MY SON!!!!

[~PICKLE~]

Okay, I had my baby girl the 21st of Feb, so she's 3 weeks old. My son's behavior has done a complete 380. He is so mean and mouthy. He loves his sister, loves his daddy, hates momma. When before she was born, we had a very loving relationship. Now, when i ask me to do anything, like pick up his toys, he gives me this dirty look and says leave me alone. The other day at the doctor's office, I was getting Taegan out of the car and my son wanted to take off across the parking lot. I couldn't just drop her car seat and run after him. Luckily, my mom met us there and caught him before he ran into a moving car. I'm at my wits end. My newborn has been sick, and my husband works odd and long hours. So It's pretty much been me, her and him. It's hard to get a handle on him and I feel like I'm losing my mind. Please any advice that might help.

 

[Tangnefedd]

Jealously of his new sister is at the root of his problems. All your attention has been on her as she has been poorly, and he is feeling left out, poor little boy. You will have to show him that he has not been replaced in your affections by the baby, make a special fuss of him, even buy him a little gift from the baby. It may take time, but I am sure he will come round.

 

[karla]

You have my prayers. I was just reading something the other day and it said something like, tend to the older child's needs first because a baby won't remmeber waiting. Kind of makes sense. I would suggest making some just mommy and me time with your son. Take him to a movie or out to lunch or even to the store with you just as long as it is the two of you alone. Call it a date. We try to have regular "dates" with our daughter, sometimes it is just going to the grocery store with me and she gets to pick out a donut or whatever and it is just for her. We will sit int he van and eat them together. It's funny but sometimes she will ask me when our mext date is. As far as his behavior, you may just need to ignore it, he's proabbaly doing it for attention. I know the mouthiness grates on nerves, but if you give him the attention when he does it then he may be learning that that is the way to get mom to ignore my sister and pay attention to me. It will get easier - I promise

 

[CeCe]

I'm thinking along the same lines as Tangnefedd. He probably does feel like he's been replaced. With all the needs a newborn has it's very easy to do. You may need to show him that he is still special to you. Maybe also include him in some way in the things that need to be done for the baby too. Part of what he may be feeling is that he has not only been replaced, but he is left out too. This is very normal and it will pass.

 

[Evening Mist]

It is hard, but normal, and it will pass. "Dates" are a great idea -- not just for him but for you also. When my 2nd child was a baby, I found myself pushing the older child away somewhat. Spending time alone with him helped me to remember how much I adored him, and helped me to reconnect with him.

As far as his negative behaviors, I would try to help him by voicing what he may be feeling. "I can tell that having a new baby makes you feel worried and left out." To some extent, feeling understood by you will make it less necessary (in his mind) to act out.

This transition for him is *very* hard. He's so little, and his whole world is being rocked.

 

[IslandBreeze]

Is your son in daycare? That could be a big cause of his issues.

 

[~PICKLE~]

No my son is not in daycare, I'm a stay at home mom, but we do live in the getto persay. ANd the little kids he plays with are headin for the pen if they don't stop being hoodlums. And really I can't stop him from playing with them, cause this is where I live at the moment and I can't keep in inside 24-7. Wish I could, but I can't. He has steadily gotten worse this week. He helps me with the baby, and we have even started our nightly walks. And we talk. But he still hates me, if he asks to go to the apt complex park and I say no, he throws a fit and starts throwing and kicking things. He has even hit me in the stomach then ran. He has even raised his hand at me as if to hit me. The other day, he hit another little boy so I made him come in for a time out and he acted as if he was gonna hit his baby sister. I talk to him, I include him, I span him, nothing is working and it has me worried, I don't want to end up on the Maury show with my 5 year old beats me up. His daddy is at work most of the time and when he gets home, I tell daddy and he gets in trouble then to. His Meemaw has even noticed the major change in him. He makes me want to regret having a 2nd child, and i don't want to do that. HE and she are very important to me and I love them both dearly. Sorry to go on and on, I just feel so alone right now, and desperate to have my sweet 4 year old back in my arms with hugs and kisses.

 

[Evening Mist]

Just because he is going through a rough patch now does not mean that he is going to grow up to be one of those kids on Maury Povich. You have too much on your plate to worry that much about the future right now. Instead, focus on right now and put the future in God's hands, okay?

He is going through a hard time, and he has some issues to work through. It may take some time, but he'll work through them. Don't regret the baby... a sibling is a gift for your oldest child. It just might take him some time to realize that!

Work hard on giving him "words" to express his feelings with. When he hits, or tries to hit, catch his hand before he has a chance to follow through. Tell him, "Its not okay to hit -- but you can tell me that you feel angry or frustrated." Let him express negative feelings with words, even strong words. Don't talk him out of being angry. Let him be mad, and just try to be understanding. He can get through this with your support!

 

[Crofter]

Ah! It is lovely to read about this problem with your son! Because this is so normal!

It is very difficult for him with his emotions of love all in a pickle... he just wants to be loves and to be your number one little boy! But now he must share you! Make time for him... his own special time doing the things you both love doing together one to one.....where even if baby cries you ignore and see to your son... but best if this is a time baby is sleeping! You can never tell him enough times that you love him and he is your number 1 little boy! ( when you have a little boy and a little girl you can do this with no confusion! )



When my second child was born my daughter was two and she had been my bany! When I brought mt son home she suddenly lookes so big and grown up! I think looking back she was just a baby and although I did my best for her I also understand how difficukt it was for her and at the time it was so difficult though and I never could leave them in a room alone together! lol!

But now they are 11 and 13 and get on better than most siblings! So one day you will get there!

Having young children is so wondersful! But it is a shame it is so full of these difficulties and this stress and burns so much energy! I sure feel for you right now! God bless.