Need advice about this girl

[Sw1shF1sh]

Hello all. I'm very new to these forums as I just made an account today, but I'm seeking some advice on what to do in this situation.

There is this girl in my youth group that I have had very strong(or at least what I would consider to be very strong) feelings for for a bit over a year now. She lives about 20 minutes away from me and we both go to the same church as well as youth group. I've known her for about 5 years but have only recently developed feelings for her. I'm just struggling with knowing for sure if she feels the same way about me as I do about her. I feel like she does flirt with me ( she always laughs a lot at my jokes even when they are terrible, always comments or likes whatever I post on social media, even if it's about a topic she has no interest in like sports. She also wrote me a very nice card and got me a gift for my birthday, something that no other girl I know did. I got her a gift for her birthday as well, something i didn't do for any other girl I know and she wrote me a huge message saying how much she loved the gift and that she was very happy that I went to her birthday party. Our church has a basketball game every Sunday evening that I play in, and she really appreciated that I skipped it for her party. I also catch her looking at me when I'm not looking at her, and if I happen to catch her doing that she'll smile at me so I will smile back)

I feel like the feeling is mutual, but it's really hard to tell in this case because she is literally one of the sweetest girls I've met and she's nice to everyone. I try to go out of my way treat her different than the other girls that I know and I hope she picks up on that. I would just go up to her and tell her how I feel, but I'm worried about what people ( especially the pastor, since I get along very well with him and the girl I'm talking about is his daughter) at church would say if they found out I asked her out and she said no. I'm also worried about what her response would be since I don't know for sure how she feels about me. I pray about this every day but I don't feel like anything has changed and since she will possibly be moving away for college this summer, I feel that I need to tell her how I feel soon. I also won't be able to get my driver's license for another 5 months, and since she lives 20 minutes away that really complicates things for me.

I really hope this made sense, and I'd appreciate any prayers or mature advice about this.

 

[Korean-American Christian]

welcome to CF!!

 

[EyesOfKohl]

Hello all. I'm very new to these forums as I just made an account today, but I'm seeking some advice on what to do in this situation.

There is this girl in my youth group that I have had very strong(or at least what I would consider to be very strong) feelings for for a bit over a year now. She lives about 20 minutes away from me and we both go to the same church as well as youth group. I've known her for about 5 years but have only recently developed feelings for her. I'm just struggling with knowing for sure if she feels the same way about me as I do about her. I feel like she does flirt with me ( she always laughs a lot at my jokes even when they are terrible, always comments or likes whatever I post on social media, even if it's about a topic she has no interest in like sports. She also wrote me a very nice card and got me a gift for my birthday, something that no other girl I know did. I got her a gift for her birthday as well, something i didn't do for any other girl I know and she wrote me a huge message saying how much she loved the gift and that she was very happy that I went to her birthday party. Our church has a basketball game every Sunday evening that I play in, and she really appreciated that I skipped it for her party. I also catch her looking at me when I'm not looking at her, and if I happen to catch her doing that she'll smile at me so I will smile back)

I feel like the feeling is mutual, but it's really hard to tell in this case because she is literally one of the sweetest girls I've met and she's nice to everyone. I try to go out of my way treat her different than the other girls that I know and I hope she picks up on that. I would just go up to her and tell her how I feel, but I'm worried about what people ( especially the pastor, since I get along very well with him and the girl I'm talking about is his daughter) at church would say if they found out I asked her out and she said no. I'm also worried about what her response would be since I don't know for sure how she feels about me. I pray about this every day but I don't feel like anything has changed and since she will possibly be moving away for college this summer, I feel that I need to tell her how I feel soon. I also won't be able to get my driver's license for another 5 months, and since she lives 20 minutes away that really complicates things for me.

I really hope this made sense, and I'd appreciate any prayers or mature advice about this.

Worry and doubt will always be there in your life as a shadow, for as long as you let it be there.

However, opportunity will not be.

You clearly like this girl without a doubt, but it seems like the only thing that is stopping you from telling her is the opinion of others.

