Hello, I'm new to these forums but I want to tell my story. I am 18, and my high school graduation is coming up and I am going to Hofstra University on Long Island, NY for finance this autumn. I want to tell everyone the story of my beliefs throughout my adolesence.
I was baptised and raised Roman Catholic, but I never really payed any attention to the *actual* religion. I simply went to Church, mainly on holidays only, and prayed every now and then. I started going to these classes run by my local Church when I was young, ending in 8th grade. Around 8th grade is when I started questioning the existence and importance of God, and I was shocked when I found out my friend was an atheist (I believe people generally have the right to have their own belief as long as it doesn't hurt others, so no judgement here), which was the kick off to my curiosity.
During 8th grade, I stumbled upon this great game called "Garry's Mod" in which you can do anything and create fun stuff. Being a gamer and seeing how it was $10, I bought it. I then started checking out the developer's blog, in which he was constantly posting about atheism. Now, at the time I slowly started to agree with him, but I did something wrong in the process: I wasn't humble about it. The developer from what I noticed always had that superiority complex about intelligence and bashing on religion in general. I ended up sounding exactly like him for a while, eventually stumbling on a Reddit subreddit called "r/atheism," where almost every poster was extremely snobby about their belief system. Once I realized that acting this way is just plain dumb and, in my opinion, unintelligent and egotistical, I stopped browsing.
One time a troll posted a quote saying "In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of any phony god's blessing, but because I am enlightened by my own intelligence" and tacked it onto a picture of a famous scientist who happens to be an atheist as well. Guess what? The post received thousands of upvotes, and the whole time they did not realize the quote was actually from what someone would call a loser or nerd, wearing a fedora to seem classy or something. I just wanted to tell this part to just show how too much ego can blind you.
Once I became more open-minded again, I labeled myself an agnostic atheist. I don't know whether I did this so I would have that small chance of salvation in me, not sound so stubborn, or whether deep down I still believed in God. Eventually, this agnosticism became agnostic theism, in which I believe in God but cannot prove His existence (this is a stance I believe most Christians knowingly and unknowingly take today, as this world is becoming more secular and it is true that man cannot prove God, but that's where Faith comes in). However, the belief system I undertook at that time was not Christianity, but rather a New Age-esque belief called "pantheism" (in a way similar to the religious beliefs of Albert Einstein, although there are a few differences since mine was a different variety) where you believe God IS the Universe.
Although this belief can still be seen as rational to me, I realized it is not organized enough and therefore, I could not follow it rigidly and it would be a mess in my mind. This part of my story is fairly recent, from my senior year in high school. I started to get curious about the Bible again, finally opening up my eyes and seeing how the Bible, whether you take it literally or have a few liberties with it, is a gracious story of humanity's flaws and sins filled with great stories of epic and virtue, and the teachings of Jesus as a lifestyle to live by to be the best person you can be.
Although raised a Roman Catholic, I always found myself having the ideology more close to Protestant, most closely Lutheran. I am half German, so therefore my grandfather was/is Lutheran, and in my opinion I feel it clicks with me more than other variations of Christianity do, although I do respect Catholicism for introducing me to God and Christ and being successful in providing a foundation in which many people can connect with God and live happily through whatever dark times may come.
Now, I plan to read the Bible and read as many scriptures as I can, over time of course. I joined these forums today to connect with other Christians, whether the form of practice we follow. I have been through many tough times in my life dealing with depression and anxiety, along with a lot of other hardships, and I feel I should have respected God more during those times (I did a little, even though the me back then may have not known).
Thank you for reading my story,
Pianoforte
I was baptised and raised Roman Catholic, but I never really payed any attention to the *actual* religion. I simply went to Church, mainly on holidays only, and prayed every now and then. I started going to these classes run by my local Church when I was young, ending in 8th grade. Around 8th grade is when I started questioning the existence and importance of God, and I was shocked when I found out my friend was an atheist (I believe people generally have the right to have their own belief as long as it doesn't hurt others, so no judgement here), which was the kick off to my curiosity.
During 8th grade, I stumbled upon this great game called "Garry's Mod" in which you can do anything and create fun stuff. Being a gamer and seeing how it was $10, I bought it. I then started checking out the developer's blog, in which he was constantly posting about atheism. Now, at the time I slowly started to agree with him, but I did something wrong in the process: I wasn't humble about it. The developer from what I noticed always had that superiority complex about intelligence and bashing on religion in general. I ended up sounding exactly like him for a while, eventually stumbling on a Reddit subreddit called "r/atheism," where almost every poster was extremely snobby about their belief system. Once I realized that acting this way is just plain dumb and, in my opinion, unintelligent and egotistical, I stopped browsing.
One time a troll posted a quote saying "In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of any phony god's blessing, but because I am enlightened by my own intelligence" and tacked it onto a picture of a famous scientist who happens to be an atheist as well. Guess what? The post received thousands of upvotes, and the whole time they did not realize the quote was actually from what someone would call a loser or nerd, wearing a fedora to seem classy or something. I just wanted to tell this part to just show how too much ego can blind you.
Once I became more open-minded again, I labeled myself an agnostic atheist. I don't know whether I did this so I would have that small chance of salvation in me, not sound so stubborn, or whether deep down I still believed in God. Eventually, this agnosticism became agnostic theism, in which I believe in God but cannot prove His existence (this is a stance I believe most Christians knowingly and unknowingly take today, as this world is becoming more secular and it is true that man cannot prove God, but that's where Faith comes in). However, the belief system I undertook at that time was not Christianity, but rather a New Age-esque belief called "pantheism" (in a way similar to the religious beliefs of Albert Einstein, although there are a few differences since mine was a different variety) where you believe God IS the Universe.
Although this belief can still be seen as rational to me, I realized it is not organized enough and therefore, I could not follow it rigidly and it would be a mess in my mind. This part of my story is fairly recent, from my senior year in high school. I started to get curious about the Bible again, finally opening up my eyes and seeing how the Bible, whether you take it literally or have a few liberties with it, is a gracious story of humanity's flaws and sins filled with great stories of epic and virtue, and the teachings of Jesus as a lifestyle to live by to be the best person you can be.
Although raised a Roman Catholic, I always found myself having the ideology more close to Protestant, most closely Lutheran. I am half German, so therefore my grandfather was/is Lutheran, and in my opinion I feel it clicks with me more than other variations of Christianity do, although I do respect Catholicism for introducing me to God and Christ and being successful in providing a foundation in which many people can connect with God and live happily through whatever dark times may come.
Now, I plan to read the Bible and read as many scriptures as I can, over time of course. I joined these forums today to connect with other Christians, whether the form of practice we follow. I have been through many tough times in my life dealing with depression and anxiety, along with a lot of other hardships, and I feel I should have respected God more during those times (I did a little, even though the me back then may have not known).
Thank you for reading my story,
Pianoforte
