My poem....Lost....

[wakeboardwithheart]

This is a poem i never really got around to letting people read:

"Lost"

I feel like Im falling

Falling into a bottomless pit of confusion

Anger, hatred, betrayal, and fear all swirling around in my head

I grab my bag and run out of class

The teacher calls after me

I dont even to turn around

I run to the bathroom and close the door behind me

I lean against the wall

Rummaging through my bag, I find the sock

I pull it out and open it

I remove the tissue surrounding the knife and let it drop

The knife shining in the light above me

I hold out my wrist and move the blade close

The memories of what they did to me over and over

The threats if I told

Its more that I can take anymore

I move the blade closer

Tears falling down my face

The thoughts of not being able to trust anyone

Never letting anyone close to me again

Fearing the people who are around me most

It all comes back to me so fast

I move the blade closer

My heart pounding like a hammer hitting my chest

The pain of my friends betraying me

Turning their backs on me

Still lost in a world of anger, hatred, betrayal, and fear

Its more than I could handle

I move the blade against my wrist

The metal's cold against my skin

Tears still falling, heart still pounding

Thinking of how I couldnt trust anyone

Not even my church friends

Not even the one person who would never hurt me

Not even the strongest pastors and Christians

I drop to my knees

The knife still at my wrist

Final thoughts running through my head

I drop the knife

I sit next to it, crying

My whole life all Ive felt is anger, hatred, betrayal, and fear

Ive never gotten close enough to anyone to consider them a true friend

~Very dramatic i know but thats just the way things happened. so i told it like i occured.

 

[LunaLee]

I noticed you didn't have any replies (like me ) so I thought I'd reply to yours instead of the lucky ones with lots of replies lol

I thought it was nice and descriptive, but a little like a story instead of a poem. A good non-rhyming poem isn't just a bunch of words thrown into poem form. So work on that a little.
Also, the ending was a little bland. Try to spice it up with a powerful yet short stop, be creative. The ending is very important. It either leaves the reader saying "wow" or leaves a very boring impresion, you know?
Anyway, it was good, but it still needs work

 

[Hidden_Love]

I noticed you didn't have any replies (like me ) so I thought I'd reply to yours instead of the lucky ones with lots of replies lol

I thought it was nice and descriptive, but a little like a story instead of a poem. A good non-rhyming poem isn't just a bunch of words thrown into poem form. So work on that a little.
Also, the ending was a little bland. Try to spice it up with a powerful yet short stop, be creative. The ending is very important. It either leaves the reader saying "wow" or leaves a very boring impresion, you know?
Anyway, it was good, but it still needs work

I disagree with ya there lunalee.

It sounds like a story cuz usually thats called a narrative poem, and thats okay. In fact, one of my favorite narrative poems "The Ryme of The Ancient Mariner" in on the Classics list.

I thought it was really good, and it made my heart ache for you. A lot of my friends are suicidal, and I touch them with my poetry. i pray that you will be able to help someone through their problems because of what you have learned.

I don't think the ending was bad, but the last line didn't really match the rest of the poem.

You were faced with a problem that had two different solutions. Only one was the true answer, and I'm glad you realized that suicide isn't worth it.

I loved it!

 

[wakeboardwithheart]

the last line of the peom or the last line of the post? the line with the ~ symbol next to it isnt in the poem. thats just a comment i made.

 

[Love&Pain]

Good job on writing your poem and I love it!!! I think that if someone else reads this poem who faces the same problem as you did, they might consider to get help and you can be there to share your expriences with people. I thought it was very descriptive and you put feeling into it. Remember Jesus loves and so do I . I'll keep you in my prayers and continue to write because God has gifted you because not everyone can write like you.

 

[imaginarylight]

its beautiful it expresses alot of what other people are feeling.. my friend does the sliting the wrists thing and i cant do much but talk her through all her problems and keep reminding her that i love her... i love you too and ill be praying for you !