We have a saying in my faith, by Imam Ali:

"When you are afraid of something, dive straight into it, because the intensity of abstaining from it is greater than what your are afraid of."

I'm listing this as I believe it is relevant to the concept where you can think over and over again about the situation, what could be, what couldn't be, what could happen, could it be bad or good, and you spend so much time thinking about it and at the end of this you have nothing but wasted time.

I hope you find the courage to tell her

 

[Galatea]

Ask her out, if you don't, some one else will. You will regret not asking her way more than you will regret asking her and getting turned down.

 

[Greg J.]

Asking someone out on a date for those conditioned to pain avoidance:
<Simple, not extreme, compliment or thanking> <What you want> <Suggest one way to do it>

"I like hearing your thoughts. I would like to chat and get to know more about you. Would you like to do that over lunch sometime?"

Btw, this formula can be applied to asking God for something, except replace the last part with <Ask a general way for God to do it.>

 

[ReesePiece23]

Stand in a room full of people. If she seems to look at you more than anybody else - as if there's a big bright spotlight on you, then assume she's into you. It's hard to argue with body language. Especially eye contact.

You'll never really know categorically until you date her a bit. But you can have a pretty good idea. Usually your hunch is right...

 

[Galatea]

Asking someone out on a date for those conditioned to pain avoidance:
<Simple, not extreme, compliment or thanking> <What you want> <Suggest one way to do it>

"I like hearing your thoughts. I would like to chat and get to know more about you. Would you like to do that over lunch sometime?"

Btw, this formula can be applied to asking God for something, except replace the last part with <Ask a general way for God to do it.>

No, asking God for something is totally different. When you ask God for something, you should ask Him if it is in His will. And if it isn't in His will to grant your request, that He will give you grace to accept His answer.

 

[Greg J.]

Well, I shouldn't have trivialized asking God for things, but there's lots of things that are neither in accordance or against his will. We can ask him for things like he is our father. He likes giving us gifts and will pour out many.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. “Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! (Matthew 7:7-11, 1984 NIV)

 

[Galatea]

Well, I shouldn't have trivialized asking God for things, but there's lots of things that are neither in accordance or against his will. We can ask him for things like he is our father. He likes giving us gifts and will pour out many.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. “Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! (Matthew 7:7-11, 1984 NIV)

Yes, but these good things still must be asked if it is in His will. Even little things, like parking spaces, and lost dogs coming back home (two insignificant things in my life God graciously granted). Even stupid things, like letting the copier at work unjam have to be asked if it is according to His will.

 

[Greg J.]

No, you don't have to ask if it is in his will. Ideally, yielding to his will/humility will be in your heart, but even when it isn't, asking is OK. He loves us and accepts us as we are.

We come to know his will by drawing close to him (Romans 12:2) and sometimes already know his will. There are times when asking his will is less than ideal, because you already know his will, and asking expresses a lack of faith.

 

[Galatea]

No, you don't have to ask if it is in his will. Ideally, yielding to his will/humility will be in your heart, but even when it isn't, asking is OK. He loves us and accepts us as we are.

We come to know his will by drawing close to him (Romans 12:2) and sometimes already know his will. There are times when asking his will is less than ideal, because you already know his will, and asking expresses a lack of faith.

I don't think these little things that I mentioned would entail me knowing His will. "If it is your will, God, please let the copy machine unjam. If it isn't, please cause me not to panic."

These little things, of course we don't know what His will is. Maybe it is His will to let it jam, maybe there's a kid who didn't study for their test because of turmoil in the home, and the kid prayed for God to intervene. Maybe it is His will to show the kid mercy.

I would say it is necessary to ask for little things in His will. It is these things that are outside God's expressed will.

If I am speeding and pray if it is His will not to get a ticket- well I know it is His will that I obey the traffic laws and not speed, so it would be praying against something within his expressed will- that we obey the laws of the land.

 

[Greg J.]

