Need help from the ladies......

[NitrousInfected]

I have heard from a number of people that if you want a better relationship, be a better husband. Well no one has ever elaborated on what that means. I realize that it is different for everyone, but just curious what women would say to do to become a better husband?

 

[LiberatedChick]

I think it depends on the relationship and people involved. What it basically means though is that don't work on changing them or the relationship...change yourself. This goes both ways though. For example, I don't look for ways that I could get my husband to improve instead I look for ways in which I can change and I can improve myself and then find things are better in response to that. However, as everyone and every relationship is different I think it's impossible to give a list of things that'd make someone a better husband.

 

[heartnsoul]

I have heard from a number of people that if you want a better relationship, be a better husband. Well no one has ever elaborated on what that means. I realize that it is different for everyone, but just curious what women would say to do to become a better husband?

As a general statement, I would say that if a husband does and says things that makes his wife happy, then that would make a better husband. Oftentimes, the husband does or says things that *he* thinks should be pleasing to his wife. It's getting to know your wife well enough to learn what puts a smile on her face and a sparkle in her eye. It's easier said than done because in marriages, the egos get in the way and partners often take each other for granted after so many years. Keeping the passion alive requires daily commitment to God and 110% effort by both parties in the marriage.

 

[Changed]

Well- I will cut to the chase,and tell you what "most" women find attractive/appealing/worthy in their hubbies! One who has a good relationship w/ his kids and doesn't feel like they are a burden. A hubby who likes to spend time w/ his wife,and not watching sports,playing video games etc,every chance he gets! To be spontaneous when it comes to "dates". My hubby doesn't understand why I get so excited when he helps out around the house(especially if i am exhausted)

Well I don't want to overwhelm you but you asked :lol
Oh yes and I concur w/ it takes two to make a succesful marriage-but that's not what you asked

 

[Melbelle]

If its a phsycal thing then try this. First is your wife a SAHM? If so then her duty of course is to watch the kids and keep house, well when you get home look at the house as her place of business and respect the work she does by picking up after your self because your not the only one who worked someone has to clean the house and someone has to tend to the kids, the house is her job and if you dirty something clean it don't make more work on her. Like I tell my husband I dont' go to your job and dirty up the things you have already cleaned or mess up something you already put together, so don't come to my job and dirty it up.

If She is a working mom/wife then maybe take part and help her clean the house.

If its a mental thing your talking about, take time off of what ever it is you do after work and spend time with her and let her know how much you love and care for her, if its just a rose you buy for her or dinner you cook for her give her a break and show her that you do care.

 

[alaskamolly]

For me, the number one thing that is attractive is a man who is going hot guns after God. A man thirsty for Yahweh naturally becomes a better man--in all aspects--leadership, servanthood, husband, father, etc...


As for specifics, every woman is different. Other than a man who bends and scrapes to try and be whatever it is his woman likes. That is repulsive to me, and I think most other women. If we'd wanted a mouse, we would have married one! Though we sometimes stamp and selfishly demand our way, we really don't want you to give in to us all the time! (Oh, the paradox of feminine whinings!) We lose respect for you if we see you bending and bowing to please us, as if we were the greatest thing in all the world. We know that while our fleshly side WANTS you to think that, our greater side (the spiritual) wants you to find purpose and delight in something or Someone higher than us. You need to be going somewhere...and we'd love to go with you!


I like a man who is STRONG in himself (stronger than me--and that was a hard man to find ), and knows how to command, knows where he's going and is going there (whether you're coming or not, though he certainly hopes you will)...yet is gentle and tender, very thoughtful and kind, paying attention to small details and always reaching out to find a way to bless you.

...Hey, wait, I just described my man!
He's such a good husband! Sigh...

But he wasn't always this way. (I've known him since Jr. High)...

When he met God, as a young college-age man, and started chasing after Him 100%, this "guy I knew" became the hottest thing I'd ever seen, and I knew he was the man I wanted for LIFE...

God has made him into all that he is today, and I know God is continually chipping and hammering and tenderly polishing him into greater and greater manhood. So that's why a thirst for God is my number one thing. It covers all the rest.


My Two Pennies Worth!

Blessings,
Molly

 

[Emma!]

For me, the number one thing that is attractive is a man who is going hot guns after God. A man thirsty for Yahweh naturally becomes a better man--in all aspects--leadership, servanthood, husband, father, etc...

A thirst for God is my number one thing. It covers all the rest.

A HUGE that is ALL i want (and have ), honestly ALL else falls into place when your after Gods heart!!

The only other thing i will add is a man that is HUMBLE before God, willing to learn, grow and be changed by God. A humble man that wants to grow with me (his wife), and can also learn from me as i learn from him too.

Its all about God, i believe that if there are problems in a relationship it is (in almost ALL cases (if not all)) a direct result of the relationships that the two have (personally) with God...and also the relationship as a couple they have with God.

