First, some background:
I was raised in church where my dad was a deacon and Sunday school teacher. He came from a rough background, his father was an alcoholic and died when my dad was 18. My father was a good provider, but he has a horrible anger issue. There was a lot of verbal and emotional abuse in our household growing up. I do not have contact with my father at this point in my life- that is a whole other story, I'll just say he left my mom and they are divorced now.
Now for the problem:
Early last year a boyfriend from my college years contacted me via Facebook. I'd ended the relationship back then because I didn't want to be as serious as he wanted. I apologized to him about the way I left things back then. We started talking a lot, and began dating again. He'd been married, but had been divorced for many years, and had a son. He and his ex get along very well, which is good, no drama. I've never been married, though I have been engaged- the end of that relationship was mutual, we just grew apart, and I lived a pretty wild life until my early 30's.
Anyway, so I'm still dating the boyfriend from college. It has been a good relationship until recently. As much as I've tried to avoid dating guys who have anger issues, like my dad, it seems I have ended up with one. It's so confusing- one day he can't tell me he loves me enough, and treats me well. The next day, he's angry, or he picks on me. One thing he picks on me about is my weight. I'd never had a weight problem until the last year or so. I had major back issues, it got to the point where I couldn't walk more than 5 steps without being in excruciating pain. I watched what I ate, as always, but could not exercise. I finally had back surgery, and as soon as the doc cleared me, I was working out to get the weight off, and it's coming off, slowly but surely. I have told him it really hurts me when he picks on me, but he hasn't stopped. I find myself not wanting to hang out with him, which makes him angry. I make excuses, finally I told him again that I don't want to be around someone who treats me like that.
At one point, he did admit he had issues he needed help with, including the anger. He had gotten very upset with his son and grabbed him by the neck so hard, it left open gashes from his fingernails. I thought this would be a good turning point- he was going to go to counseling, and we both were going to go together as well. The counseling never happened, not on his part.
I'm not stupid. I know I should just end the relationship. I'm not afraid of being alone. I guess in some weird way I feel God put us together to break the cycle of abuse that we'd both been through. I thought loving him unconditionally, and not giving up on him like everyone else, would help. He has a good heart, he can be so loving and caring, but lately it seems he is just unhappy and angry. I know he's having financial problems due to the economy, the job he has been at for over ten years has not been getting good business. I know he's having problems with his son, who has been lying about things, like his grades, and I know his son is lying because he is afraid of his dad's anger. That's another reason I stay, his son and I have developed a close relationship and I know he is attached to me, and would be upset if I wasn't around.
I know what I need to do. I guess I just really need prayers for strength and wisdom. Any advice would be great, though. Thanks.
I was raised in church where my dad was a deacon and Sunday school teacher. He came from a rough background, his father was an alcoholic and died when my dad was 18. My father was a good provider, but he has a horrible anger issue. There was a lot of verbal and emotional abuse in our household growing up. I do not have contact with my father at this point in my life- that is a whole other story, I'll just say he left my mom and they are divorced now.
Now for the problem:
Early last year a boyfriend from my college years contacted me via Facebook. I'd ended the relationship back then because I didn't want to be as serious as he wanted. I apologized to him about the way I left things back then. We started talking a lot, and began dating again. He'd been married, but had been divorced for many years, and had a son. He and his ex get along very well, which is good, no drama. I've never been married, though I have been engaged- the end of that relationship was mutual, we just grew apart, and I lived a pretty wild life until my early 30's.
Anyway, so I'm still dating the boyfriend from college. It has been a good relationship until recently. As much as I've tried to avoid dating guys who have anger issues, like my dad, it seems I have ended up with one. It's so confusing- one day he can't tell me he loves me enough, and treats me well. The next day, he's angry, or he picks on me. One thing he picks on me about is my weight. I'd never had a weight problem until the last year or so. I had major back issues, it got to the point where I couldn't walk more than 5 steps without being in excruciating pain. I watched what I ate, as always, but could not exercise. I finally had back surgery, and as soon as the doc cleared me, I was working out to get the weight off, and it's coming off, slowly but surely. I have told him it really hurts me when he picks on me, but he hasn't stopped. I find myself not wanting to hang out with him, which makes him angry. I make excuses, finally I told him again that I don't want to be around someone who treats me like that.
At one point, he did admit he had issues he needed help with, including the anger. He had gotten very upset with his son and grabbed him by the neck so hard, it left open gashes from his fingernails. I thought this would be a good turning point- he was going to go to counseling, and we both were going to go together as well. The counseling never happened, not on his part.
I'm not stupid. I know I should just end the relationship. I'm not afraid of being alone. I guess in some weird way I feel God put us together to break the cycle of abuse that we'd both been through. I thought loving him unconditionally, and not giving up on him like everyone else, would help. He has a good heart, he can be so loving and caring, but lately it seems he is just unhappy and angry. I know he's having financial problems due to the economy, the job he has been at for over ten years has not been getting good business. I know he's having problems with his son, who has been lying about things, like his grades, and I know his son is lying because he is afraid of his dad's anger. That's another reason I stay, his son and I have developed a close relationship and I know he is attached to me, and would be upset if I wasn't around.
I know what I need to do. I guess I just really need prayers for strength and wisdom. Any advice would be great, though. Thanks.
