Need advice to talk sister out of getting divorced

[graciegrace]

My sister and brother-in-law are heading for divorce court. Neither are true Christians, although both "believe in God" and are "good people." They have two children, a one year old boy and five year old girl. My brother-in-law is willing to work things out, go to counseling, whatever it takes, but my sister has her mind made up, and does not want to hear any other viewpoints. She shuts down if anyone even tries to talk with her about it. The big problem is that my mom is supportive of her divorce, and even is encouraging her to go through with it. This is her second divorce in five years, and she had a fiance that she broke up with "for no good reason" prior to that. Basically, it is a pattern with her that "the grass is always greener..." My dad has already alienated my sister by encouraging them to work things out, but I do not want to alienate her. I do feel that I must say or do something (other than pray!), before it's too late. I know that God can save their marriage, but how do I communicate this to her? Any advice or wisdom would be much appreciated! I do not want my niece and nephew growing up in a broken home like my sister and I did. (By the way, my mom left my dad, "for no good reason" when my sister and I were about 12 and 13. My dad was baffled and hurt, but my mom does not see anything wrong with divorce if the marriage "isn't working" although my dad was willing to do anything to make it work, and does not believe in divorce either. I see the same attitude in my sister that my mom has!) Please help!

 

[luvmyhubby]

If your sister is not willing to listen, there is really probably not much you can say to her. I understand your frustration, but she is the one who has to make this decision. It could be she does not know how to be in a commited relationship. I would encourage her to get some counseling. It will be hard for your niece and nephew if she follows through with the divorce, so the best you can do for them is to be a constant in their lives. It is also very hard for us not to take things into our own hands and try to fix them. God will let us try to do that, but it never works. Pray steadily for them. Be supportive without being approving. That is hard to do, but it means really listening to her. Hear what she has to say, and pray for the appropriate responses. God will guide your speech. I will say a prayer for them and for you.

 

[Servant_129]

I would also advise prayer and a somewhat restrained approach. As you said, if you directly try to talk your sister out of it you're more than likely simply going to alienate her. I would, however, disagree on the point of advising counseling for her...its not a bad idea, but from the perspective you gave about your sister it seems that she could take that in the wrong way, even though it was meant in a helpful manner. Though this is really up to you as you have a far better idea as to how she might take it than I do.
Is there really no reason for this divorce, or is there at least some justification for it? In any case, I would suggest letting her know how you feel on the subject in the kindest and most considerate way possible. On a cautionary note, I would suggest staying away from quoting the bible's view on divorce to her if you believe her faith is weakened as it is, it would probably do more harm than good, but prayer can only help things.

God Bless

 

[Jinn_Ku]

I'm weird, so I'd advise them to listen to this. Tell them its one hour that can change their life, and leave it at that.
http://www.livingwaters.com/learn/hellsbestkeptsecret.htm

Until they're saved, Christian advise will not seem wise to them.

1 Corinthians 2:14
The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.

 

[VioletAngel]

I do not want my niece and nephew growing up in a broken home like my sister and I did.

Just mention what you said about the children. If she loves her children, then she should reconsider. Divorce is horrible on the children. Emphasize that, if you can.

 

[bfly]

You can pray for God to open her heart for the children's sake.

You can pray for God to accept the things you can not change.

Pray for God to let you see your sister through his eyes and you will find forgiveness for your sister.

You can remind her that it is always the children who suffer.

Has her husband done something unforgivable? Has it happen before.

It is really sorta hard to condemn her for not knowing her reasoning for the divorce.

She is blessed to have a sister that loves her so much.

 

[pastorkevin73]

It sounds like your sister is closed to any viewpoint which is opposite of hers, even it is scriptural advice. I would encourage you to just pray for her daily. Pray about every aspect of the your relationship with her, her relationship with your parents, relationship with husband and kids. Pray that Satan and his demons would be bound and silenced so she will no longer hear lies and hear only from God. I truely is amazing when re realy on God and do nothing, but pray.

Oh, if your mother verbal mentions that your sister should get a divorce, respectfully say that she needs to stop speaking as she is being a voice for Satan. I wouldn't necessarily word it this way when speak to your mother, but you probably get the idea.

Lord, I pray that you would heal this broken marriage. Turn this wifes heart back to her husband and children. Bind Satan and his minions, silence their lies. May she only hear Your truth and seek restitution in her marriage. Amen.

By the way, I have seen people pray for situations where it seemed inevitable that a divorce would go through, but many of those situations have been restored.

 

[Summer01]

Sounds like your sister has made her mind up. There is not alot you can do without alienating yourself. Focus your discussions around the children and how they are going to be affected long and short term. And encourage her to see a councellor, preferably christian. Keep praying for your sister to see the light.