My sister is my enemy! I NEED HELP!

[ChloeJM]

My sister is a Christian, like me, two years younger as well. But we are very opposite... We have to share a room which is hard for me because I don't really get any personal space. I accept it though, because I know that I could be in a much worse situation. She's... very secular. Loves makeup, popular music, YouTube, socializing, partying etc. I'm not saying that's wrong at all! But it has influenced her a lot nonetheless. I however am a lot more intellectual and enjoy different things like anime, blogging, reading, worshiping God etc. I do pretty stupid things too in my life though.

We had an argument today. I was focusing on my work and she starts playing a YouTube video out loud. I simply ask her to put in her earphones, and she refuses, telling me that I could go downstairs (when she knows that the TV is also going to distract me). She still refused, after I asked politely many times. Basically, we end up shouting at each other and she starts accusing me of never considering her and what she wants (sometimes I don't consider what she wants tbh, but most of the time I do). 10 minutes goes by and my parents are telling her off, saying that she's being selfish, but she's still not listening. She told my parents to their face that she doesn't respect them in the slightest, and asks them why they ever thought that they could be good parents.

I do get it, when I was younger I HATED listening to my parents and siblings. But what I hate about her attitude is how much of a hypocrite she is. Now, I shouldn't be one to pick the dust out of her eye, because I too have many flaws, but I feel like this needs to be addressed because it's impacting my family stability a lot. Let's just say, my family isn't close...

So, as a passionate Christian, I want to be able to be a good example and help my sister. I do stress though that I can't do this directly, only indirectly. It's because my family are just not emotionally connected, it would be weird to talk to each other normally (sad, I know). HOW DO I HELP HER SEE THAT WHAT SHE'S DOING IS WRONG? At her age, she's going through a lot, but acting the way she is is still not acceptable and absolutely disgraceful. How do I stay strong and stop my sister from becoming my enemy forever?

 

[keith99]

How is your sister a hypocrite?

Seriously, your post shows how she is selfish and self centered. Your post also shows that you are not blind to your own faults. But I saw no clue to this charge.

It could simply be an omission on your part, or it could be a reflection of the sloppiness of today, where since your sister is your enemy you attribute all bad things to her. (And if you are doing this you are far from unique).

The huge issue is one false attribution on your part will be the one thing your sister remembers.

You say you are more intellectually inclined. Might I then suggest The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis. In particular there is one chapter dealing with the communication between Wormwood's client and his mother. How the thing to do, from Satan's viewpoint, is to get each person to judge everything the other says in the most picky manner, while expecting their own words and actions to be judged in the most charitable light.

I might have more to say later, for now just one other thing. Try posting in the teens area. There are some teens there who are very sharp and caring. There is an excellent chance that if you give them enough information they will see things almost all adults would not.

EDIT: Doh. Forgot one question. Is your sister the youngest? Sometimes the youngest, correctly or not, starts to feel that no one listens to them or respects their opinion. In the more extreme cases you would actually score points while totally destroying her position as long as you do it in a way that makes it very clear you actually listened and thought about what she said. But that path is risky. Safer and easier to try to verbalize it when you do agree with her. (The last irrespective of her being the youngest or not).

 

[ChloeJM]

Thank you for your reply!

She's a hypocrite because she demands for respect and for people to listen to her, but never gives my parents respect or listen to them. Additionally, she accuses me of being selfish at the same time as refusing to put in earphones because she 'doesn't want to'. But I do agree to some extent with you about the reflection of a sloppy day or possibly my omission... I mean, its probably difficult for me to judge the situation or her opinions without being subjective.

I'm afraid I'm lost at what you mean by 'The huge issue is one false attribution on your part will be the one thing your sister remembers.' You mean the attribution of being my enemy or being a hypocrite? I'll be sure to post in the teens area in the future, thanks!

Oh just to quickly clarify, when I call my sister my enemy, I don't mean it in a literal sense, more like we have moments of intense hostility which makes me feel like she thinks I'm her enemy (I know she dislikes me... She wants me to move out as soon as possible so that's nice).

I'll be sure to check out that C.S. Lewis book, it sounds very interesting! Especially the perspective of judgement.

Yeah, she's two years younger. I'm sure that she does feel some form of isolation when it comes to her expression. I just find it so hard to respect her opinion most of the time though because what she mostly comes out with is inconsiderate and nasty comments about my flaws, or just statements that she deems as the most accurate. I'll be sure to make it come across that I am listening and understanding her, but I never know how to do so when all she's trying to do is tear me down and call me selfish. T.T

 

[keith99]

I was thinking attributing any fault or even specific act that turns out to not be quite right. That will be what is remembered. And I don't mean just by her, I also mean by you and all the rest of us.

We all remember that one time we were ill used and forget the 100 times we were treated fairly or even charitably.

Thinking some more about hypocrisy. I think it might be best to avoid that word when talking to your sister. I'm not saying don't point out instances or the fact, just avoid the word.

Contrast telling her in a calm voice that it seems to you that she has no right to expect others to listen to her when she does not listen to them to just calling her a hypocrite.

I'm perhaps not a very good source of advice in one sense. I had a good family life. I really do not understand some of the nasty dynamics that others seem to have experienced.

Keith

 

[ChloeJM]

I agree, I think I should possibly avoid attributing negative words on her. I do wish that I had a good family life. Even though all of my family members are Christian, we were never raised in any certain way to love like Jesus or even simple things like to care about each other and behave sensibly. I wish I was, because then I would probably be more sensitive. A lot of people at school think that I'm insensitive (not as a judgmental name, but due to the way I respond sometimes) because I often distance myself from certain emotions... Maybe that's why my family has a weak relationship.

 

[Carmenere]

Hello

How are you and your sister?

 

[ChloeJM]

Hello

How are you and your sister?

We're okay thanks... a lot better since anyway! Sometimes we argue about trivial things but it's so much easier to keep my temper. She still acts really annoying though, but I'm sure she'll grow out of it (hopefully)

 

[Carmenere]

We're okay thanks... a lot better since anyway! Sometimes we argue about trivial things but it's so much easier to keep my temper. She still acts really annoying though, but I'm sure she'll grow out of it (hopefully)

I'm glad you are a lot better with your sister. Reading your post made me think of my sister. I would nickname my sister Yogi Bear. LOL

 

[1WayJesus]

Your sister is not your real enemy.

Ephesians 6:12New King James Version (NKJV)

12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,[a] against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

 

[1WayJesus]

James 1

2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations,
3 knowing this: that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, lacking nothing.
5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, who giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth not, and it shall be given him.