinced that this is God's way of comforting her. I see clearly that the bible frowns upon contact with the dead and that Jesus himself is our comforter, and it makes me extremely uncomfortable to have to sit and listen to her talk about this. I'm terrified to tell her that I believe it is wrong though because she will most likely verbally abuse me in response (and continue to do so when I see her at later dates). Not to mention, it will also make her extremely upset, which I do not want to do during this time. On the other hand, I don't want her to get the impression that I think this is OK, because I do not. I've been doing my best to change the subject or leave the room, but avoiding the topic isn't going to work forever. Not to mention, if she isn't talking about the dead visiting her in dreams, she's talking about some other equally disturbing manifestation.

I'm also very concerned about my mothers salvation. I feel like if I say or do the wrong thing, she'll never listen to a word that I have to say. She's the kind of person who absolutely cannot be wrong, and she will go to great lengths to delude herself into believing that her experiences are genuine and that anyone who does not believe in them is being controlled by the devil in order to derail the plan of God. I'm grieving too, and I really don't feel like being yelled at and told that I'm being controlled by the devil right now.

I just don't know what to do here. I feel as though I have to spend a lot of time comforting my mother, but it is very difficult to actually spend any time in her presence. I'm afraid of her verbally abusing me, so I just keep my mouth shut and let her say whatever she wants. I'm even nervous about writing this, in case she somehow finds it and uses it to abuse me.

Please advise me on how I should handle this. Thank you so much.

 

[bsd058]

I was raised in 'Charismatic' and 'Word of faith' type denominations. There was a lot of abuse - both religious and family abuse going on. Regardless, I believed everything that I was taught, and eventually learned not to even ask questions when things did not make sense. Any denomination that did not have physical manifestations of people being "moved by the spirit" was mocked and called a "dead church". I didn't want to be "dead" so I avoided them at all costs.

Eventually, things started getting a little too weird for me to refrain from becoming skeptical, and I started becoming very drawn to a Christian Missionary Alliance church in my neighborhood (a "dead" church). I started attending, and was fed the TRUE Word of God. I joined a bible study and was taught the true meaning of the Gospel and introduced to Ligonier Ministries. It quickly became painfully clear that I had been mislead. It felt as though I had escaped from a cult, and in a lot of ways, I did. I developed post traumatic stress disorder and became very fearful of my mother finding out that I had left the Charismatic denomination.

Over the next 6 months or so, I managed to detach and distance myself from my family of origin and begin to start the healing process. Then, suddenly, my father passed away and I found myself enmeshed in the world of the Charismatic again - only this time, it's repulsing to me.

As the eldest child, I feel as though it's my duty to take care of my mother during her time of grief, and also I feel that it is what my father would have wanted, and I want to honor him by comforting her. However, the majority of the things she wants to talk about involve mysticism and things that I want nothing to do with. She keeps telling me that a 'prophet' at her church told her that God told him that my father would visit her in dreams. She's started having dreams of my father visiting her, and she is absolutely convinced that this is God's way of comforting her. I see clearly that the bible frowns upon contact with the dead and that Jesus himself is our comforter, and it makes me extremely uncomfortable to have to sit and listen to her talk about this. I'm terrified to tell her that I believe it is wrong though because she will most likely verbally abuse me in response (and continue to do so when I see her at later dates). Not to mention, it will also make her extremely upset, which I do not want to do during this time. On the other hand, I don't want her to get the impression that I think this is OK, because I do not. I've been doing my best to change the subject or leave the room, but avoiding the topic isn't going to work forever. Not to mention, if she isn't talking about the dead visiting her in dreams, she's talking about some other equally disturbing manifestation.

I'm also very concerned about my mothers salvation. I feel like if I say or do the wrong thing, she'll never listen to a word that I have to say. She's the kind of person who absolutely cannot be wrong, and she will go to great lengths to delude herself into believing that her experiences are genuine and that anyone who does not believe in them is being controlled by the devil in order to derail the plan of God. I'm grieving too, and I really don't feel like being yelled at and told that I'm being controlled by the devil right now.

