my story

[terrin]

When I met Dustin I thought he was the perfect Christian man for me. Well, I never was a good judge of character I suppose. It wasn't long after we started dating that he became very controlling and eventually physically abusive. I grew up in an abusive household and honestly, I wasn't expecting much more for myself.

After a year of being together and the violence escalating, he raped me...I had been a virgin before that night. I was devastated and didn't know what to do, and like a fool I stayed with him and believed him when he said he was sorry and that it would never happen again, and for a few days it DID seem like he was sorry, but then it happened again, and again, and again. He'd apologize each time and I was so deceived, feeling as if I had done something to deserve this. It took a pregnancy for me to really open my eyes, and I realized that perhaps my life was screwed up but that didn't give me the excuse to bring another little girl into this world to repeat the mistakes of my mother and me. So, in spite of the pastor insisting that I marry Dustin, I didn't. (To be fair, although the pastor knew that I came to church with bruises all over he didn't know that he had raped me.)

I moved far away and had my little girl, Faith. I suppose I could have had an abortion, I know that Dustin wanted me to have one, but I couldn't do it and I haven't regretted that. I know I could have given her up for adoption too, and perhaps that would have been better for her, but I was selfish. I carried her for nine and a half months and I couldn't let her go. I am fortunate to have a career that allows me to work for home for a decent salary and we're doing okay I suppose. I have tried to find a church but now I have to deal with the "unwed mother" stereotype, which is hurtful. I have gone to a few churches and have experienced the condemnation there, if only they knew what I had endured maybe they would not be so quick to judge me, or perhaps it would be more fuel for their fires. At any rate, I am praying that God will lead me to a good church where my daughter and I will be accepted, for I want to raise her up in a loving church family. I am trying to do everything right by her but sometimes it is so hard on my own.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

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[BelindaP]

You did the right thing. I have a friend who married the man who raped her. The marriage was worse than the relationship that she had before. She ended up getting divorced, which was looked-down upon even worse than the whole unwed pregnancy thing.

Your daughter has a right to live in a household without fear. She has a right to know what a decent relationship between a man and a woman is. My prayer for you is that some day you will find a man who truly lives up to the Christian name.

Now, I'm not sure how open you want to be about your history, but here is something to try if the whispering campaign starts up.

Go up to one of the biddies (it's usually biddies, anyway) who you know is gossiping about you and tell her how grateful you are that you can have such a stalwart friend who understands the struggle you went through in deciding not to abort the child of your rapist. Then walk away. You'll be amazed at the result.

 

[shazabella]

Congratulations on having the courage to share your story

- Shaz

 

[tapero]

God bless you Hon. I'm proud of you. Don't give up on finding the church for you! There's one out there that will love you and your daughter to pieces.

In Christ's love,
Tapero

 

[snowflake04]

i find it interesting that a "church" can look down on anyone divorced or single with child. There are grounds for divorce in the bible, and rape is not your fault! The Lord says so! You have nothing to be ashamed of. I pray that you will find a church family that will accept you and teach you the love of Christ the way it should be taught. No body should feel the freedom to judge on something like that. The Lord is our only judge. It will take a long time to move past all this, but one day through the Lord you will find true healing.

 

[summersnowflake]

terrin i do not belive u r the only person with this issue you did the right thing i do not belive in abbortion or adoption unless forced. i am sure u are a wonderful caring mother to have made those dissitions faith or any one else should not have to have those things done to them. take as much time as u need for i am sure god will heal.

 

[pennsyginny]

I am a survivor of child abuse, rape as an adult woman, and an abusive husband. I have nade really poor decisions but the church I am now in
is very loving to me and I am twice divorced. You just need to find the right church for you and you will if you keep looking. The church I have means so much to me. I hope you find one like it.
Please don't blame yourself for past decisions, just look forward to making new better ones.
God bless.

 

[jesusxchick]

You did the right thing by leaving. I know what you're going through, I also grew up in a bad home growing up. It's scary and makes you wonder about your future, but with God nothing is impossible. You're not being punished for anything at all, God loves you so much and it hurts Him to see you go through pain.

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time trying to find a church. Those people have no right to judge you and they have given you a chance. If you keep praying to God though, He'll lead you to a wonderful church where people won't judge you and you'll be accept with open arms of Christ's love.

God Bless You and I'll be praying for you

 

[Amin]

terrin, I hope you know that's not normal church behavior to be rejected like that.
You also shouldn't feel bad about being a single mom. How many people could stand up and throw the first stone, like Jesus said, Ye who is without sin, cast the first stone. Jesus didn't condemn her, just like he wouldn't you either.
If someone looks badly upon you, remember the one that matters, understands and does not condemn but forgives.
I hope things are better for you.
Chuck.

 

[BigToe]

I've known several girls who stayed in a relationship with a man who raped them more than once. A few weren't able to realize how harmful it was and move away, so make sure to give yourself credit for that. I'm sorry you've come across churches who look down on you for being an unwed mother. I wish people wouldn't make assumptions. Just know that God loves you and is holding your hand, and your daughter's, every step you take.

 

[LazeyWinde]

I wish people wouldn't make assumptions.

I it when people make assumptions like that... as if whatever situation you're in was your fault.
Keep looking, you may never find a church where everyone accepts you- unfortunately self righteous people needing to learn what compassion is are everywhere- but once you get a couple of true followers of Christ as friends those old hens won't be as much of a bother.
*hugs* Hang in there.