I have ocd.My ocd worries is making promises to God maybe and maybe asking for punishment without my will in case of breaking them. all these are thoughts without my will.
This year, I had many different compulsions just because of the ocd I mention above. The ocd was telling me to do some tiring ocd compulsions just because I had some thoughts without my will in my head and ocd was telling me stuff like
Ocd: You may have made a promise to God not to do this or to do this.
There were this year, many stuff like : not brushing my teeth, brushing my teeth, not entering a specific houses for rent site, avoiding certain streets which are normal like others, avoiding specific pharmacies, avoiding eating certain food, forced to play video games in a specific way etc.
I was anxious even thought , I knew they were just ocd and thoughts without my will and I never made a promise to God. I knew I was free to do what I want but ocd kept giving me worries. as I was getting more anxious and frustrated from the compulsions, I ended up having thoughts without my will that were telling me to change the fake promise of the ocd, of a must-do a compulsion to must not do the compulsion.
I mean, if ocd was telling me not to click a normal video in youtube, automatically, some thoughts without my will were coming to my head that were like "you must make a new fake promise that you must click the video. that will force you to do what you want which is to see this video and if ocd is giving you worries, you will use the new fake promise to God, to your ocd, as an excuse that you don't have other choice but to see the video. it is what you want to do."
That thoughts without my will, somehow ended up relieving me from not doing the ocd compulsion and I was able to do what I want with no worries. but this method, which was without my will, ended up trying to trap me later. ocd was accusing me that since these thoughts without my will, relieved me, maybe the became valid. for example.
ocd: you want to see this video in youtube? do not! you may have made a promise to God not to see it. me: I never made a promise. I am free to see it. ocd: watch it and be worried. ,e: I do not want to be worried. I am not watching it. but I want to watch it! ocd: I have a suggestion! you should make a new fake promise to God, that you are going to see the video you want. then, you will use this excuse to your ocd worries and the ocd worries will go away. me: no- ocd: too late. your head already made those thoughts without your will due to frustration. me: oh no! I know these are thoughts without my will but I want to see the video and since the compulsion agrees with the new thoughts without my will, then why worry? yes! I am free to see the video now because of the new ocd compulsion!
I suppose you get what I mean. this example, started happening for many days. thanks to it, even though it was without my will, I was getting relieved and was able to do what I want in my life. in some cases, I ended up unable to do what the new thoughts without my will were telling me to do. for example:
ocd: do not buy from that 24 market. you may have made a promise without your will to God. I wanted to buy from the "OK market". no do not buy! you may have made a promise to God not to buy and maybe you do not remember it! better buy from the gazembo shop.
the gazebo shop did not had the products I wanted to buy. and I was so frustrated and tired from doing compulsion of ocd. I wanted to buy from the "ok market" and not from the gazebo shop. but ocd was forcing me to buy from the gazebo shop, by telling me that "you may have made a promise to God, that you cant remember" just an hypothesis!
I was tired and frustrated! and some words and thoughts without my will happened in my head, in 1 second. due to ocd, I do nto want to write exactly in what form they popped in my head but they were thoughts without my will like
"promise not to buy from the gazebo shop and maybe a punishment will happen" this were thoughts without my will. I froze my thoughts. and quick prayed and said "these are thoughts without my will" and ocd started giving me worries like
ocd: oh come on! you know buying from the market or from the gazebo shop are all thoughts without your will. you just do an cod compulsion. why don't you buy from the market? because of the thoughts without your will? this is stupid. just now some new thoughts without your will happened and are more worrying than the hypothetical others about the market. isn't the best thing for you, since you always do what is less worrying for your ocd, to buy now from that market? gazebo shop now is more worrying from the new thoughts that happened without your will.
me: I better go to the market then! yeaah! I am so happy and relieved now!
some seconds later,
ocd: good! and now guess what! you must never buy from that gazebo shop! me: why? ocd: you made choice! you went to the market and you were happy and relieved and it was maybe like giving thanks to the thoughts that happened without your will that they forced you to go to the place you wanted. maybe that made those thoughts without your will valid!
see? ocd tries to make me happy and then to trap me. this happened, many times. I ended up praying. praying a lot. praying for many minutes. I was telling God that these are thoughts without my will and ocd traps me. even if I feel relieved I do not make them. I do not accept them. I do not want to make promises. I asked for a protection. no matter, what thoughts happen in my head -with or without my will- to absolve me from promises, to protect me from promises. no matter how much I worry, to feel calm and always destroy the worries by reminded myself, that I have a protection and there are no promises. I told God that ocd will always try make me feel happy and relieved sometimes because it will be forcing me to do what I want.i have prayed about that many times.