Thats my advice to you, fix your eyes on God and He will do the rest!!

oh, and just to add......the times that i feel closest (in EVERY WAY) to my husband is when my husband is close to God.....its because i can see God shining out of him and i want to be SO close to that in every way....naturally then, i WANT to submit to him, i want to be with him physically , i want to respect him in all ways, i want to help him out, and be around him ALL THE TIME (thats why i married him!!!! lol) etc etc.

Its a snow ball affect.....everything falls into its right order and place, because He loves God and is getting closer to Him....he is naturally showing me that love that Bible says he should.....then i naturally want to do all the things that the Bible says i should.

All the best, Gods blessings on you both.....i think its great to see you trying to please your wife!

 

[Jenna]

The Bible is a really awesome place to look for help when determining what makes a "better" man and husband. I think that it would make a wonderful topic of study for the long term. There sure is a lot of widsom between the covers of that book, and I have yet to hear from a Christian woman who was in opposition of a man taking up the qualities that God praises. While different women want different things from their men, there are some things that are constants. All of those are covered in God's Word.

 

[Mrs. Enigma]

The things that help in our relationship are that I see my hubby read the Bible and actually consider what God wants of him, and that he is serious about God. This makes me feel more secure in trusting him and leaning on him and letting him lead.
Also when he is loving towards the kids, that draws me to him, because the kids are part of me.
The fact that he would rather be with me and play with me than to be off with the guys or something.
He helps out where he sees I need help with kids or housework.
He is responsible with money and a good worker.
He won't let me lead or boss him around, and he won't do things all my way. This relieves me of the stress of leading, and it makes me feel like he is very manly. I mean, what hero in any women's book, has ever gone around doing what some women pressured him to do. I want a hero. They do not go around slobbering at some girls feet.
Also, my hubby listens to me like he is a pschyciatrist, or something. He will say," And how did that make you feel?" Or he will repeat what I just said to him, like," So, you are saying that you feel really hurt and angry right now." That way, I feel heard and cared for, and he is not arguing or giving in to anything, and yet it helps a lot. He has learned that I need the assurance, love and comforting more than I need an answer to my quetions, and more than I need him to do anything about my problems.
Also, he is no bum. At home he works around the house doing what he wants to do, or he goes online or plays games. I can participate or be right there with him and I like that.
I like how my hubby is steady and dependable. I like how he has hardly ever raised his voice to me and will refuse to argue.
He gives of himself, and always seems to be concerned about what responsibilities he should be performing.
He wants to improve himself. He is not into sports and never watches TV.
He avoids porn.
He is forgiving and long-suffering.
There,that gives you a glimpse into what the best husband is like. He tries to act like Jesus, and love me like Christ loves the church.

 

[keirasmommy]

My husband does the chores that neither of us want to do.

He listens with genuine interest when I talk.

He lets me watch what I want on TV

Even though he works hard physically, everyday, he sympathises with me when I complain about my minor aches and pains.

He loves to just shut off the TV and have time where we sit and talk.

He constantly tells me how beautiful I look. Even when I'm wearing 10 year old sweatpants and one of his T-Shirts. and even when my face is covered with blemishes.

He makes me feel like I'm really smart. He accepts my new, crazy ideas most of the time.

When I completely destroy dinner, he eats it, claiming it is the best food he's ever tasted.

He buys me little presents on a regular basis.

He tells me that I'm a great mother.

He trusts me with his money.

He does what is best for his family.

 

[bliz]

Hey, kierasmomy - what exactly does your husband look like and where do you live???? Becasue your man sounds a whole lot like mine!!
_____

I can't begin to tell you how incredibly attractive and sexy my husband becomes to me when he has been lovingly, on his own initiative, doing stuff with and for our kids. They way to a woman's heart? Through her kids!

When he listens to me... does not cut me off assuming he knows what I am going to say, but makes eye contact, asks intellegent follow-up questions... when he really listens to me, WOW!

Great sex at night begins in the kitchen in the morning.

 

[NitrousInfected]

I just wanted to take a moment to thank you all very much, believe it or not everything that each of you has said has given me something to think about and something to work on. My wife is a believer, but not so much a student or practioner of God. I am trying to get her involved in the things at our church, and she doesnt feel the need to be in church everytime the doors open, I do not push her, because I was pushed toward church for a long time before getting saved, and I rebeled as hard as I could from it. and i do not want that for my wife. I was just thinking that if I can become a better husband maybe she would want to become a part of my growth in God. It is hard to keep seeking God and a closer relationship with him, when the second most important thing in my life seems to want nothing to do with it. Ya know? But i pray through and press onward. Excuse me for getting little off topic.

But again Thank You All very much.

 

[heartnsoul]

Nitrousinfected,

I feel your pain. All marriages have its struggles and challenges. You're not alone. The important thing is to focus on your *own* walk with God. When all is said and done, it really won't matter what others think about us...it's what God thinks of us that really matters, true? Keep the faith. You can be rest assured knowing that God is always working in every marriage.