I just don't know what to do here. I feel as though I have to spend a lot of time comforting my mother, but it is very difficult to actually spend any time in her presence. I'm afraid of her verbally abusing me, so I just keep my mouth shut and let her say whatever she wants. I'm even nervous about writing this, in case she somehow finds it and uses it to abuse me.

Please advise me on how I should handle this. Thank you so much.

I, too, go to a Missionary Alliance church. I grew up pentecostal, and I can tell you that the thing that brought me out of it was Jesus' words: "And Scripture cannot be broken."

I know many children grow up in the charismatic movement learning from the Bible, but not understanding the authority it actually has over the church. It is God's rule of law over us.

To start, pray. God hears us and answers our prayer. Ask for wisdom, and do not doubt that He will give it to you. Because he really will. He never ever lets us down when it comes to wisdom. He always gives exactly as we need, and generously. Sometimes he calls some of us to suffering for a time. The suffering is never forever, though. It lasts a moment.

I know I've had to reprimand some of my family members (who calls themselves prophets, but inward are ravenous wolves) who view the Bible as good, but not as the ONLY sufficient standard for Christian living. Sometimes, you have to remind them that many false prophets have gone into the world. I feel as though (looking back) the charismatic movement is largely based on neo-gnosticism. Emphasis on spiritual things, and carnal living (health, wealth, and everything else Satan tempts us with as he tempted Jesus in Matthew 4).

See here to see why we, as the church, despise divination (which is what your mother is involved in): Talking to the Dead - What Does the Bible Say About Talking to the Dead?

Remember, that sometimes if someone you love won't listen to you, you should come to them with an equally loved member of their congregation or yours (assuming they agree with you). If she still refuses, it might be wise to talk to her pastor (assuming he is against divination, which most are) and tell him your concern. If he won't do anything about it, then continue to pray and be patient. It is God who changes hearts. Possibly, for a time, she will remain in deception. I know I'm slowly convincing my dad of charismatic dangers. Sometimes you just need to be patient and continue to plant the seed of the Word of God in them. They won't be able to resist if God draws them.

Pray and teach. Especially with your life. If she accuses you of being evil, just don't let it phase you. Stay calm and don't retaliate. I wouldn't even show your frustration. Just stay silent and let her think about what she is telling you. Sometimes silence can be the best teacher, in that sense. The best thing you can do when she tells you about Satan's control over you is to tell her that you still love her, and you pray to God everyday for her, with a smile on your face. Even telling her that she can talk to you if she is struggling with her husband's death.

Eventually she'll see how foolish her ways are. Sometimes, you don't answer a fool according to their folly. And this can be a good way to use that strategy.

In saying all of this, be obedient to the Spirit of God. He will give you wisdom as to how to handle every situation. Here's to trusting God in everything. Even when we are hurt.

 

[cubanito]

Jesus said He came to bring a sword that would set mother against daughter. I pray for you and your mother. I do not know anything else I can say. My own parents are not Christian, though they claim to be. When I first believed, as a teenager, they forbade me from reading the Bible, having Christian friends or going to Church. It got so bad I once stole a Bible from a Church in my rebellion. While as an adult I am now free of that opression and I have spoken much to them, it has so far been of no use. Relations have always been very difficult.

I can't fix my problem. I can;t give you advice on yours. I can pray.

JR

 

[Apologetic_Warrior]

I was raised in 'Charismatic' and 'Word of faith' type denominations. There was a lot of abuse - both religious and family abuse going on. Regardless, I believed everything that I was taught, and eventually learned not to even ask questions when things did not make sense. Any denomination that did not have physical manifestations of people being "moved by the spirit" was mocked and called a "dead church". I didn't want to be "dead" so I avoided them at all costs.

