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My Unfinished Testimony
- Thread starter Ketsagirl
- Start date
I can relate to you a lot. I have suffered with depression and anxiety for years. I have a lot of self doubt and have made very stupid choices in my life. My mother was also sick for many years (she recently passed away) and my heart was filled with anger, grief, and hopelessness. I didn't even care if I died. There were days when I wanted to smash my car into a tree. Since she has passed, I'm amazed at how much my heart has melted. I was angry at her for not being the mom I grew up with, the healthy mom. I missed her. She was sick on and off for over 14 years and during that time is when I made the worst choices. I was choosing the wrong men, drinking, partying, doing everything in my power to stop the pain. I was powerless over my mom's health and seeing her suffer was unbearable. Now that she's gone I have a clearer picture and I can see how much my depression was related to grieving over my mother.
I still struggle every day with depression and self-doubt. I want to trust the Lord with all my heart and I know he loves me but there are times when I feel like I'm just not enough. That something I did or something I'm not doing is going to prevent me from "making the cut".
I look at some people and wonder "wow, how do they have such strong faith? I want that" and I feel bad about myself and like a failure because I don't. I have a terrible voice in my head that every time I have a good thought or think about God, a negative thought takes over and gives me self-doubt. It's a terrible habit that I hope and pray will go away.
All I wanted to tell you is that you are not alone. The feelings you are experiencing sound very much like mine. I will pray for you. *hugs*
I still struggle every day with depression and self-doubt. I want to trust the Lord with all my heart and I know he loves me but there are times when I feel like I'm just not enough. That something I did or something I'm not doing is going to prevent me from "making the cut".
I look at some people and wonder "wow, how do they have such strong faith? I want that" and I feel bad about myself and like a failure because I don't. I have a terrible voice in my head that every time I have a good thought or think about God, a negative thought takes over and gives me self-doubt. It's a terrible habit that I hope and pray will go away.
All I wanted to tell you is that you are not alone. The feelings you are experiencing sound very much like mine. I will pray for you. *hugs*
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T
TigerLily5
Guest
Well, it does look like you have it all together. Here is why I think that. You already know about Jesus, and have accepted Him. You see the need for healing, and you see the need for His care. None of us have it truly happy, even though we may put on a great act for it. Well, some of it not an act. Some of us are truly joyful with the Good News of salvation message, and are content with God in control of our lives, and we rejoice! Even though our lives are a pit, and things are a pretty good mess, and we can still be joyful that this is all temporary, but our eternity is secure. I'm sorry about your mom, and I know this is devastating to your family. I am hopeful that God can bring all of this to reason for you. As for myself, my mom has severe mental problems, but she is a Christian. Only God can bring success about in these cases. For your obscession problems, the only thing I can suggest is a lot of prayer! It will help. Hope you find the right meds, or combination of diet, exercise and medications, or whatever will work for you. God bless you! 
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