 

[Quixotic the Pedestrian]

I liked the poem, and I'm glad you've found a way to express yourself. It's not uncommon to have difficulty letting people in. I am very much the same way.. I have many friends in which they depend much more heavily on my friendship than I do theirs. I seem to keep a lot of people at arms length, and though I try to get attached to people it's usually done in vain.

But thats not to say that I live such a bad or lonely life. Because I know there are many people who love me, and if you are honest with yourself I would make the assumption that there are many people who love you as well. It may be difficult to accept their love, or their endearing compliments (because you may not believe them) they are still there none-the-less. I'm speaking to you from my personal expirience and though I acknowlege we are different people who really don't know each other I hope maybe you can relate to my words as I was able to relate to yours.

People go through hard times and this was just one of those times for you and I thank you for allowing us to take part in that part of your life. Please feel free to expand on the surrounding events, frequency, or how you feel now because I myself am left curious.

 

[wakeboardwithheart]

dont have that many people that love me. actually...i have like one maybe 2 that actually want to see me alive. but which should i call it a story or a narritive poem?

 

[wakeboardwithheart]

i forgot to say thanks for giving me reviews and posting here

 

[delicate_flower]

... I know what you feel... I've been in many situations that are painfully similar to yours. I know you probably hear this a lot but you're not alone.

There was a time when I was feeling like this. But somehow, in someway, I was out of it for a good while. However, I'm starting to feel like that again. The words that you have written are what I am feeling now. I pray to God that everything will get better for you... I hope that you will no longer have to suffer. There is a little light up ahead of you; it may be dim and may not seem to be there, but it is there. Among all the darkness you feel, it is there. Take the effort to find it. I'll do so myself. Please take care.

 

[wakeboardwithheart]

i used to cut(at times i still do but i try not to). but at that time, my anger and depression got so bad that i wanted to die. so the cutting increased into thoughts of suicide. then i almost did it but i chickened out. i didnt want to give people i know that satisfaction of my death.

 

[delicate_flower]

Hehe, the thoughts of suicide came before my cutting... But after I experimented with a little blade, I decided that I liked the feel of the cut. And soon I developed a sort of "love" for the blood. I never told anyone of this but after some writing (not to mention some concerned eyes), I realized that the cutting was not my friend. But in some ways, I miss it.

Yeah, I wish I had that state of mind again... I do miss cutting... And those thoughts of suicide are creeping up on me again... It makes me wonder, I'm starting to feel like that one poem I wrote before... that was called Delicate Flower... Now I'm rambling... I've got to get away... sorry...

 

[wakeboardwithheart]

Hehe, the thoughts of suicide came before my cutting... But after I experimented with a little blade, I decided that I liked the feel of the cut. And soon I developed a sort of "love" for the blood. I never told anyone of this but after some writing (not to mention some concerned eyes), I realized that the cutting was not my friend. But in some ways, I miss it.

Yeah, I wish I had that state of mind again... I do miss cutting... And those thoughts of suicide are creeping up on me again... It makes me wonder, I'm starting to feel like that one poem I wrote before... that was called Delicate Flower... Now I'm rambling... I've got to get away... sorry...

if im stuck on this planet then at least stick it out with me. if i dont kill myself then you try not to also...kk?

 

[delicate_flower]

if im stuck on this planet then at least stick it out with me. if i dont kill myself then you try not to also...kk?

... don't worry so much about me... I am only stress that you don't need...

In all honesty, I really have a lot to live for. There are many things around each person for them to live for, sometimes they just don't know it. I let myself out of reality and I let myself enter the imagination of a morbid life. But after some time, I realized my reasons for life, and this marked a new beginning. However that new beginning is turning to rust again... I'm trying to hang on and brace myself for the change, but it's starting to become too hard. Some say I'm weak but there is only so much that a person can endure. Everyone has their limits. For those of us who seem to be much more fragile than others, we just need help from the outside. I realized that if I let at least one person in, I could try to find support so I could finally use my own feet to stand as an individual.