What you are talking about is somewhere in between having no faith in God and having great faith. If you draw closer to God you will have instances where you are (for example) comfortable praying, "God, please unjam this copier," with no caveat, because you believe he will do it. You will believe he will do it because he has released it in your heart in that instance due to your close relationship with him and him wanting to bless you. The praying you are talking about is when we do not have a sense of his will and is perfectly fine, but is not the only foundation of belief a person can have.

We can know God's will for all things. Anything Jesus did we can do, except pay for sins. It sounds to me like your idea is a residual life commandment that came about because someone wanted to impress on you (or you thought yourself) to always be submitted and reverential to God. But that doesn't take into account a maturing relationship with God, where He has changed your expectations of what He will and won't do for you. (It is good, of course, to always be submitted and reverential to God.)

We seem to have wandered off topic.

 

[Galatea]

What you are talking about is somewhere in between having no faith in God and having great faith. If you draw closer to God you will have instances where you are (for example) comfortable praying, "God, please unjam this copier," with no caveat, because you believe he will do it. You will believe he will do it because he has released it in your heart in that instance due to your close relationship with him and him wanting to bless you. The praying you are talking about is when we do not have a sense of his will and is perfectly fine, but is not the only foundation of belief a person can have.

We can know God's will for all things. Anything Jesus did we can do, except pay for sins. It sounds to me like your idea is a residual life commandment that came about because someone wanted to impress on you (or you thought yourself) to always be submitted and reverential to God. But that doesn't take into account a maturing relationship with God, where He has changed your expectations of what He will and won't do for you. (It is good, of course, to always be submitted and reverential to God.)

We seem to have wandered off topic.

It may not be His will, though. He may have a different path because it is more important to be merciful to a child and grant his petition, than to make my life convenient. I don't know the whole picture of everything. God does. Of course He can cause it to unjam, of course He can bless my request. I have no doubt. But He may not because it is not His will to do so. There are plans afoot that I know nothing about.

 

[Greg J.]

I am talking about when you know his will by the Holy Spirit.

 

[EyesOfKohl]

I think it's a good thing to ask God's guidance on matters, even if others see it as trivial issues, if one feels they need to, one should. Nothing is too small for Him.

But I do think this situation is more reliant on the OP's own will whether to make the decision or not to tell her. I think he knows what he wants, rather he is just held-back in doing it.

 

[Galatea]

I am talking about when you know his will by the Holy Spirit.

There are little things that I can not know by the Spirit. BUT if the copier jams, I can ask to have His Spirit keep me in peace and not panic.

 

[Greg J.]

There's no such thing as something too little to God. What makes it little is how you view it.

 

[Galatea]

There's no such thing as something too little to God. What makes it little is how you view it.

I meant little in the sense that this is not something addressed in the Bible. I know every hair on my head is numbered, and He sees every sparrow that falls. I know I am important to Him.

 

[blackribbon]

Short answer. She likes you.

Complicated answer. That doesn't mean she wants to date you or anyone else. So asking her out means you have to take a risk and realize that even if she turns you down, it isn't really a rejection. She likes you but she may not want to date you.

Food for thought. If there is a good chance she is going away in the fall, chances are that any relationship you start now won't last beyond a month or two of her being away. Most relationships this young don't survive long-distance things because you still have too many things and people to experience and being "attached" to someone who is not there actually limits your life in a time when you are still growing and learning about life. If you want this friendship to last, keep any "relationship" very casual. If you date seriously over the summer and then she goes away and you breakup, Christmas and other breaks will become very awkward.

Since most people do not marry someone they dated in high school, know that she probably isn't the love of your life regardless of what decisions you make.

 

[ReesePiece23]

No, asking God for something is totally different. When you ask God for something, you should ask Him if it is in His will. And if it isn't in His will to grant your request, that He will give you grace to accept His answer.

This sort of reminds me of a quote I read once, in that God only really has two answers to prayer: "yes" or, "I have something better in mind."

"No" doesn't mean that you're going to lose out on anything. Not unless you're close minded and tunnel visioned.