This is my story and my torture here on earth without my dh.
. I am having a truly rough time accepting the fact that my beloved David has gone. Just a week before he died he had gone to the doctors for his annual check up as we were making our plans to go on our dream vacation to Alaska, coming home from there and traveling in our motor home across the country and back. The doctor said that David’s heart murmur sounded different and louder so he wanted him to be checked out before we left. He ordered a stress test, an echo cardiogram and blood work that was done on Wednesday the 28th of May. Monday the 2nd he was supposed to go in to the doctor’s office to get his test results, instead he died on Sunday night. The 5 children and I kept that appointment because we wanted to talk to the doctor to see what the results were of those tests, the doctor answered our questions but kept on saying “This man should not have died, there was nothing wrong with him and all of his tests came back negative”. It flabbergasted us completely as we were expecting to hear that if he had lived he would have to have gone in for surgery, after his death. That wasn’t the case at all and we are all completely stunned. What happened to the doctors’ understanding is that the electrodes of his heart just let go, it was like a shorting out of wires, so to speak.
Sunday night we had a beautiful night. He got home from my son’s as he was helping him to work on his camp. When he came in the door I greeted him as we always did to each other and we held on and hugged and kissed. David was very attentive to me in every way. I asked him if he had eaten, he said no he wanted to eat with me, so I proceeded to fix dinner for us. We ate, he took his shower and when he came out of the bathroom he sat in his recliner to watch some TV. He said he was still hungry, but that was nothing new, David liked to eat, I asked him what he would like and he told me an apple, I got up and got his apple, the paring knife and a bowl, he had eaten apples that way forever. About 9:30 I said to him I’m going to go to bed, I had a headache, I kissed him goodnight and told him I loved him. He came to bed about 15 minutes later and I was still not asleep so we cuddled and fell asleep together. I awoke about 6:00 the next morning and quietly left the room and pulled the door to so he could sleep. I turned on the coffee and took my shower, got dressed and started my day. About 7:55 he still wasn’t up so I went in to check on him, I opened the door and I knew something was wrong, he didn’t move or stir like he normally did, I called his name and there was no reply, I went to shake him and his body was cold. I grabbed the phone and called 9ll but it was already too late, he was gone. The mortician said that he had probably died the early hours of the morning. When the police and rescue came as they arrived before the mortician I thought I was going insane, my best friend and my neighbor came running over to me and asking what was wrong, I kept crying and screaming “he’s gone, he’s dead” over and over. She went in to look and there he was already wrapped in the sheet and the plastic going over him. I went insane and started screaming “no, no, no he can’t be gone, no, no, no it’s all a bad dream”. The ambulance left with the police and David’s body was in the bag and being taken out by the mortician, I couldn’t look. The family was all here and I went crazy, I kept pounding the floor screaming “no God no God, this can’t be real” “Why did you take my knight away”. But he is gone and my life is a mess, I don’t know what to do first, but I do know that I am going thru the emotions, of anger, fear, frustration and disbelief. I have no idea why God called him home, but I know that he is up there with Jesus, that’s the only consolation that I have. I have a broken heart and a broken spirit as well as my soul.
I know I have to clean up this house and move on, but it’s not in me, I have 30 days to vacate and I can’t bear it, I haven’t done a thing yet. Our dreams are shattered and broken and sometimes I wonder how I will be able to go on, sometimes I don’t think I can but yet I believe in the power of prayer and I know I want to be with David again someday, as I know he is in Heaven with God. For some reason God needed him up there more than I needed him here, but it doesn’t help the confusion and the pain.
Please continue to hold me up in prayer, I really need you all so much. This has been very hard writing this but I know that I needed to get it out. I have cried the whole time I have written this.
. I am having a truly rough time accepting the fact that my beloved David has gone. Just a week before he died he had gone to the doctors for his annual check up as we were making our plans to go on our dream vacation to Alaska, coming home from there and traveling in our motor home across the country and back. The doctor said that David’s heart murmur sounded different and louder so he wanted him to be checked out before we left. He ordered a stress test, an echo cardiogram and blood work that was done on Wednesday the 28th of May. Monday the 2nd he was supposed to go in to the doctor’s office to get his test results, instead he died on Sunday night. The 5 children and I kept that appointment because we wanted to talk to the doctor to see what the results were of those tests, the doctor answered our questions but kept on saying “This man should not have died, there was nothing wrong with him and all of his tests came back negative”. It flabbergasted us completely as we were expecting to hear that if he had lived he would have to have gone in for surgery, after his death. That wasn’t the case at all and we are all completely stunned. What happened to the doctors’ understanding is that the electrodes of his heart just let go, it was like a shorting out of wires, so to speak.
Sunday night we had a beautiful night. He got home from my son’s as he was helping him to work on his camp. When he came in the door I greeted him as we always did to each other and we held on and hugged and kissed. David was very attentive to me in every way. I asked him if he had eaten, he said no he wanted to eat with me, so I proceeded to fix dinner for us. We ate, he took his shower and when he came out of the bathroom he sat in his recliner to watch some TV. He said he was still hungry, but that was nothing new, David liked to eat, I asked him what he would like and he told me an apple, I got up and got his apple, the paring knife and a bowl, he had eaten apples that way forever. About 9:30 I said to him I’m going to go to bed, I had a headache, I kissed him goodnight and told him I loved him. He came to bed about 15 minutes later and I was still not asleep so we cuddled and fell asleep together. I awoke about 6:00 the next morning and quietly left the room and pulled the door to so he could sleep. I turned on the coffee and took my shower, got dressed and started my day. About 7:55 he still wasn’t up so I went in to check on him, I opened the door and I knew something was wrong, he didn’t move or stir like he normally did, I called his name and there was no reply, I went to shake him and his body was cold. I grabbed the phone and called 9ll but it was already too late, he was gone. The mortician said that he had probably died the early hours of the morning. When the police and rescue came as they arrived before the mortician I thought I was going insane, my best friend and my neighbor came running over to me and asking what was wrong, I kept crying and screaming “he’s gone, he’s dead” over and over. She went in to look and there he was already wrapped in the sheet and the plastic going over him. I went insane and started screaming “no, no, no he can’t be gone, no, no, no it’s all a bad dream”. The ambulance left with the police and David’s body was in the bag and being taken out by the mortician, I couldn’t look. The family was all here and I went crazy, I kept pounding the floor screaming “no God no God, this can’t be real” “Why did you take my knight away”. But he is gone and my life is a mess, I don’t know what to do first, but I do know that I am going thru the emotions, of anger, fear, frustration and disbelief. I have no idea why God called him home, but I know that he is up there with Jesus, that’s the only consolation that I have. I have a broken heart and a broken spirit as well as my soul.
I know I have to clean up this house and move on, but it’s not in me, I have 30 days to vacate and I can’t bear it, I haven’t done a thing yet. Our dreams are shattered and broken and sometimes I wonder how I will be able to go on, sometimes I don’t think I can but yet I believe in the power of prayer and I know I want to be with David again someday, as I know he is in Heaven with God. For some reason God needed him up there more than I needed him here, but it doesn’t help the confusion and the pain.
Please continue to hold me up in prayer, I really need you all so much. This has been very hard writing this but I know that I needed to get it out. I have cried the whole time I have written this.