The strength to move forward and look toward the future is in your hands, but you need to find the will to find the strength. And to find the will it helps a lot to take the hand of another. There are many people out there who are willing to help and share a good word or two with you. I couldn't find anyone near me in my home, but after I met a few people on CF, I eventually made a very good friend, and he is one of the very few people who have helped guide me to the little light in the dark. His words helped me realize what I needed to, and he suggested some reading of the book of Job. I read some of Job and well, I can say that it is helping me... It's helping me think about my actions and why I am thinking the way I am. I know how I am feeling is not normal. It is very harmful and extremely dangerous. On the outside it seems like I don't care about life anymore, sometimes I do let that thought consume me (and it shows through my writings and what I say)... but deep on the inside, that little light is calling me to stop, think, and finally realize.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you let someone help you, I mean really help you with what you are going through, then you will find your will. And then you'll begin to realize that there is much more to life than to sit around and feel depressed and sorry for yourself. Kind of get what I'm saying? Lol, sometimes I don't make sense. Well, as you already know, it's a tough cycle. The cutting, the feelings, the tears, everything goes round and round and there seems to never be an end. But from what I've learned so far in my life, there is an end. The little light is there, you just need to open up and find your will to embrace it. I'm sorry if I may be lecturing you, but I just feel like I needed to say a few words. To a fellow sufferer of cutting, the urge to cut will always be there. You will never be rid of it completely, I realize that. But once you search your mind, heart, and soul, you'll find that you won't need to cut. You'll find that you won't need to die so early. Everyone will have their time, I see it as a huge shame that there are so many that must end it so early in their lifetimes...

You are not worthless. I am not worthless. We each have something about us that makes us different and unique. You may search through time and you will never find another person who is just like you. I know that sounds cheesy but it's true, you just know it is. Embrace the soul that you have, for it is the only thing in this life that you will ever know is your own. Don't let others take it away from you, be your own person and don't let the other people get you down. Help is only a step away... I'm here, and I know a few other people that are more than willing to care for you. Don't worry about me though, lol, I have my days and today is not one of them. Take care of yourself and I will take care of me.

 

[wakeboardwithheart]

the only reason i exist is because my father decided to rape my mother. now im his new toy. thats what i have to live for. that is my life. and im not dead. so i know there is a light..even if i dont always see it.

 

[-Z-]

What? Surely that isn't true. Hey wake, do you have aim? If you do message me at king horse the z/ or shadower z 88 ok? If ya need to talk or somethin you know...

 

[Dust and Ashes]

i used to cut(at times i still do but i try not to). but at that time, my anger and depression got so bad that i wanted to die. so the cutting increased into thoughts of suicide. then i almost did it but i chickened out. i didnt want to give people i know that satisfaction of my death.

I can certainly identify. I remember a time, many years ago, when I stood with my Glock to my temple and the trigger about 1 pound from breaking, seeking the courage to do it. Then it occurred to me that if I did it, I would hurt my parents and the few friends I had for a while but that in time, they would go on. Life and the world as a whole would just go on and all I'd be was a grey stone amid other grey stones and an ever fading memory in the minds of those people who knew me. I wrote a lot of poetry during those times and it helped articulate what I was feeling but at the same time, it seemed to drain me emotionally.

I loved your poem by the way. The best poems come from deep inside and my personal definition of a poem is what the writer wants it to be.

Peace, love and mercy in the blessed name of Jesus Christ, our God and Saviour.

 

[wakeboardwithheart]

thanks. i try to write what i feel. it make it easier to deal with it.

 

[-Z-]

thanks. i try to write what i feel. it make it easier to deal with it.

I know how that is, all of my poems, and songs are in my journal on here...

 

[wakeboardwithheart]

i have aim..... im Twizdancer