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Never mind, I see your problem.
I had two children with my ex...A son and a daughter. When my son went with his father, child support was null and void because we each were domiciliary for one child. We settled on each parent being financially responsible for the child with whom the parent lived.
I don't think I made a mistake in my divorce, because my ex and I each retained what was nearest and dearest to our hearts...For me, it was the kids and abuse-free living, and for him, it was his possessions. My son went to live with him because he missed his daddy, not because the father particularly wanted the child back. I'm watching my son suffer through that now, and it's heart-rending. Rejection isn't something that a child expects when he remembers a different Daddy from when his parents were "together". My son now both mistrusts and fears his own father, and there's nothing I can do about it.
Attorneys are vital, because they know the law better than the average person does. In the grief and shock of a divorce, one doesn't always think clearly. You get an attorney to interpret those laws and file what needs to be filed, because in most cases, the other spouse isn't normally going to hand you things on a silver platter. Divorces can and do get ugly, and I'm betting beyond a doubt that yours got uglier than most.
Obviously, it varies from state to state, but most legal aid facilities will put you in touch with a
pro bono (or in layman's terms, free) attorney for representation.
I'm not going to quibble about how much you pay, but it's disheartening to see that you begrudge that money going to your children...Or resent your ex-wife for having to pay her that money.
When we make children, we make an obligation that goes on for the rest of the child's life. The parent who actually raises the children on a day-to-day basis and incurs expenses in raising those children is entitled to support from the non-custodial parent.
If you're unhappy with that fact, perhaps you should request to become custodial.
At the very least, move beyond your bitterness and anger, because that will color your children's perception of you for the rest of
their life. Children have a knack of remembering when Mommy hangs up the phone sobbing, or of hearing Daddy shout bitterly, or hurtful comments made by one parent regarding the other parent. Speak with any adult child of divorce, and ask them what they remember. Believe me, you'll cringe in shame when you hear your own actions echoed in the sad words of a child who remembers someone else's divorce. It took me years to learn that fact; hopefully it won't take you as long.
And one of the reasons I love my second husband so much is because of his heart. When his child support was figured, it was done from both the father's and the mother's income. My husband requested that it be only 40% of what the state mandated, because he wanted no more support for the kids than what he actually required in expenses. He didn't "bleed her dry", although he could have. Yes, the judge thought he was missing a few marbles.
And through the years, when she needed him, he helped. Three years after the divorce, she got beaten so badly by her boyfriend that she lost her baby...Her ex was the one who got her out of that place, helped her press charges, and found her a place to stay. My friend, could you be that generous to your ex three years post-divorce?
His actions of grace during his divorce have borne fruit, because his ex knows that he would never, ever take advantage of her, and that he honors her as the mother of their children. It's because of that basis that she and I were able to develop a friendship, instead of her resenting me. It's because of those factors that she doesn't resent paying her part of the kids' financial burden. I've learned through my second husband that a soft word turneth away wrath.
I've tried being just as kind to my ex...Perhaps one day, God will soften his heart so that he will see what he's done, and continues to do, in his anger.
Instead of hating your ex, and possibly hurting your kids unintentionally, try to forgive her and move on. Festering anger hurts you, not her, and the bitterness will only eat at your heart as time goes on.
What you are now, is what your children will remember what a father *should* be. Give them the right role model.
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