- Jul 16, 2006
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Please be warned, that this might trigger some thoughts, flashbacks and emotions. My intention is not to upset anyone in anyway, but to get the truth out and hope that it helps someone. It is a long one, so be warned!!
Well, here is my story. I have written it out in poetry before now as I find it loads easier to get my story across. I will post that later if anyone wants to read it.
Well, where do I start. Both my parents work in a religious setting. I won't name which organisation, as that isn't fair. I had very loving parents, to which I am very grateful for. However, because they worked quite long hours, I hardly ever got to see them, especially my dad. So, if parents are away, guess who steps in to look after the kids - the child minder/baby sitter. The person who looked after me and my brother, called Arthur (he is dead now!) was someone who stayed in this religious organisation. My parents kind of befriended him, and after about a year, he started looking after us.
How did it all start? I remember the first time that things weren't quite right. He made this game up called 'The Indian Kiss'. Basically, I would stand behind him on the sofa whilst he was sat down. He would grab me and bring me over his shoulders so that I would land laying down across his lap, and then he would give me a kiss. This would have happened a couple of times, but each time the kiss got more intense. I was about 7 or 8 at this point. This was done whilst my brother was watching TV. I don't remember my brother taking much notice, but he would have been about 4 or 5 at that point. (Plus, he has a learning difficulty which makes him a little younger than his real age - don't think he would have a clue what was going on in the back ground, which is good really). This is my first memory of my second abuse. (I could go into my first one later on - but the second abuse I endured was the major one!)
From then on, things got a little more intense. Over the 3 or 4 years of living in this place, he did numerous things. At bathtime, he would come into the bathroom and look at me in the bath. He would then 'play' with me whilst I was having a bath.
One time, I was sat on his knee whilst I was playing on the computer. He then put his hand down my pants and started to feel me. My mum came in from work then and walked through the door to where we were. She never saw anything, because our backs were to the door. I jumped up and went straight over to her to give her a hug. I felt so guilty at the time for what was happenening. My mum asked me that night if he was touching me at all. I denied what was happening. Why the heck did I do this? I think back now, and I can't believe that I denied what was going on. I really wish that I hadn't.
This was going on for about 2/3 years in this place. When we moved I was so relieved. I thought that it might all stop. Was I wrong, or what?! We didn't move that far away, probably about 5 miles or so. We had to move because of my parents jobs.
He turned up one day as he was going to baby sit us. Mind you, by this point I was about 10 or 11 years old. So, I have already had about 2/3 years of this already, how much more was I going to get. At this age, I had started to develop and mature aswell. He really loved this. His abuse towards me started to get abit more intense now. He started to feel me. At the moment, this makes me cringe so much just thinking about this. I feel so disgusting, even now!
I didn't know anyone else my age who were experiencing these feelings. All I know, was that it did give me a nice feeling inside, but I hated what he was doing to me. He even said that he loved me. Where the hell did he get that from?! At this point, I had realised that this was not normal, and that what he was doing was wrong. He started to give me money and chocolates. I didn't realise that this was to shut me up though. He showed me sex videos and magazines. He even told me that he was doing this with my mum and that she really enjoyed it. And I believed him - how gullable was I?!
I faced up to him once and told him that I had a boyfriend and that I wanted him to stop what he was doing. He did, for a little bit. He didn't argue with me or anything, but he stopped. I couldn't believe it. Mind you, the freedom didn't last for too long though. Somehow, he started it all again, but it became much more intense. He did things to me that I never imagined would ever happen...unless you were married. he also made me do things to him, which I hated so much.
Well, when did it all end? My mum asked me one night, 'Was he touching me?' I couldn't say anything. I felt so sick inside. I made some excuse that I needed to go into the toilet. I thought that I was really going to be sick. I felt so guilty about what was happenening, like it was all my fault. I came back out of the toilet and she asked me if I was ok and that she didn't mean to upset me, but she only wanted to know the truth.
She said that this would be the last time that she would ever ask me, and that if I said no, she would never ask me again. 'Was he touching me?' I bowed my head down, feeling really sick at this point and I just said yes. She started to cry, then I started to cry. It all came out then. I felt so relieved. She told my dad, and he went absolutely mental. Not at me, but at the situation. I think he felt guilty being the male role model and everything.
The abuse lasted for about 4 years, and this was 14 years ago! I have really only just got round what has happened to me. It has taken a lot of heartache, amongst other things. (I was bullied quite badly at school, and I did self harm, etc...) I had councelling when I was back at school, but it made little progress. I hated myself so much I reallly wanted to die. I'm so glad now that I didn't. I thank my husband so much for standing by me and really getting me through this. He has made me see me for the person that I am. A kind, caring, loving and beautiful person. (I never thought that I would say this about myself).
About 9 months ago, I decided to face my past and get councelling again. It took me a while to find what I wanted, which was a Christian councelor. I started this about 5/6 months ago, and I am so glad I did. I am no where near to getting over my past, but I am dealing with it, which is the most important thing. Yes, I do have my down days...who doesn't? But I know that with My husband, and most importantly God by my side, I will conquer my past. I will eventually say that I am no longer surviving, but I have survived.
I hope that my story will help someone here. Whether it would be to take the courage to say no to the person that is abusing you, or even harder to say yes to someone who asks you if you are being abused. Don't let this person win. Please tell someone if you haven't already. It will be so much better in the long run. Trust me.
