Hello, I need some advice and prayers for problems in my marriage and also concern for my son. This is going to be a little long so sorry ahead of time.
First of all, one of the strongest desires of my heart has always been to have a family.
Fresh out of high school I was married to my first husband. We lost a son at birth and handeled it in very different ways. He ended up cheating on me and we were divorced.
I met my current husband and we were married shortly after. My current husband is very verbally and emotionally abusive and occasionally phisically abusive as well. Looking back I could see all the warning signs even early on but chose not to listen.
About a year into the marriage he decided to finally tell me that as a child he was sexually abused by a female member of his immediate family. (mom or sister) He says he has no recollection of who it was, just what it felt like and that it happend more than once. Before we married he had told me that his father sexually molested his half sister (related by mom)we had talked about it at the time and we had agreed that his father would NEVER have access to our children alone. At that time he had denied anything like that happening to him.
Well, I prayed that if any of my children would be abused that God would not allow me to have any. (remember, this is a huge desire of mine)
I had 7 miscarriages over the next few years. (I'm still not sure if this was a sign from God or not)
I had come to the conclusion that I would never have children. My husband and I decided to stop trying.
I was at one of the lowest points of my life (all the miscarriages, work stress, us living at my parents while our house was being finished, finding out that my husband cheated on me and his girlfriend was claiming to be pregnant. Making all the miscarriages and heartache my fault.)
At this point, I somehow got pregnant. By all medical standards it should not have even been possible at the time it happend. It was truely a miracle from God.
My husband and I decided to try to work things out. But he has continued to be abusive.
My son is 2 now, and he is the most precious, wonderful, miracle. EVERYONE he meets tells me what a blessing he is.
I don't know what to do about the situation we are in. It isn't good for me, and it isn't good for my son to see my husband and I fight like we do. I have been told that in this situation divore is ok. But I have already been divorced once and I feel like such a failure.
On top of that I will have to share joint custody of our son, and I feel like another child is being ripped away from me once again.
To make matters worse, my husband has made me leave our son alone with both his sister and mother. (he doesnt know which one had hurt him as a child)
I am very concerned for my sons all around well being (for several other reasons as well) if I was to divorce.
Things I have read have said that an abusive person may be abusive with future partners and my son may be subjected to this sort of thing anyway.
On top of everything else, I have stayed home with my son since he was born and financially I don't know how we could make it on our own.
I have no idea what to do. I have prayed for my husband to change. I have prayed for me to change, for divine intervention , you name it. but I just don't feel like I have any direction.
Also, I am feeling very resentful towards God for the fact that my first son died. (my ex husbands family was a God fearing, nice family)
And now I have a son who's father's side of the family is very weird and not Christians at all.
I know this is a sin and that all of these problems are my own fault. But I just don't understand why my son dies when I'm in a good situation for a child, and now I have a son when I'm in a horrible situation for a child. I just wish God would have made things happen differently. (My first son living, or my not getting pregnant, or having another miscarriage...i don't know... anything)I feel horrible even typing that because my son is the best thing that has ever happend to me and I believe he was a gift sent straight from God.
I just don't understand why things happen the way they do!
I know I have made some bad choices but does that mean my son should have to pay for them the rest of his life. It just doesn't seem fair.
Well if you have stuck with me for this whole post God Bless You. Please pray that I will trust in God about my future and the safety of my son and that I would stop being resentful. Also any advice, prayers, etc. would be appreciated.
P.S. Does anyone think that this sexual abuse could be a generational curse and if so what can I do to break it so my son will not have to go through it.
Thanks So Much! In Christ. mom2"angels"
First of all, one of the strongest desires of my heart has always been to have a family.
Fresh out of high school I was married to my first husband. We lost a son at birth and handeled it in very different ways. He ended up cheating on me and we were divorced.
I met my current husband and we were married shortly after. My current husband is very verbally and emotionally abusive and occasionally phisically abusive as well. Looking back I could see all the warning signs even early on but chose not to listen.
About a year into the marriage he decided to finally tell me that as a child he was sexually abused by a female member of his immediate family. (mom or sister) He says he has no recollection of who it was, just what it felt like and that it happend more than once. Before we married he had told me that his father sexually molested his half sister (related by mom)we had talked about it at the time and we had agreed that his father would NEVER have access to our children alone. At that time he had denied anything like that happening to him.
Well, I prayed that if any of my children would be abused that God would not allow me to have any. (remember, this is a huge desire of mine)
I had 7 miscarriages over the next few years. (I'm still not sure if this was a sign from God or not)
I had come to the conclusion that I would never have children. My husband and I decided to stop trying.
I was at one of the lowest points of my life (all the miscarriages, work stress, us living at my parents while our house was being finished, finding out that my husband cheated on me and his girlfriend was claiming to be pregnant. Making all the miscarriages and heartache my fault.)
At this point, I somehow got pregnant. By all medical standards it should not have even been possible at the time it happend. It was truely a miracle from God.
My husband and I decided to try to work things out. But he has continued to be abusive.
My son is 2 now, and he is the most precious, wonderful, miracle. EVERYONE he meets tells me what a blessing he is.
I don't know what to do about the situation we are in. It isn't good for me, and it isn't good for my son to see my husband and I fight like we do. I have been told that in this situation divore is ok. But I have already been divorced once and I feel like such a failure.
On top of that I will have to share joint custody of our son, and I feel like another child is being ripped away from me once again.
To make matters worse, my husband has made me leave our son alone with both his sister and mother. (he doesnt know which one had hurt him as a child)
I am very concerned for my sons all around well being (for several other reasons as well) if I was to divorce.
Things I have read have said that an abusive person may be abusive with future partners and my son may be subjected to this sort of thing anyway.
On top of everything else, I have stayed home with my son since he was born and financially I don't know how we could make it on our own.
I have no idea what to do. I have prayed for my husband to change. I have prayed for me to change, for divine intervention , you name it. but I just don't feel like I have any direction.
Also, I am feeling very resentful towards God for the fact that my first son died. (my ex husbands family was a God fearing, nice family)
And now I have a son who's father's side of the family is very weird and not Christians at all.
I know this is a sin and that all of these problems are my own fault. But I just don't understand why my son dies when I'm in a good situation for a child, and now I have a son when I'm in a horrible situation for a child. I just wish God would have made things happen differently. (My first son living, or my not getting pregnant, or having another miscarriage...i don't know... anything)I feel horrible even typing that because my son is the best thing that has ever happend to me and I believe he was a gift sent straight from God.
I just don't understand why things happen the way they do!
I know I have made some bad choices but does that mean my son should have to pay for them the rest of his life. It just doesn't seem fair.
Well if you have stuck with me for this whole post God Bless You. Please pray that I will trust in God about my future and the safety of my son and that I would stop being resentful. Also any advice, prayers, etc. would be appreciated.
P.S. Does anyone think that this sexual abuse could be a generational curse and if so what can I do to break it so my son will not have to go through it.
Thanks So Much! In Christ. mom2"angels"
As I don't have the answers, I will pray that you will recieve them. God Bless you and keep you strong.
