What exactly would you say a testimony is? Would you say it is your walk with God, or just overcoming obstacles in your life? Or, could it be both? Well, i tend to believe it is both, and more.
It all started with me being born. I was born in Oklahoma. I was a good energetic, loving kid. I couldn't make my parents more happy. Well, after months of the scorching hot weather, we moved to Belgium. That was where my life was changed.
While in Belgium, i was around the age of 3, and i was outside riding my tricycle. A 16 year old boy was coming home from school, when he stopped in my front sidewalk to talk to me. Well, after a while, seeming to be a nice guy, he convinced me to take a walk with him. So, i did. Well, around a corner, there was a ditch where there was a spot that lead to an indented sewage. I went to the sewage with him and he started undressing. Which, got me a little scared. Well, he then was mostly naked, and then started to undress me. He then started doing things with me, and well.. you know what happens. It ended up that i had been molested. This would change my life forever. Forever.
As a kid, i never had a father figure. Because, my dad didn't know how. Because he also didn't have a father, nor did his father. So, after being molested, i needed a father figure to help me. Well, i didn't, and this hurt. So, my loving, God sent, mother.. decided to get me help. I started going to counseling. Well, this guy was noone special. Yes, he helped me establish a male role model.. but he didn't help me with my problem. So, my mother made me stop seeing him.
Well, by this time, my dad was now out of the military, and was now a police officer. A Pennsylvania State Police Trooper, to be exact. So, at this time i was in second grade. Well, my problem pursued. And my mother finally caught on, because i had been lying to her and telling her it was solved. Sad thing is, my father caught on to it also. He really embarassed me. He called me many names, ***, dick sucker, etc. Well, not having a father, and when you start to have one, him calling you this, instead of trying to help you, set some scars. So, my mom, got me a new counselor. This counselor was sent from heaven. He not only was an excellent male role model, but helped me solve my problem. I stopped for once, and was very proud of it, and thought i was on top of the world. I THOUGHT, I had been cured by an angel.
Well, it was time to move, again, because of my dad's job. We moved a little more north in PA, and well.. it started off great. I was an instant success. All the kids liked me, i had good grades, it was all great. Then, a summer went bye, and i came back, and my friends started to leave me. Then, all at once, some, but a few, left me, and i had only a couple true friends with me. So, that hurt, very bad, and on top of that, it got worse. I started being bullied. Slightly physical, but mostly mental. I kept being called a ***, a queer, a girl, a wimp.. etc, you name it, i was called it. I then started threatening suicide to my mother. She, knowing i was a very loving person, wouldn't do this. And she was right, i never did. She sought it as a cry for attention, but no, it was a cry for help. So, i started doing what i was doing earlier in life. And you know what that is. Well, after that, i got into what is called porn. It started out soft. I watched it around once a week. And i didn't think it to be soo bad. Shortly after this we moved.
This house, is where i am living now. Well, again, started out good. Then as the other school, went sour, and i lost all of my friends. This then spiraled into more, and more bullying. I then wanted to find a way to get out of this life, without taking my own life. I started playing CS 1.6, an online game. Well, this game took over my life, and i became completely anti-social. I also became a serious porn addict. I watched porn 2-3 times a day. And this was gay porn, and you ask why, i'm sure. Because at this time, my dad left me, he pretty much wrote me off, and all of my male role models were gone. So, i started watching this. And it was sure to rock my life for good. Until one day, when i had just had enough of life, and decided to end my own life. I told my mother, good bye, and i promise you, i will kill myself tonight. Now, i think it was a message from God, because she believed me this time. Before, she thought it was a cry for attention, and realized, this time i was forreal.
Well, i was admitted into a hospital for a couple days. Man, it was terrible. Besided their food was actual alright. Well, i did nothing alllll day, besides think of what my life had come to. What had it come to? Well, it had come down to, me getting closer to God, and finally start following him with all of my heart, and putting nothing before him. So I did. I came back to school 3 days later with a new ambition. To be all for God, and let nothing go in my way.
