My story

[TomCS]

I'm feeling reluctant to make this post at all, because in the past I have been shamed and belittled for talking about abuse. I've been told that whining about abuse in my past is for crybabies, losers, and weaklings. Well, at the risk of being a crybaby, I'm going to write this anyway.

When I was a child, I suffered abuse at home, in school, and from my religion. At home and school, I suffered mild physical abuse, extreme verbal and emotional abuse, and the jury is still out on sexual abuse. I honestly can't make a determination one way or the other as to whether or not I was sexually abused. There are periods of time in my childhood that I can remember nothing of at all. Maybe my memory is repressing something horrible, or maybe it isn't; only God knows. I suffered physical violence and threats of violence both at home and school. I was afraid and miserable all the time. I was mocked, belittled, ridiculed, and made fun of all the time; by both other children and by disturbed adults.

My religion inflicted upon me the worst spiritual abuse possible; it led me astray as to the truth of the Gospel of Christ. I would still be lost today, and on my way to damnation when I die, if I still believed what my former religion taught me. But God mercifully brought Christians and preachers into my life who showed me the truth of what the Bible says. So I believed in the Lord Jesus Christ as my own Savior by His work on the cross of Calvary for me. Thanks be to God for saving me when I believed the Gospel of Christ, as stated by God in Romans 1-5.

I thank the Lord Jesus for saving my soul, now I ask that He release me from the bitterness, the anger, the desire for vengeance, and the shame from the abuse in my past. Please help me Lord, to do as You said I should do in Ephesians 4:32, "forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."

 

[mjmcmillan]

It's a rough road, but with God's help it does eventually get a bit easier.

The bit about forgiving those who hurt you can be the roughest, but it's also the most necessary--- for your own sake if not for theirs. For one thing, it shifts the burden from your shoulders to God's shoulders. It becomes His problem to figure out what to do with abusive people in your--- and my-- life, and no longer ours. That's a good thing, because I don't know about you but for my part I found out a long time ago I don't handle bitterness all that well.

I wasn't abused as a child, I waited until I was an adult to get victimised by an abusive wife. I get where you're coming from because I've been there. I still keep stuff bottled up because sharing it with others is a bit riskier than I care for--- for many of the same reasons you mentioned. About the only place I've found safe to really open up is before God in personal prayer--- He knows all about it anyway, and believe it or not He's not inclined to make you feel worse, seems He's in the healing business.

 

[TomCS]

It's a rough road, but with God's help it does eventually get a bit easier.

The bit about forgiving those who hurt you can be the roughest, but it's also the most necessary--- for your own sake if not for theirs. For one thing, it shifts the burden from your shoulders to God's shoulders. It becomes His problem to figure out what to do with abusive people in your--- and my-- life, and no longer ours. That's a good thing, because I don't know about you but for my part I found out a long time ago I don't handle bitterness all that well.

I wasn't abused as a child, I waited until I was an adult to get victimised by an abusive wife. I get where you're coming from because I've been there. I still keep stuff bottled up because sharing it with others is a bit riskier than I care for--- for many of the same reasons you mentioned. About the only place I've found safe to really open up is before God in personal prayer--- He knows all about it anyway, and believe it or not He's not inclined to make you feel worse, seems He's in the healing business.

Thank you very much for your kind response. God bless you.

 

[Johnnz]

You will need to go on a journey with a travelling companion (someone such as a counsellor) to assist you in working through the many issues abuse inflicts onto a person. If you see that as a process rather than a sudden event it can take away an unrealistic expectation. God may just do something sudden and dramatic, but that's His call. Meantime, get started on that journey.

John
NZ

 

[Criada]

I'm so sorry, Tom, that kind of abuse can have such a huge effect on the rest of uor lives.
You are right about forgiveness, it is so very important... and so hard!

What helped me a lot was a wise friend who told me that forgiveness is not a feeling, it is a decision. When I decided to forgive, I still felt the bitterness and the anger, but I told God that I wantd t forgive, and I began to pray for them, and ask God to bless them and to save them. And gradually, the feelings changed and came into line with God's will... I began to see them as lost sinners and to love them with His love.
It takes a long time, and as Johnnz says, it helps if you have someone to work things through with.
But God sees your desire to forgive, and He will help you to get there.

As for the shame... that doesn't belong to you, dear one, it belongs to those who did those things to a defenceless child. Being a victim really hurts, but it isn't a reason to be guilty or ashamed. Easier said than done, I know... but talking about it here is a big first step to learning that

Praying for you, brother.