Hey everyone, my name is Sqiz(nickname), I've have a story to tell and hopefully it will inspire people:
When I was 12 years old I began to realize I wasn't as happy as I used to be, but I shook it off as nothing.
At 13 it was getting worse, but I refused to tell my parents because I hated the thought of having to take medicene.
At 14 I was getting to the point of where I was having suicidal thoughts. I first cut myself in July of 2006. I fell and cut my leg open, and I kind of "helped" it not heal, my parents thought I had diabetes(I'm a little overweight for my age), so they took me to my doctor. My doctor said no, I had no signs of diabetes and my parents were very suspicious. I continued to cut myself on my arms, but I always wore long sleeves, and it seemed my parents thought nothing of it. By late December of 2006 my parents were very suspicious of the way I was acting, so they set me up with a therapist.
I went on January 8th 2007 and I spilled everything, my therapist and my parents decided to put me into a Psych Ward. I was there for 5 days, and they diagnosed me as Severely Depressed. They put me on Zoloft and Trazodone. The hospitalization didn't help much, but I put on a show for my parents.
On February 14 2007, I overdosed to try to kill myself, but I couldn't do it, I told my mentor and she called my parents. My parents told me to get shoes on and get in the car. I was sobbing at this point, we got in the car and tried to get out of the driveway. No such luck. The driveway was snow-covered, my mom drove the car as my dad pushed. I was shaking by this point in time, and it was getting worse by the minute. We finally got out of the driveway and we were on our way. My mom said I passed out for about 5 minutes while we were on our way to the hospital, but I woke up by the power of Jesus. I was barely able to walk into the ER. They took me back immediately because my dad had called the ER while we were on our way there to let them know we were coming. They made me drink liquid charcoal to absorb all the medicene in my system.
They then put me in another Psych Ward, and that helped a little bit. They kept my medication the way it was, just upped the dose of Zoloft.
In March I was put back in the Psych Ward for cutting and threatening to kill myself. They helped alot. They then diagnosed me as having Borderline Personality Disorder and took me off of the Zoloft and put me on Prozac. I was still on the Trazodone at this point.
I was doing much better for the time being, until May hit.
I was having severe panic attacks at least twice a day at this point, and it was because of the Prozac.
I was put back in the Psych Ward again for the same reasons as the time before, but more severe this time. At this point they diagnosed me as being Bipolar and put me on Abilify and Vistaril and took me off of the Prozac and Trazodone. I felt good about this diagnosis. I was doing much better when I got out of the hospital, but I still didn't feel like this was the turning point.
In October I was put back into the Psych Ward once more for trying to overdose again, but my brother found me before I did it. I was still cutting, and it was getting worse. They put me on Lamictal and Geodon and took me off of the Abilify because it can make you gain weight. I was still on the Vistaril. I was really stable for about for about 4 and a half months.
Two weeks ago I was put back into the Psych Ward to cutting alot and suicidal thoughts and ideations. They took me off of the Vistaril and put me on Topamax. And this time, I really feel was the turning point. I don't know why, I just feel in my heart that I'm supposed to be on this earth and I need to live, because I have a ministry. I really think I can do this. And really, I need to be here for my best friend. He is struggling with the exact same things I was struggling with, and I need to help him. But right now, I'm really concerned. He hasn't PMed me in 3 days, and that's not like him. Please, please, PLEASE pray for him.
But just remember, there IS a turning point, there is. It might take a while, but there is always a turning point. I've made it this far, and I know I can make it the rest of the way. Look at how far all of you have come. You all should be so proud of yourselves. You made it through so much. It might have taken some bad habits and some Psych Wards, but you made it through. Now, you need to learn to cope with your feelings, I learned something while I was in the hospital 2 weeks ago. That no matter where you cut, there is a chance you could die, NO MATTER WHERE. That scared me. Because when I cut, I didn't want to die, I needed a release. But anyway, just please listen to me. THERE IS A TURNING POINT. Just keep on keepin' on.
I hope I inspired someone or helped someone, I just really felt like the Lord asked me to do this. So I did. Please leave a comment if you please.
