Here is my testimony summarized:
Parents got divorced in October 2000.
Dad got remarried one year later in 2001.
Received constant depression and suicidal thoughts summer 2005. (read ultimate testimony for more information below)
Dad got divorced in September 2005, stepmom left us.
We are forced to move out of our house.
Many family members have died.
My father has been diagnosed with cancer (late 2005) and only has 6-8 months to live.
And... my ultimate testimony is below.
It was just over seven months and a half ago. I was all alone in my home, my mother had left the house for the night to go drink, my uncle left to go to a strip club, and I was left home alone. I was so depressed and down in a mental state of mind that I could not and still cannot describe. It was uncontrollable. I went, searching for a gun. I found my six-shooter and I loaded it, all six holes filled with bullets. I said a few last things, and slowly pulled my sweaty index finger back and nothing happened. No bang, no snap, no noise, no nothing. I said, "O...K?"...so I went and found another gun. It was a glock 20 mm auto pistol, 20 rounds in a clip. I did the same thing; mumbled off a few words to myself and then slowly pulled my sweaty index finger back again and then I still got no bang, snap, etc. No NOTHING! I was in awe. So I had tried two different guns and neither of them worked. I found that strange, nearly / almost impossible. So I went downstairs to the kitchen to grab a huge butcher knife. I went to go take a stab at my heart, and something at that very moment - something that I cannot and will not ever be able to describe the feeling of - knocked me straight on my knees and it was a hard blow to the ground, too. Remember, no one was home - no animals, people, etc. Just me. So I hear this voice. This very, very loud voice that started to talk to me. It said, "I don't know why you want to end your life like this, but I have great plans for you. I am going to use you for great things in your life, and you will spread my will and show my way and light through you unto other people." Little did I know, that "voice" was God talking to me, angered at me for wanting to end such a beautifully-crafted life He had planned out for me. I didn't open my eyes whenever I heard this "voice" talking to me. It was strange, however, because whenever I had previously encountered Jesus or God in my prayers, He would speak TO me. But no, this time, I felt God's presence, His wonderful heat and pure heart in front of me, loving me and sparing my life. From then on, I realized how foolish of myself I was and have been such a stronger Christian ever since. You see, you are loved by God NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO.
Love in Christ,
Brandon
Parents got divorced in October 2000.
Dad got remarried one year later in 2001.
Received constant depression and suicidal thoughts summer 2005. (read ultimate testimony for more information below)
Dad got divorced in September 2005, stepmom left us.
We are forced to move out of our house.
Many family members have died.
My father has been diagnosed with cancer (late 2005) and only has 6-8 months to live.
And... my ultimate testimony is below.
It was just over seven months and a half ago. I was all alone in my home, my mother had left the house for the night to go drink, my uncle left to go to a strip club, and I was left home alone. I was so depressed and down in a mental state of mind that I could not and still cannot describe. It was uncontrollable. I went, searching for a gun. I found my six-shooter and I loaded it, all six holes filled with bullets. I said a few last things, and slowly pulled my sweaty index finger back and nothing happened. No bang, no snap, no noise, no nothing. I said, "O...K?"...so I went and found another gun. It was a glock 20 mm auto pistol, 20 rounds in a clip. I did the same thing; mumbled off a few words to myself and then slowly pulled my sweaty index finger back again and then I still got no bang, snap, etc. No NOTHING! I was in awe. So I had tried two different guns and neither of them worked. I found that strange, nearly / almost impossible. So I went downstairs to the kitchen to grab a huge butcher knife. I went to go take a stab at my heart, and something at that very moment - something that I cannot and will not ever be able to describe the feeling of - knocked me straight on my knees and it was a hard blow to the ground, too. Remember, no one was home - no animals, people, etc. Just me. So I hear this voice. This very, very loud voice that started to talk to me. It said, "I don't know why you want to end your life like this, but I have great plans for you. I am going to use you for great things in your life, and you will spread my will and show my way and light through you unto other people." Little did I know, that "voice" was God talking to me, angered at me for wanting to end such a beautifully-crafted life He had planned out for me. I didn't open my eyes whenever I heard this "voice" talking to me. It was strange, however, because whenever I had previously encountered Jesus or God in my prayers, He would speak TO me. But no, this time, I felt God's presence, His wonderful heat and pure heart in front of me, loving me and sparing my life. From then on, I realized how foolish of myself I was and have been such a stronger Christian ever since. You see, you are loved by God NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO.
Love in Christ,
Brandon