Days ago, I was in a cafeteria with a friend. Our bill was 7 euros. I payed with my card and my friend gave me his share in cash which was 3.50 euros. He gave me 4 euros. he needed 0.50 change but I did not have. he did not mind. he never asked them. my ocd started giving me worries like
ocd: give him 0.50 change. if you do not have, then give him the 2 euros he gave you. it is better having less money, than owing him. why? because in the past, you may have made a promise to God not to own money.
me: I did not make a promise.
ocd: maybe! but are you able to deal with the worries?
me: oh no! I was happy and now thanks to this, my day will be ruined?
ocd: you know. there is a way out of this. you know what I am talking about. you did it in the past without your will, many times. you asked protection from God about it. He knows that you are not making promises but some thoughts happen without your will in your head happen. use them as an excuse to get out of this worrying situation. God knows it is just a way to make your ocd to stop giving you worries. do it!
me: it sounds so relaxing your suggestion. but I do not want to do it because it will give me more worries . I know your traps! oh no! the thoughts without my will will happen now
the last dialogue, is dialogue that I imagined happening in my head very very subconsiciously . it did not have that words cause I cant remember the exact words. it was mostly feelings. and everything happened in 1-2 seconds. so fast and randomly. and the dialogue continues like these.
ocd: do it and feel relieved me: oh no. I am being tempted as usual
thoughts without my will in my head: new promise to God about not giving that friend 2 or 0,50 euros (not doing the ocd compulsion).
I do not remember exactly what my thoughts without my will were. it happened in 1 second. maybe they were not having the word" God". maybe it could be like these
thoughts without my will " the new promise is not to do the ocd compulsion which is giving money to that friend"
I do not remember. I do not know if the thoughts without my will were to God or to myself. everything happened so fast. I was so carefree that moment,. and some seconds later I was like
me: what happened? wait what? maybe I made an accidental promise to God? maybe I must not do the compulsion? what was the compulsion? not give 2 euro or 0.50 to my friend? what if this counts, for whatever reason? what if it counts for whatever money? my friend and I go out a lot and we share the bill. what if there will be a situation that my friend will ask for money? I am so worried about the future.
my day was ruined, and I prayed to God to tell Him that once again ocd tried to trap me. I told Him again that I had asked for protection and to protect me from promises. the real me is that I do not want to make promises. I have ocd. ocd makes suggestions and I can not control my urges and thoughts.
I have fought many cases like these before, but this is the most worrying the last days. why?
1) I was carefree that day. what if to save myself from worries, I allowed the th oughts without my will to happen? what if then maybe I pretended it was ocd but it was just pretending?
2) what if they were maybe thoughts with my will and I do not remember? maybe for a second, a mistake happened because I was so carefree and in order to avoid worries, what if for a second the thoughts were real?
3) the thoughts were without my will. and I cant be 100% sure but what if they became valid just because some other thoughts happened in my head like " oh. now I must not give my friend 2 euros. yaaay I am so happy cause I must not do the compulsion thanks to the thoughts without my will.
everything happened in 1-2 or second I think. like
me: I do not want to give 2 euros. but if I keep them I will be worried. the ocd compulsion says to I give 2 euros. ocd: make a new promise and allow thoughts without your will to happen in your head. me: oh! ocd now will make some thoughts without my will in my head to relieve me but will try to trap me later and.... oh now I must not give my friend 2 euros. yay! I am happy. wait what! did I maybe just made a promise? no I do not accept it! I have protection!
what do you think guys? please can you give me detailed answers? can you answer me the questions?
