My story...

[Auntie]

I lost my mom, my dad, and my granny in 24 months time.
It's been a while, so it's somewhat easier to talk about.

My granny died August 16th, 1996, 9:00am.
My mom died August 16th, 1997, 10:00am.
My dad died Sept. 5th, 1998.

My granny was my mentor, my best friend.
Losing her was beyond what I could fatham, but my mind told me I needed to take care of my mom.
Mom got sick with cancer, 10 months after granny died.
I lost my mom 2 months after she got sick.
It was the BIGGEST loss of my life, ever.

My dad was brutally murdered, in his own home, beaten to death, by a man he was trying to help.

In 2004, I "lost" my son to crystal meth.
He is still alive, but I haven't seen him for 4 years, 6 months, and one day.

All of this has REALLY had a hard effect on my relationship with God.
I have struggled greatly, and I still struggle. I think I will always struggle.
The man who killed my dad had been a Baptist preacher, he had a church in Miami, FL.

My meager advice to those of you who are hurting:
This is a pain we carry with us the rest of our lives.
It gets somewhat easier to bear, but the pain of the loss remains deep in the heart.
Cry when you need to cry, scream if you need to scream.
Above all, talk to God about it every day.
Prayer is the key to dealing with great losses of loved ones.
Daily prayer, cry out to God, tell him how much you hurt.
Ask him to heal your heart, heal your spirit.
We are broken people, broken deep down in our heart and our spirit.

Spend time thanking God for the simple things of life.
Thanks for a shining sun, thanks for a plate of food.
Thanks for a job to ocupy our minds, thanks for dishes that need to be washed.

It takes time, a long long time, but you have to go on, you have to learn to live without the ones who defined who you are.
The ones who you never thought you would lose so soon, so suddenly, without warning.

God bless you all.

 

[NostalgicGranny]

Auntie,
All I can say is WOW! You have been through so much.

I find your strength inspiring.

Your dad's story is hard to fathom. How a preacher, baptist or otherwise could drop to that level is mind boggling. I pray someday you will find it in your heart to forgive the man. If you haven't please consider turning it over to God. That way forgiveness or not forgiving rests in his hands, and you won't have to carry that burden with you.

I lost my mom June 8th, 2008 and I am still in some ways grieving. Sure on the outside to the rest of the world it is over, but to me . . . not so much so. It is still hard to fathom the rest of my life without her.
After mom died I prayed for a distraction. Boy did I ever get one! Within the hour. In the form of a tiny little skin and bones puppy. Sunshine. First she chewed up all of my shoes, except for the pair that I have now. Then she pretty well chewed up anything she could. She is half grown now but still quite the handful. In fact just the other day I was talking to God and said I didn't exactly anticipate this distraction lasting forever. (I am praying Sunshine mellows out a little as she ages.)

My son is alive but lost as well . . . Not to drugs but to mental illness. It didn't steal his life, it stole his future. So my heart understands a little bit of that sort of loss too.

I'll be praying for you. *Don't worry, I won't be praying for a distraction for you. Just that God blesses you and brings your son back to you happy and whole again.
God Bless,
Granny

 

[Auntie]

Hi granny, thanks for your nice reply.

You are still new in grief for your mom, but it sounds like you are doing good.


I think I do forgive the man who killed my dad, it "feels" like I do.
He never went to trial, pleaded guilty, got 25 years.
He developed cancer in prison, died in the year 2001, Jan. 3rd.

So it's hard for me to "not" forgive him.
How pitiful, how sad, how horrible.
He came from a good family, reputable family in the community.
I think that's one reason why my dad tried to help him,
dad had confidence in this man because of his family's good reputation.

But he was a hot-head, with a wild temper,
beat my dad to death with a baseball bat.
Stole my dad's car, stole dad's social security check.

Here's what the crime scene tech told me:
Dad's Bible was open on the coffee table, open to Matthew Chap. 5.
The TV was on, a choir with their hands lifted, singing praises to God.
She said it appeared as if dad had been home alone, reading his Bible, watching Christian TV.

Then all hell broke loose.
A knock at the door, and dad made the mistake of opening the door.
Dad was 72 yrs. old, frail, I talked to him the week before, it was on his birthday.
His killer was 55 yrs. old, 6' 4", 350 lbs.
My poor dad never had a chance.

But it is all in the past now, I believe dad is in Heaven and in peace.

So sorry about your son, I know that must be hard.

 

[NostalgicGranny]

Honestly, above and beyond the actual way that your father died, I would take a great deal of comfort in knowing his bible was opened and a choir was singing in the background. As a Christian I could think of no better testament to your faith than to leave this world with your bible opened and a choir singing.

 

[Auntie]

Honestly, above and beyond the actual way that your father died, I would take a great deal of comfort in knowing his bible was opened and a choir was singing in the background. As a Christian I could think of no better testament to your faith than to leave this world with your bible opened and a choir singing.

Granny, I'm so glad you said that, because it is soooo true!

And when the crime scene tech told me that, it was a GREAT comfort to me.
It was like a message from God.
Like God was saying to me: "Judi, your dad is safe with me in Heaven".
And, it was like the choir was singing to my dad, celebrating his arrival in Heaven.

 

[Just Believe]

I'm so sorry for you losses. It's hard to fathom losing so many family members in a short span of time.

My brother was murdered in 2003 and while it's been 6 years this is something I know none of my family members will get ever.

Somedays are harder than others, but those of us who've lost people we hold dearly to our hearts should be comforted by the thought of knowing we will all be reunited one day.