My True Identity

[Cerulean_Butterfly]

My True Identity

Can't stop thinking about it
I drown in my thoughts
How could he do this to me?
I'm part of his family
I cover my pain
With fake smiles and lies
drown in my tears
As I slip into the cold, dark night
Another day begins
The thoughts return
Tears start to flow
Pain starts to grow
I reach for the razor
To slice my pain away
I remeber what he did
How he thought it was a joke
glide the blade across my vein
Watch the blood run
I'll never be the same
I'll always remeber
How he destroyed my life
My true identity.

Jo.

Please dont steal my peom.

 

[plum]

you have tons of courage to write about something so personal

 

[Cerulean_Butterfly]

thanks. But i dont have courage... i wish i had courage.

Jo.

 

[Love&Pain]

Awww.... You share your deepest thoughts and pain in this poem. I love sister! and whatever or whoever this guy is, he is totally not worth hurting yourself hun. You are an awesome person! Jesus loves you and he can heal your deepest scars in your heart. Trust in him and him alone. Turn from the pain in which you feel and cry out to God when you are tempted to hurt yourself. Have faith! You are still young and you will find your true love one day. Do not give up. I will be praying for you sister

 

[Cerulean_Butterfly]

its not my uncle thats worth cutting over. It's what he did to me. How could he do this? I'm his neice. what is wrong with him? What... is he so desperate that he has to do something like this to his niece?

Jo.

 

[Love&Pain]

its not my uncle thats worth cutting over. It's what he did to me. How could he do this? I'm his neice. what is wrong with him? What... is he so desperate that he has to do something like this to his niece?

Jo.

Oh I know what happened now. I know how you feel. If I am thinking correctly your uncle did something that was unapporiate. Well, I know that is really hard. My grandfather hurt me deeply too. He raped and kept raping me for two years when I around 13 years old. I didn't tell anyone but I was scared. That is why I had so much anger in my heart before. I too tried to kill myself before. I use to hit myself and cry myself to sleep. Like you I said, "How can family do this?" I had this scar in my heart and I didn't trust anyone. I would push everyone away. I didn't come near to anyone. I thought that everyone was out to hurt me. When I came to know Christ, I didn't forgive him still. I said I forgave him but deep in my heart, I still hated him. Well, this year he passed away from cancer. Deep in my heart I knew I had to forgive him before he died. So God broke down the wall that was between us. I started to cry because the Holy Spirit was working in me. I gave him a hug as he was laying in the hospital bed barely breathing. I gave him a kiss and he tried to kiss me with the little strength he had. It took me around 5 years to forgive him for the pain he caused me. I still don't feel comfortable with people touching me. There is still a wound but God is healing me. At least, I forgave him because I knew that he had changed his life around. I didn't want him to die and be judged for what he did to me since I had not forgaven him. I know how you feel and it hurts. I will never be the person, I could of or should of been. I will always have a scar that will hurt at times. I will be praying for you sister.

 

[Cerulean_Butterfly]

thank you for sharing that Mo. love you sis.

Jo.

 

[Love&Pain]

thank you for sharing that Mo. love you sis.

Jo.

Your welcome I love you too sister! Have you told anyone? I remember when I told my mother. He denied ever doing that to me and my family made me forgive him that very day. I was so upset that noone believed me. I cried so much that day. He use to be a drunk so when he got drunk he did that to me.

 

[Cerulean_Butterfly]

No, i havent told anyone... and im not going to.

Jo.