Hello everyone. I am new to the site and seeking a place to get Godly counsel and wisdom.
I need to give you a quick background so bear with me. My husband and I met 3-1/2 yrs ago. We've been married for 18 months. When we first met, we had told each other that we were Christians. But at the time, I was not following after Christ or living a surrendered life. And from what I could see about him (his fruits), he was pretty worldly and didn't care much about living a Christian lifestyle. Throughout our dating, I began to see that our past experiences with God were much different. We continued to date and decided to go to church while dating. We also began reading the bible and books to help us in our walk with Christ. I had grown up in a Christian home, attended Church basically all my life, had grown up to be a worship pastor at several churches, and had a good grasp on what the bible says and how I am to live my life. He was (and still is) more of a "new" Christian. I love sharing about God's word with him and he seems to really want to learn. We married in Feb of 2013 and soon after, we both rededicated our lives to Christ.
Early on in our relationship, I discovered that he was talking to an ex girlfriend. Keep in mind that we were not following Christ. I asked him to be respectful of our relationship and to stop. Without going into all the details, he lied to me a number of times saying he wasn't talking to her; only to find out that he was. He did not stop talking to her until he proposed to me. We have discussed the situation over and over and he fully admits that he was completely wrong, was being stubborn, didn't want someone else telling him what to do, etc... He asked for my forgiveness. He claimed that she was pursuing him and would not leave him alone, even though he repeatedly told her to stop. Now, I'm no dummy. I know it was not all one sided. He was encouraging her in some way to continue contacting him; otherwise, she would have stopped.
Since we've been married, she has only contacted him twice via texting. He told me about it up front and showed me the messages. The first time it happened, he told her to please leave him alone and that he was happily married, etc... The second time, he did not respond to her whatsoever. That was 6 months ago and there's been no contact since then.
When I met my husband, he was flirty with other women. He hung around with people 20 yrs younger than him, and I saw his flirting as being a problem. Every time I felt he disrespected me by flirting with another woman, I brought it to his attention. He was always apologetic and said he would be more careful. The problem is that he is a very nice person and without even trying, because of his kindness, women think he is flirting. It was difficult for him to stop the flirting and change some of his ways because he had been single for 15 years. Old habits die hard. But I commend him because he has made a very big effort.
About a month ago, we were told that a married couple that we are friends with, were getting a divorce. We had heard the "why" from someone else, but wanted to find out from the source what was really going on. So my husband sent a facebook private message to the female about a week ago (because she was the one filing for divorce). Last week, he read me bits and pieces of their conversation, but I could tell he was kind of skipping around and not reading the conversation from top to bottom. During his reading to me, he said something that I found to be inappropriate and when I called him out on it, he said that he didn't mean it "that way." I let it go, but it still bothered me. So, because I have his facebook password, I logged on to his account to read the conversation for myself. In his very first message to her, he said: "What makes you special, above all others, is a mystery to me, but from the moment I met you, I knew you were just good! I love my wife, but I was a little jealous when you and John found each other! Please, that was for you to see only. I hope I can talk to you more." When I read this, I was livid. I have stewed on it for four days now because I feel that a married man should NOT be saying anything like that to another woman. So, I am faced with what to do.... Do I confront him about his message to her or do I just pray for him and hope that God will somehow show him that his mild flirting could someday open an ugly door to bring destruction to our marriage?
We are trying to build trust in our marriage and when I see things like this, the trust-o-meter goes down a notch. I'm growing tired of having to deal with his inappropriate interactions with other women. I totally love him and I know he loves me. He is very attentive to me and is very affectionate. Other than his baby Christian "unrenewed mind" in a couple of areas, we have a good relationship.
Any advice you can give will be greatly appreciated.
P.S. Divorce is not an option. We are committed for life. We have both been through a previous divorce and will do whatever it takes to make this one work.