This year, I had many different compulsions just because of the ocd I mention above. The ocd was telling me to do some tiring ocd compulsions just because I had some thoughts without my will in my head and ocd was telling me stuff like
Ocd: You may have made a promise to God not to do this or to do this.
There were this year, many stuff like : not brushing my teeth, brushing my teeth, not entering a specific houses for rent site, avoiding certain streets which are normal like others, avoiding specific pharmacies, avoiding eating certain food, forced to play video games in a specific way etc.
I was anxious even thought , I knew they were just ocd and thoughts without my will and I never made a promise to God. I knew I was free to do what I want but ocd kept giving me worries. as I was getting more anxious and frustrated from the compulsions, I ended up having thoughts without my will that were telling me to change the fake promise of the ocd, of a must-do a compulsion to must not do the compulsion.
I mean, if ocd was telling me not to click a normal video in youtube, automatically, some thoughts without my will were coming to my head that were like "you must make a new fake promise that you must click the video. that will force you to do what you want which is to see this video and if ocd is giving you worries, you will use the new fake promise to God, to your ocd, as an excuse that you don't have other choice but to see the video. it is what you want to do."
That thoughts without my will, somehow ended up relieving me from not doing the ocd compulsion and I was able to do what I want with no worries. but this method, which was without my will, ended up trying to trap me later. ocd was accusing me that since these thoughts without my will, relieved me, maybe the became valid. for example.
ocd: you want to see this video in youtube? do not! you may have made a promise to God not to see it. me: I never made a promise. I am free to see it. ocd: watch it and be worried. ,e: I do not want to be worried. I am not watching it. but I want to watch it! ocd: I have a suggestion! you should make a new fake promise to God, that you are going to see the video you want. then, you will use this excuse to your ocd worries and the ocd worries will go away. me: no- ocd: too late. your head already made those thoughts without your will due to frustration. me: oh no! I know these are thoughts without my will but I want to see the video and since the compulsion agrees with the new thoughts without my will, then why worry? yes! I am free to see the video now because of the new ocd compulsion!
I suppose you get what I mean. this example, started happening for many days. thanks to it, even though it was without my will, I was getting relieved and was able to do what I want in my life. in some cases, I ended up unable to do what the new thoughts without my will were telling me to do. for example:
ocd: do not buy from that 24 market. you may have made a promise without your will to God. I wanted to buy from the "OK market". no do not buy! you may have made a promise to God not to buy and maybe you do not remember it! better buy from the gazembo shop.
the gazebo shop did not had the products I wanted to buy. and I was so frustrated and tired from doing compulsion of ocd. I wanted to buy from the "ok market" and not from the gazebo shop. but ocd was forcing me to buy from the gazebo shop, by telling me that "you may have made a promise to God, that you cant remember" just an hypothesis!
I was tired and frustrated! and some words and thoughts without my will happened in my head, in 1 second. due to ocd, I do nto want to write exactly in what form they popped in my head but they were thoughts without my will like
"promise not to buy from the gazebo shop and maybe a punishment will happen" this were thoughts without my will. I froze my thoughts. and quick prayed and said "these are thoughts without my will" and ocd started giving me worries like
ocd: oh come on! you know buying from the market or from the gazebo shop are all thoughts without your will. you just do an cod compulsion. why don't you buy from the market? because of the thoughts without your will? this is stupid. just now some new thoughts without your will happened and are more worrying than the hypothetical others about the market. isn't the best thing for you, since you always do what is less worrying for your ocd, to buy now from that market? gazebo shop now is more worrying from the new thoughts that happened without your will.
me: I better go to the market then! yeaah! I am so happy and relieved now!
some seconds later,
ocd: good! and now guess what! you must never buy from that gazebo shop! me: why? ocd: you made choice! you went to the market and you were happy and relieved and it was maybe like giving thanks to the thoughts that happened without your will that they forced you to go to the place you wanted. maybe that made those thoughts without your will valid!
see? ocd tries to make me happy and then to trap me. this happened, many times. I ended up praying. praying a lot. praying for many minutes. I was telling God that these are thoughts without my will and ocd traps me. even if I feel relieved I do not make them. I do not accept them. I do not want to make promises. I asked for a protection. no matter, what thoughts happen in my head -with or without my will- to absolve me from promises, to protect me from promises. no matter how much I worry, to feel calm and always destroy the worries by reminded myself, that I have a protection and there are no promises. I told God that ocd will always try make me feel happy and relieved sometimes because it will be forcing me to do what I want.i have prayed about that many times.
