I've been thinking about this for awhile. I've seen several threads (can't remember what they were called) that brought these thoughts to my mind. One thread, I think, was about not marrying a friend because there were no "madly in love" feelings. Another thread was about should I get married even though his habits bug me - or that sort of thing.
When you get married, your goal is to choose someone you will spend the rest of your life with. Just think, putting aside the idea of marriage for a moment, of choosing a roommate that you would live with for the rest of your life. Would that fact influence some of the things you are looking for in the roommate? Forget about love for just a moment. A roommate for the rest of your life. For example, let's say you're a neatnik and she's a slob - not a good idea, right? Or if he's a sports nut and you don't like sports? Or if she likes television and you like it quiet. If he's a party animal, and you're not... etc. Just not a good idea. Do you see what I'm saying?
So there is a sense in which a lot of questions need to be asked about our potential mate. "Are we going to be good together in the day-to-day aspect of life?" Do you fit together in the vital areas? Do the paces of your lives match? Your values? Your commitment to Christ? The way you are committed to Christ? What you each feel like should look like a relationship, your family. If you have someone, for example, who is a Calvanist, and one who is Arminian, it is just not going to work, even though they both love the Lord. You have divergences that are so wide that they create a lot of conflict.
You need to find someone who is a lot like you in the important areas of life. It is so common sensible. But people don't do that. They look for the person they are "madly in love" with. And the problem with being "madly in love" with someone is, first of all, maybe you don't find someone you are "madly in love" with and then you never get married, or you might find several people and can't decide, or maybe the in-love feeling clouds up the fact that you are lousy in the relationship, i.e., incompatible.
How realistic does it sound to have a person that you bicker, bicker, bicker and fight with, and then say, "well, let's get married, and our relationship will improve?" It doesn't work that way. Marriage accentuates the good, and accentuates the bad. The more that you are alike with the one you want to marry, that's like money in the bank. And the ways that you are different, especially ways that could create day-to-day conflict, that's like having a debit. You want as few debits, and more money in the bank, in your relationship that you can possibly have. Every relationship can handle a few debits, but pretty soon those debits start adding up, and can start overwhelming the relationship. People who go into marriage with a heavy debt load (lots of day-to-day conflicts) are asking for trouble.
My thoughts.
When you get married, your goal is to choose someone you will spend the rest of your life with. Just think, putting aside the idea of marriage for a moment, of choosing a roommate that you would live with for the rest of your life. Would that fact influence some of the things you are looking for in the roommate? Forget about love for just a moment. A roommate for the rest of your life. For example, let's say you're a neatnik and she's a slob - not a good idea, right? Or if he's a sports nut and you don't like sports? Or if she likes television and you like it quiet. If he's a party animal, and you're not... etc. Just not a good idea. Do you see what I'm saying?
So there is a sense in which a lot of questions need to be asked about our potential mate. "Are we going to be good together in the day-to-day aspect of life?" Do you fit together in the vital areas? Do the paces of your lives match? Your values? Your commitment to Christ? The way you are committed to Christ? What you each feel like should look like a relationship, your family. If you have someone, for example, who is a Calvanist, and one who is Arminian, it is just not going to work, even though they both love the Lord. You have divergences that are so wide that they create a lot of conflict.
You need to find someone who is a lot like you in the important areas of life. It is so common sensible. But people don't do that. They look for the person they are "madly in love" with. And the problem with being "madly in love" with someone is, first of all, maybe you don't find someone you are "madly in love" with and then you never get married, or you might find several people and can't decide, or maybe the in-love feeling clouds up the fact that you are lousy in the relationship, i.e., incompatible.
How realistic does it sound to have a person that you bicker, bicker, bicker and fight with, and then say, "well, let's get married, and our relationship will improve?" It doesn't work that way. Marriage accentuates the good, and accentuates the bad. The more that you are alike with the one you want to marry, that's like money in the bank. And the ways that you are different, especially ways that could create day-to-day conflict, that's like having a debit. You want as few debits, and more money in the bank, in your relationship that you can possibly have. Every relationship can handle a few debits, but pretty soon those debits start adding up, and can start overwhelming the relationship. People who go into marriage with a heavy debt load (lots of day-to-day conflicts) are asking for trouble.
My thoughts.