Well, that didn't do anything. I came back to school, got bullied some more, teased some more and everything else, not to mention my grades decreased tremendously. I went from a straight A student, to a straight 70-83% student. Well, it hit an all time low, 2 weeks before my 7th grade year was going to end. I couldn't take it anymore, and became very .. i don't know what the word is... just very self reserved, and wouldn't speak to anyone, and then just clenched up, and wouldn't speak. I just curled up to myself, in lunch, and just started balling. So i spent the entire room in the principal's office. The principal was a real, real help. He helped me be more of me, and less of what other people wanted me to be.
Well, it was time for summer. I had a freedom that couldn't be explained. I didn't have to worry about anything besides me. So, i focused on GOD the father almighty. We became very close, and became a Jesus Finatic(spelling?) I spent all my time focusing on my relationship with God. It all hit me when my mother presented me with this one song she found. It was called, You Are a Child of Mine, by Mark Schultz. If you have a minute look this song up. This song was almost like a wake up call, of God speaking directly to me. This song changed my life. It helped me to realize, that God was my father, let me say that again, my FATHER. Something i had been needing all my life. (By this time i turned 14.) A father, who knew me as a dad, and i was his son. A son that he loved more than anything in the world. Life was good. But, it was now time for school.
Well, school came, and well, i got mixed with the wrong group of friends, and let my strong faith, slip away, once again. I became a fake, insecure, immature, popular kid in school. (Keep in mind this is in 8th grade.) Well, these friends, as my other ones, quit on me, because i wasn't COOL enough, and was not RICH enough. So, once again, i became suicidal, because the kids who left me, then turned on me. So, this previous February, of 2006, i swallowed 22 pills. I figured it would be a painless death. Well, i cracked, and told my mother i had done it, and was rushed to the hospital, and well.. it turned out everything was alright. I had a little trouble eating, and going to the bathroom, this in a way helped me. It made me realize, that after 22 pills, nothing happening, God wanted me on this earth. And i was going to STAY.
Well, at this time, i met a new group of friends. And well, it was a little rocky, but these kids were sent from heaven. Although, most of them were girls. I became good friends with two of them. Well, this somewhat ended when i realized something. One one of the girls was pretty much the ring leader, and would manipulate the other girl, Kyla. Well, I helped Kyla to realize this, and well, it all started to become great. Kyla, is also going through things in life, and well... we needed, each other. Well, we spent every day together. We were constantly at her house riding horses, or at my house taking long walks, just talking. It was a match from God, so I thought. Well, for some reason Kyla, kind of changed. Her old friend, the manipulator, (now when i say manipulater, i don't mean that in an extreme way, just as,.. she would get her way, when there was a discussion with Kyla.) came back into the picture. And well.. this then affected Kyla, and I's relationship. She left me, after all we had together, left me for her old friends. Well, it hurt me the most, with how she delt with it. She came up with a plan, to make me dump her in a certain amount of days. Well, it worked, and when i confronted her and said i thought friendship was the best way, she laughed at me and went away. Now, the laughter, i could deal with, but the part of the plan hurt me the most. We said in the beginning of our relationships, that if it went wrong, we would go back to being good friends. And we were going to stick to it. Because, our friendship was priceless, and meant more to both of us than anything. Well, anyway, after this we stopped talking, and life got really bad for me. I left alllll of my friends for Kyla. And well, they wouldn't accept me back into their (group of friends) so i had no one. Well, i became a mental wreck. I started watching more and more porn, except for this time, it was regular porn, because thanks be to my GOD, the one and only, i got over the whole gay thing. And i wanted normal porn. And i watched this also a couple times a day. On top of that, i started a bad life. For a couple weeks, i started into drinking. I drank, and drank, and drank everyday, i stole beer from my dad. Yes, it was wrong, but i thought i was cool, and felt older and more of a man. Well, i became very lonely, i thought i was cool, and my friends told me i was a loser. So, thought it over, and realized i needed God. And well, that led up to where i am right now.
Now, i am all for God. And have made it a point to follow him wherever he wants me to go, and i will stay with him forever this time. Yes, i still have no friends because of what happened with Kyla, but that's okay. I don't mind it. I just, more than anything, want Kyla to be my friend again, because at one point and time, she was my world, and i miss that. We were close, and very, very, very, good friends. And i hope that she will someday realize that, and want to be my friend again. But until then, all i am focused on is my God, and nothing else.
That is my testimony, i hope it helped you, and if you want to leave any comments leave me an email, and i will be sure to read it, and post it on the net, with an anonymous name, if you want, so people can see how it has changed other peoples opinions and lives.