Eventually, things started getting a little too weird for me to refrain from becoming skeptical, and I started becoming very drawn to a Christian Missionary Alliance church in my neighborhood (a "dead" church). I started attending, and was fed the TRUE Word of God. I joined a bible study and was taught the true meaning of the Gospel and introduced to Ligonier Ministries. It quickly became painfully clear that I had been mislead. It felt as though I had escaped from a cult, and in a lot of ways, I did. I developed post traumatic stress disorder and became very fearful of my mother finding out that I had left the Charismatic denomination.

Over the next 6 months or so, I managed to detach and distance myself from my family of origin and begin to start the healing process. Then, suddenly, my father passed away and I found myself enmeshed in the world of the Charismatic again - only this time, it's repulsing to me.

As the eldest child, I feel as though it's my duty to take care of my mother during her time of grief, and also I feel that it is what my father would have wanted, and I want to honor him by comforting her. However, the majority of the things she wants to talk about involve mysticism and things that I want nothing to do with. She keeps telling me that a 'prophet' at her church told her that God told him that my father would visit her in dreams. She's started having dreams of my father visiting her, and she is absolutely convinced that this is God's way of comforting her. I see clearly that the bible frowns upon contact with the dead and that Jesus himself is our comforter, and it makes me extremely uncomfortable to have to sit and listen to her talk about this. I'm terrified to tell her that I believe it is wrong though because she will most likely verbally abuse me in response (and continue to do so when I see her at later dates). Not to mention, it will also make her extremely upset, which I do not want to do during this time. On the other hand, I don't want her to get the impression that I think this is OK, because I do not. I've been doing my best to change the subject or leave the room, but avoiding the topic isn't going to work forever. Not to mention, if she isn't talking about the dead visiting her in dreams, she's talking about some other equally disturbing manifestation.

I'm also very concerned about my mothers salvation. I feel like if I say or do the wrong thing, she'll never listen to a word that I have to say. She's the kind of person who absolutely cannot be wrong, and she will go to great lengths to delude herself into believing that her experiences are genuine and that anyone who does not believe in them is being controlled by the devil in order to derail the plan of God. I'm grieving too, and I really don't feel like being yelled at and told that I'm being controlled by the devil right now.

I just don't know what to do here. I feel as though I have to spend a lot of time comforting my mother, but it is very difficult to actually spend any time in her presence. I'm afraid of her verbally abusing me, so I just keep my mouth shut and let her say whatever she wants. I'm even nervous about writing this, in case she somehow finds it and uses it to abuse me.

Please advise me on how I should handle this. Thank you so much.

My parents were involved with an Assembly of God Church when I was a kid, so I come from a charismatic Pentecostal background. In all honesty, it sounds like your mom takes Pentecostalism to extremes my parents never did...so it is difficult to advise. My mom was raised Presbyterian so it's easier for me to talk to her. Though she attends a Pentecostal Church with dad, she tells me she is a Presbyterian. My dad and his dad and his dad's dad have been charismatic Pentecostals their entire lives. My dad is similar to your mom in that, he cannot be wrong. However, I've never had to fear talking about my disagreements with him, he would never accuse me of being controlled by the devil. I've had a few somewhat heated conversations with him, and I think over time, he's loosened up a little, or more tolerant. So my situation while similar is different, and it's difficult to advise to your situation. Love, patience, and mercy is all you can give until or unless the Lord affords you an opportunity to speak your mind. In the mean time, I would just leave hints of what is most important, what I mean is, maybe try and help your mom see the truth, without smacking her in the face with it. Does she not think those "dead" Churches have any Christians in them? Does she have any background knowledge of the history of charismatics and Pentecostalism? There are different angles to come from and approaches, but here again, it's difficult to give anything more than ideas. If your mom believes the Bible as Protestants do, I would take disagreements there, and allow Scripture to settle them, though perhaps without resolve, as there is a deep "spiritual pride" within many charismatic/Pentecostals which only God Himself can penetrate. May God give you the love, peace, strength, and courage to handle the situation with you mom. May God open your mom's eyes to the unconditional love of God, to His sovereign grace, to Him who is merciful and would have us to be merciful. amen.