Well, here is my story. I have written it out in poetry before now as I find it loads easier to get my story across. I will post that later if anyone wants to read it.
Well, where do I start. Both my parents work in a religious setting. I won't name which organisation, as that isn't fair. I had very loving parents, to which I am very grateful for. However, because they worked quite long hours, I hardly ever got to see them, especially my dad. So, if parents are away, guess who steps in to look after the kids - the child minder/baby sitter. The person who looked after me and my brother, called Arthur (he is dead now!) was someone who stayed in this religious organisation. My parents kind of befriended him, and after about a year, he started looking after us.
How did it all start? I remember the first time that things weren't quite right. He made this game up called 'The Indian Kiss'. Basically, I would stand behind him on the sofa whilst he was sat down. He would grab me and bring me over his shoulders so that I would land laying down across his lap, and then he would give me a kiss. This would have happened a couple of times, but each time the kiss got more intense. I was about 7 or 8 at this point. This was done whilst my brother was watching TV. I don't remember my brother taking much notice, but he would have been about 4 or 5 at that point. (Plus, he has a learning difficulty which makes him a little younger than his real age - don't think he would have a clue what was going on in the back ground, which is good really). This is my first memory of my second abuse. (I could go into my first one later on - but the second abuse I endured was the major one!)
From then on, things got a little more intense. Over the 3 or 4 years of living in this place, he did numerous things. At bathtime, he would come into the bathroom and look at me in the bath. He would then 'play' with me whilst I was having a bath.
One time, I was sat on his knee whilst I was playing on the computer. He then put his hand down my pants and started to feel me. My mum came in from work then and walked through the door to where we were. She never saw anything, because our backs were to the door. I jumped up and went straight over to her to give her a hug. I felt so guilty at the time for what was happenening. My mum asked me that night if he was touching me at all. I denied what was happening. Why the heck did I do this? I think back now, and I can't believe that I denied what was going on. I really wish that I hadn't.
This was going on for about 2/3 years in this place. When we moved I was so relieved. I thought that it might all stop. Was I wrong, or what?! We didn't move that far away, probably about 5 miles or so. We had to move because of my parents jobs.
He turned up one day as he was going to baby sit us. Mind you, by this point I was about 10 or 11 years old. So, I have already had about 2/3 years of this already, how much more was I going to get. At this age, I had started to develop and mature aswell. He really loved this. His abuse towards me started to get abit more intense now. He started to feel me. At the moment, this makes me cringe so much just thinking about this. I feel so disgusting, even now!
I didn't know anyone else my age who were experiencing these feelings. All I know, was that it did give me a nice feeling inside, but I hated what he was doing to me. He even said that he loved me. Where the hell did he get that from?! At this point, I had realised that this was not normal, and that what he was doing was wrong. He started to give me money and chocolates. I didn't realise that this was to shut me up though. He showed me sex videos and magazines. He even told me that he was doing this with my mum and that she really enjoyed it. And I believed him - how gullable was I?!
I faced up to him once and told him that I had a boyfriend and that I wanted him to stop what he was doing. He did, for a little bit. He didn't argue with me or anything, but he stopped. I couldn't believe it. Mind you, the freedom didn't last for too long though. Somehow, he started it all again, but it became much more intense. He did things to me that I never imagined would ever happen...unless you were married. he also made me do things to him, which I hated so much.
Well, when did it all end? My mum asked me one night, 'Was he touching me?' I couldn't say anything. I felt so sick inside. I made some excuse that I needed to go into the toilet. I thought that I was really going to be sick. I felt so guilty about what was happenening, like it was all my fault. I came back out of the toilet and she asked me if I was ok and that she didn't mean to upset me, but she only wanted to know the truth.
She said that this would be the last time that she would ever ask me, and that if I said no, she would never ask me again. 'Was he touching me?' I bowed my head down, feeling really sick at this point and I just said yes. She started to cry, then I started to cry. It all came out then. I felt so relieved. She told my dad, and he went absolutely mental. Not at me, but at the situation. I think he felt guilty being the male role model and everything.
The abuse lasted for about 4 years, and this was 14 years ago! I have really only just got round what has happened to me. It has taken a lot of heartache, amongst other things. (I was bullied quite badly at school, and I did self harm, etc...) I had councelling when I was back at school, but it made little progress. I hated myself so much I reallly wanted to die. I'm so glad now that I didn't. I thank my husband so much for standing by me and really getting me through this. He has made me see me for the person that I am. A kind, caring, loving and beautiful person. (I never thought that I would say this about myself).
About 9 months ago, I decided to face my past and get councelling again. It took me a while to find what I wanted, which was a Christian councelor. I started this about 5/6 months ago, and I am so glad I did. I am no where near to getting over my past, but I am dealing with it, which is the most important thing. Yes, I do have my down days...who doesn't? But I know that with My husband, and most importantly God by my side, I will conquer my past. I will eventually say that I am no longer surviving, but I have survived.
I hope that my story will help someone here. Whether it would be to take the courage to say no to the person that is abusing you, or even harder to say yes to someone who asks you if you are being abused. Don't let this person win. Please tell someone if you haven't already. It will be so much better in the long run. Trust me.