Days ago, I was in a cafeteria with a friend. Our bill was 7 euros. I payed with my card and my friend gave me his share in cash which was 3.50 euros. He gave me 4 euros. he needed 0.50 change but I did not have. he did not mind. he never asked them. my ocd started giving me worries like
ocd: give him 0.50 change. if you do not have, then give him the 2 euros he gave you. it is better having less money, than owing him. why? because in the past, you may have made a promise to God not to own money.
me: I did not make a promise.
ocd: maybe! but are you able to deal with the worries?
me: oh no! I was happy and now thanks to this, my day will be ruined?
ocd: you know. there is a way out of this. you know what I am talking about. you did it in the past without your will, many times. you asked protection from God about it. He knows that you are not making promises but some thoughts happen without your will in your head happen. use them as an excuse to get out of this worrying situation. God knows it is just a way to make your ocd to stop giving you worries. do it!
me: it sounds so relaxing your suggestion. but I do not want to do it because it will give me more worries . I know your traps! oh no! the thoughts without my will will happen now
the last dialogue, is dialogue that I imagined happening in my head very very subconsiciously . it did not have that words cause I cant remember the exact words. it was mostly feelings. and everything happened in 1-2 seconds. so fast and randomly. and the dialogue continues like these.
ocd: do it and feel relieved me: oh no. I am being tempted as usual
thoughts without my will in my head: new promise to God about not giving that friend 2 or 0,50 euros (not doing the ocd compulsion).
I do not remember exactly what my thoughts without my will were. it happened in 1 second. maybe they were not having the word" God". maybe it could be like these
thoughts without my will " the new promise is not to do the ocd compulsion which is giving money to that friend"
I do not remember. I do not know if the thoughts without my will were to God or to myself. everything happened so fast. I was so carefree that moment,. and some seconds later I was like
me: what happened? wait what? maybe I made an accidental promise to God? maybe I must not do the compulsion? what was the compulsion? not give 2 euro or 0.50 to my friend? what if this counts, for whatever reason? what if it counts for whatever money? my friend and I go out a lot and we share the bill. what if there will be a situation that my friend will ask for money? I am so worried about the future.
my day was ruined, and I prayed to God to tell Him that once again ocd tried to trap me. I told Him again that I had asked for protection and to protect me from promises. the real me is that I do not want to make promises. I have ocd. ocd makes suggestions and I can not control my urges and thoughts.
I have fought many cases like these before, but this is the most worrying the last days. why?
1) I was carefree that day. what if to save myself from worries, I allowed the th oughts without my will to happen? what if then maybe I pretended it was ocd but it was just pretending?
2) what if they were maybe thoughts with my will and I do not remember? maybe for a second, a mistake happened because I was so carefree and in order to avoid worries, what if for a second the thoughts were real?
3) the thoughts were without my will. and I cant be 100% sure but what if they became valid just because some other thoughts happened in my head like " oh. now I must not give my friend 2 euros. yaaay I am so happy cause I must not do the compulsion thanks to the thoughts without my will.
everything happened in 1-2 or second I think. like
me: I do not want to give 2 euros. but if I keep them I will be worried. the ocd compulsion says to I give 2 euros. ocd: make a new promise and allow thoughts without your will to happen in your head. me: oh! ocd now will make some thoughts without my will in my head to relieve me but will try to trap me later and.... oh now I must not give my friend 2 euros. yay! I am happy. wait what! did I maybe just made a promise? no I do not accept it! I have protection!
what do you think guys? please can you give me detailed answers? can you answer me the questions?