May the Lord be with you always,
~*Sqiz*~
But this is my story, I hope
When I was 12 years old I began to realize I wasn't as happy as I used to be, but I shook it off as nothing.
At 13 it was getting worse, but I refused to tell my parents because I hated the thought of having to take medicene.
At 14 I was getting to the point of where I was having suicidal thoughts. I first cut myself in July of 2006. I fell and cut my leg open, and I kind of "helped" it not heal, my parents thought I had diabetes(I'm a little overweight for my age), so they took me to my doctor. My doctor said no, I had no signs of diabetes and my parents were very suspicious. I continued to cut myself on my arms, but I always wore long sleeves, and it seemed my parents thought nothing of it. By late December of 2006 my parents were very suspicious of the way I was acting, so they set me up with a therapist.
I went on January 8th 2007 and I spilled everything, my therapist and my parents decided to put me into a Psych Ward. I was there for 5 days, and they diagnosed me as Severely Depressed. They put me on Zoloft and Trazodone. The hospitalization didn't help much, but I put on a show for my parents.
On February 14 2007, I overdosed to try to kill myself, but I couldn't do it, I told my mentor and she called my parents. My parents told me to get shoes on and get in the car. I was sobbing at this point, we got in the car and tried to get out of the driveway. No such luck. The driveway was snow-covered, my mom drove the car as my dad pushed. I was shaking by this point in time, and it was getting worse by the minute. We finally got out of the driveway and we were on our way. My mom said I passed out for about 5 minutes while we were on our way to the hospital, but I woke up by the power of Jesus. I was barely able to walk into the ER. They took me back immediately because my dad had called the ER while we were on our way there to let them know we were coming. They made me drink liquid charcoal to absorb all the medicene in my system.
They then put me in another Psych Ward, and that helped a little bit. They kept my medication the way it was, just upped the dose of Zoloft.
In March I was put back in the Psych Ward for cutting and threatening to kill myself. They helped alot. They then diagnosed me as having Borderline Personality Disorder and took me off of the Zoloft and put me on Prozac. I was still on the Trazodone at this point.
I was doing much better for the time being, until May hit.
I was having severe panic attacks at least twice a day at this point, and it was because of the Prozac.
I was put back in the Psych Ward again for the same reasons as the time before, but more severe this time. At this point they diagnosed me as being Bipolar and put me on Abilify and Vistaril and took me off of the Prozac and Trazodone. I felt good about this diagnosis. I was doing much better when I got out of the hospital, but I still didn't feel like this was the turning point.
In October I was put back into the Psych Ward once more for trying to overdose again, but my brother found me before I did it. I was still cutting, and it was getting worse. They put me on Lamictal and Geodon and took me off of the Abilify because it can make you gain weight. I was still on the Vistaril. I was really stable for about for about 4 and a half months.
Two weeks ago I was put back into the Psych Ward to cutting alot and suicidal thoughts and ideations. They took me off of the Vistaril and put me on Topamax. And this time, I really feel was the turning point. I don't know why, I just feel in my heart that I'm supposed to be on this earth and I need to live, because I have a ministry. I really think I can do this. And really, I need to be here for my best friend. He is struggling with the exact same things I was struggling with, and I need to help him. But right now, I'm really concerned. He hasn't PMed me in 3 days, and that's not like him. Please, please, PLEASE pray for him.
But just remember, there IS a turning point, there is. It might take a while, but there is always a turning point. I've made it this far, and I know I can make it the rest of the way. Look at how far all of you have come. You all should be so proud of yourselves. You made it through so much. It might have taken some bad habits and some Psych Wards, but you made it through. Now, you need to learn to cope with your feelings, I learned something while I was in the hospital 2 weeks ago. That no matter where you cut, there is a chance you could die, NO MATTER WHERE. That scared me. Because when I cut, I didn't want to die, I needed a release. But anyway, just please listen to me. THERE IS A TURNING POINT. Just keep on keepin' on.
I hope I inspired someone or helped someone, I just really felt like the Lord asked me to do this. So I did. Please leave a comment if you please.
May the Lord be with you always,
~*Sqiz*~
But this is my story, I hope
It's nice to feel accepted. 