Thank you,
Jesse Bell
It all started with me being born. I was born in Oklahoma. I was a good energetic, loving kid. I couldn't make my parents more happy. Well, after months of the scorching hot weather, we moved to Belgium. That was where my life was changed.
While in Belgium, i was around the age of 3, and i was outside riding my tricycle. A 16 year old boy was coming home from school, when he stopped in my front sidewalk to talk to me. Well, after a while, seeming to be a nice guy, he convinced me to take a walk with him. So, i did. Well, around a corner, there was a ditch where there was a spot that lead to an indented sewage. I went to the sewage with him and he started undressing. Which, got me a little scared. Well, he then was mostly naked, and then started to undress me. He then started doing things with me, and well.. you know what happens. It ended up that i had been molested. This would change my life forever. Forever.
As a kid, i never had a father figure. Because, my dad didn't know how. Because he also didn't have a father, nor did his father. So, after being molested, i needed a father figure to help me. Well, i didn't, and this hurt. So, my loving, God sent, mother.. decided to get me help. I started going to counseling. Well, this guy was noone special. Yes, he helped me establish a male role model.. but he didn't help me with my problem. So, my mother made me stop seeing him.
Well, by this time, my dad was now out of the military, and was now a police officer. A Pennsylvania State Police Trooper, to be exact. So, at this time i was in second grade. Well, my problem pursued. And my mother finally caught on, because i had been lying to her and telling her it was solved. Sad thing is, my father caught on to it also. He really embarassed me. He called me many names, ***, dick sucker, etc. Well, not having a father, and when you start to have one, him calling you this, instead of trying to help you, set some scars. So, my mom, got me a new counselor. This counselor was sent from heaven. He not only was an excellent male role model, but helped me solve my problem. I stopped for once, and was very proud of it, and thought i was on top of the world. I THOUGHT, I had been cured by an angel.
Well, it was time to move, again, because of my dad's job. We moved a little more north in PA, and well.. it started off great. I was an instant success. All the kids liked me, i had good grades, it was all great. Then, a summer went bye, and i came back, and my friends started to leave me. Then, all at once, some, but a few, left me, and i had only a couple true friends with me. So, that hurt, very bad, and on top of that, it got worse. I started being bullied. Slightly physical, but mostly mental. I kept being called a ***, a queer, a girl, a wimp.. etc, you name it, i was called it. I then started threatening suicide to my mother. She, knowing i was a very loving person, wouldn't do this. And she was right, i never did. She sought it as a cry for attention, but no, it was a cry for help. So, i started doing what i was doing earlier in life. And you know what that is. Well, after that, i got into what is called porn. It started out soft. I watched it around once a week. And i didn't think it to be soo bad. Shortly after this we moved.
This house, is where i am living now. Well, again, started out good. Then as the other school, went sour, and i lost all of my friends. This then spiraled into more, and more bullying. I then wanted to find a way to get out of this life, without taking my own life. I started playing CS 1.6, an online game. Well, this game took over my life, and i became completely anti-social. I also became a serious porn addict. I watched porn 2-3 times a day. And this was gay porn, and you ask why, i'm sure. Because at this time, my dad left me, he pretty much wrote me off, and all of my male role models were gone. So, i started watching this. And it was sure to rock my life for good. Until one day, when i had just had enough of life, and decided to end my own life. I told my mother, good bye, and i promise you, i will kill myself tonight. Now, i think it was a message from God, because she believed me this time. Before, she thought it was a cry for attention, and realized, this time i was forreal.
Well, i was admitted into a hospital for a couple days. Man, it was terrible. Besided their food was actual alright. Well, i did nothing alllll day, besides think of what my life had come to. What had it come to? Well, it had come down to, me getting closer to God, and finally start following him with all of my heart, and putting nothing before him. So I did. I came back to school 3 days later with a new ambition. To be all for God, and let nothing go in my way.
Well, that didn't do anything. I came back to school, got bullied some more, teased some more and everything else, not to mention my grades decreased tremendously. I went from a straight A student, to a straight 70-83% student. Well, it hit an all time low, 2 weeks before my 7th grade year was going to end. I couldn't take it anymore, and became very .. i don't know what the word is... just very self reserved, and wouldn't speak to anyone, and then just clenched up, and wouldn't speak. I just curled up to myself, in lunch, and just started balling. So i spent the entire room in the principal's office. The principal was a real, real help. He helped me be more of me, and less of what other people wanted me to be.