 

[bliz]

Nitrousinfected,

Your comments are hardly off topic! I think they are at the heart of the topic! Our lives are not broken down into nice, neat compartments. Our physical, sexual, spiritual, social, intellectual lives all impact one another and they all flow togethr and intermingle. What may start off as a social moment, can become a very spioritual one. God made us this way!

I think you are very wise not to push your wife to be at church every time the door opens or you choose to go.

In many ways, you will be Jesus Christ to your wife. What she sees in you and in how you treat her can be an example of how God treats her and how He loves her. That's an awsome responsibility and opportinity!

I would strongly encourage you to get some friends who will commit to pray daily for you on this very matter - that you will model Christ to your wife. Get some friends to commit to pray for just one day a week, but cover all the days. Knowing that you have this kind of dedicated spiritual support can be a great help.

 

[brokenbananas]

I agree with the other women. It really boils down to the husband's relationship with God. If he has a heart after God, then everything else will be fine....The reason why I say this is because I know that as he seeks after God, he will love and cherish me as the Bible says he should....and be the godly father, husband, friend, lover, etc.

I don't think it really matters that much whether the woman or man both work, or one or the other works. If their eyes are focused on Jesus, they will put each other above themselves...and God before each other or themselves. This could get to be a really complicated question with a very long answer, but I'll keep this short.

God doesn't expect perfection from people and he knows that it's a wonderful journey.

Be Blessed,
Doris

 

[NitrousInfected]

ok everyone says pursue God with all my heart and this will make me a better husband, My question is will it effect my wife in the same manner that it would affect you ladies?? She is not at all excited about pursuing God or serving God for that matter. Will this still bring the same effect on her that it would on a woman that is actively pursuing Gods heart?
Thank you all again for all the prayers and advice, they are all greatly appreciated.

 

[murron]

ok everyone says pursue God with all my heart and this will make me a better husband, My question is will it effect my wife in the same manner that it would affect you ladies?? She is not at all excited about pursuing God or serving God for that matter. Will this still bring the same effect on her that it would on a woman that is actively pursuing Gods heart?
Thank you all again for all the prayers and advice, they are all greatly appreciated.

Hope I don't make anyone mad with my response - but, no, it probably won't affect her the way you want it to, at first. If she isn't interested in seeking/following God she probably isn't going to care (initially) where your motivation comes from. However, it is a great opportunity for you to set an example and through gentleness perhaps guide her to (or back to) God by example. But, it's also a touchy area and if she feels there is even a hint of 'holier than thou' coming through, it will have the oppositve effect of what you want.
That said, I think there are some universal things that make a person attractive - and it boils down to the Golden Rule. And like everything, there's a drawback. The Golden Rule isn't a two way street, even though it sounds like it is. At this point I'm going to assume that you have a healthy relationship and not expound on the two way street comment.
The single most important thing you can do (both of you actually) is view your relationship through the eyes of the other person. I'll use my own marriage as an example. Hubby works 6 days a week. I'm a SAHM. He comes home tired and sore, hungry and ready to kick off his boots and relax. On the other hand, I've been cooped up in the house all week, with a 4 year old for conversation and nothing but housework to pass the time. I'm ready to go out. Sooo, I am understanding of his work and feelings and I don't push him to take me out or go to the store with me. I don't ask him to do chores around the house beyond those things I can't do (like plumbing). Once in a while he takes out the trash or helps me pick up if we are having a dinner party. In return, he understands that I HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE once in a while. So we established 'date night' and once a month we get a babysitter and he takes me out to a nice dinner (nice dinner is defined as anything that does not involve drive thru and happy meal toys, styrofoam containers, plastic trays and lines, plastic silverware or paper sacks) and either a movie or window shopping (yes, I'm one of those odd women who enjoys window shopping without purchasing).
The second thing is to realize that women are emotional, men tend to compartmentalize emotions (forgive me, I just listened to an excellent diatribute on Focus on the Family Sunday on this topic, and compartmentalize was one of the words, lol). When we get upset we tend to want to talk, and rejection of hashing it out is akin to rejection of us. So, respect her emotions and be clear when you don't want to talk that you are not rejecting her - don't assume that she should know this, make it completely clear, politely and lovingly.
Hope that helps a bit.

 

[NitrousInfected]

I just wanted to take a moment to say Thank You to all of you. I have found much wisdom and understanding in all of you and it is greatly appreciated, God bless you all!! And just for the information of those of you that asked and/or made reference too SAHM, she is a SAHM of 4 and she is a wonderful woman, and I love her dearly, even though I dont like her very much at times. But I am sure that is a mutual feeling as i would suspect it is in most any relationship. I greatly appreciate any and all prayers on this matter. Also much prayers are needed for another reason, today I am giving my addiction to cigarettes to God and I know Satan will take this oppurtunity to attack me, but I dont care, God has put it in my heart that he wanted the cigarettes, and I am going to offer them up to him. So pray for me please

 

[NitrousInfected]

Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLIZ!!!!