I was one of those kids growing up with everything he wanted. I had a great family and just had great times. The only thing that I hated doing was waking up in the morning and going to sunday school. My mom teaches a sunday school class and so she forced my brothers and I to go every week and my dad would come and pick my brothers and I up after the first service and my mom would go to "big church". Everything changed though when my dad was diagnosed with lymphoma in 2004. For the next year and a half my dad was in and out of the hospital and my brothers and I were always at friends houses or with babysitters while my mom was there with him. When my dad was home all he could was sleep because he was so tired from treatment. A year later my dad lost his fight on Halloween. I had just turned 10 three days before he lost his fight. At this point in my life I turned away from the Lord completely. The only prayers I prayed was me asking why. When I got to middle school our church started offering bible studies and things to do so my mom signed me up for everything. One wednesday at a bible study we were discussing Job. Job totally changed my views of God. Out of everything that happened to that man he just continued to worship the Lord. From that point on I started to try and understand. Later that year I went on my first retreat with a couple buddies and I accepted Christ for the first time that saturday night. I went on from there claiming I was a Christian but still hanging with the wrong crowds. I screwed up my 6th grade year by dating this girl and blowing off everyone I knew because I thought she was so amazing. In the end none of it was real and I had lost all of my friends because of her. I was getting threatened daily and was scared for my life. I walked the hallways as a total loser and got pushed around. The year dragged on and I continued slipped deeper and deeper in depression. I cut myself a couple times but mostly for attention. I was just in a low place. Over the summer I went to a week long camp and met some of my best friends to this day. That week I realized being a Christian was more than just speaking the truth. When I got home I started acting like a Christian. 7th grade rolled around and I started hanging out with the right crowds and joined a disciple class and it was like that through 8th grade into august of this year. This year I fell in love with a girl and we had an amazing relationship but in August she got depressed and wouldnt tell me what was going on. I automatically started thinking the worst and then my mom and her new boyfriend were fighting so she was upset taking it out on me and my brothers and my brothers took it out on me and I just kept it all bundled up inside. It got to the point where I couldnt take it anymore and I was about to write my suicide letter to my mom, but again one wednesday I was at a worship service and I sat down next to my youth leader and he asked me how I was. I told him the complete truth by saying I was lost. I continued to explain everything that was going on in my life and included the suicide part. He prayed over me as I cried on his shoulder. He told me that God didnt want me to end my life because my life is just beginning. After that night I felt relieved and like everything was going good again. My mom was happy again me and my girls relationship was amazing again and my brothers were happy. It went good until October again and my girlfriend broke up with me but it wasnt that big of a deal. It didnt break me down but I have been holding back a lot of anger since then and I still have all this rage built up inside of me. I ask all of you who read this to pray that I can find peace. 2011 I am going hard after Jesus and I'm staying with it, because nothing will break me!