Well, it was time for summer. I had a freedom that couldn't be explained. I didn't have to worry about anything besides me. So, i focused on GOD the father almighty. We became very close, and became a Jesus Finatic(spelling?) I spent all my time focusing on my relationship with God. It all hit me when my mother presented me with this one song she found. It was called, You Are a Child of Mine, by Mark Schultz. If you have a minute look this song up. This song was almost like a wake up call, of God speaking directly to me. This song changed my life. It helped me to realize, that God was my father, let me say that again, my FATHER. Something i had been needing all my life. (By this time i turned 14.) A father, who knew me as a dad, and i was his son. A son that he loved more than anything in the world. Life was good. But, it was now time for school.
Well, school came, and well, i got mixed with the wrong group of friends, and let my strong faith, slip away, once again. I became a fake, insecure, immature, popular kid in school. (Keep in mind this is in 8th grade.) Well, these friends, as my other ones, quit on me, because i wasn't COOL enough, and was not RICH enough. So, once again, i became suicidal, because the kids who left me, then turned on me. So, this previous February, of 2006, i swallowed 22 pills. I figured it would be a painless death. Well, i cracked, and told my mother i had done it, and was rushed to the hospital, and well.. it turned out everything was alright. I had a little trouble eating, and going to the bathroom, this in a way helped me. It made me realize, that after 22 pills, nothing happening, God wanted me on this earth. And i was going to STAY.
Well, at this time, i met a new group of friends. And well, it was a little rocky, but these kids were sent from heaven. Although, most of them were girls. I became good friends with two of them. Well, this somewhat ended when i realized something. One one of the girls was pretty much the ring leader, and would manipulate the other girl, Kyla. Well, I helped Kyla to realize this, and well, it all started to become great. Kyla, is also going through things in life, and well... we needed, each other. Well, we spent every day together. We were constantly at her house riding horses, or at my house taking long walks, just talking. It was a match from God, so I thought. Well, for some reason Kyla, kind of changed. Her old friend, the manipulator, (now when i say manipulater, i don't mean that in an extreme way, just as,.. she would get her way, when there was a discussion with Kyla.) came back into the picture. And well.. this then affected Kyla, and I's relationship. She left me, after all we had together, left me for her old friends. Well, it hurt me the most, with how she delt with it. She came up with a plan, to make me dump her in a certain amount of days. Well, it worked, and when i confronted her and said i thought friendship was the best way, she laughed at me and went away. Now, the laughter, i could deal with, but the part of the plan hurt me the most. We said in the beginning of our relationships, that if it went wrong, we would go back to being good friends. And we were going to stick to it. Because, our friendship was priceless, and meant more to both of us than anything. Well, anyway, after this we stopped talking, and life got really bad for me. I left alllll of my friends for Kyla. And well, they wouldn't accept me back into their (group of friends) so i had no one. Well, i became a mental wreck. I started watching more and more porn, except for this time, it was regular porn, because thanks be to my GOD, the one and only, i got over the whole gay thing. And i wanted normal porn. And i watched this also a couple times a day. On top of that, i started a bad life. For a couple weeks, i started into drinking. I drank, and drank, and drank everyday, i stole beer from my dad. Yes, it was wrong, but i thought i was cool, and felt older and more of a man. Well, i became very lonely, i thought i was cool, and my friends told me i was a loser. So, thought it over, and realized i needed God. And well, that led up to where i am right now.
Now, i am all for God. And have made it a point to follow him wherever he wants me to go, and i will stay with him forever this time. Yes, i still have no friends because of what happened with Kyla, but that's okay. I don't mind it. I just, more than anything, want Kyla to be my friend again, because at one point and time, she was my world, and i miss that. We were close, and very, very, very, good friends. And i hope that she will someday realize that, and want to be my friend again. But until then, all i am focused on is my God, and nothing else.
That is my testimony, i hope it helped you, and if you want to leave any comments leave me an email, and i will be sure to read it, and post it on the net, with an anonymous name, if you want, so people can see how it has changed other peoples opinions and lives.
Thank you,
Jesse Bell
