Today, as I read the entries made in my spiritual diaries years before Jesus became a reality to me, I realize those entries to be so vague, dull an impersonal. I was raised in a traditional Christian family with Christian morals and knew about Jesus, God and His Spirit. I attended the Dutch Reformed Church with my family on Sundays and believed in God from a distance. At this time I did not truly have an understanding of the concept that Christ wanted to be the centre of my life. That He did not desire me to be a slave unto sin but a bond servant unto Him.
In 2001 my best friend gave her heart to the Lord and began to attend a pentecostal Church, the congregation of which I am now a member. She became a real freak to me at that time, always talking about Jesus; I could not comprehend what had happened to her. But in that time a desire grew in my heart to know the Lord as she did. Even though she irritated me so badly, I still knew she had something (or rather Someone) in her life that I desperately needed. She gave me many scriptures on salvation and planted many seeds that began to grow in my spirit.
As a child I was extremely privileged not to have abusive parents or the experience of terrible childhood circumstances. Still the enemy puts a foot in every chance he gets. As I entered High School in 2002 the pressure was on. Though I had great friends and many fantastic opportunities I also fell for so many temptations. My conscience always convicted me of these things, because I was raised well, but because I had no true, intimate relationship with the Lord Jesus I fell deeper into a life of sin. My life became a teenage mess with lies from the enemy taking over my mind; it nearly drove me mad. I had so many talents from God bottled up within, so much within to give the world but instead depression took hold of me and deformed me into a very sad creature.
When things started getting out of hand my mother asked me if I would want to go to a pastoral counsellor for help. I was more than willing because I indeed was not happy with my life the way it was. The gigantic gaping hole in my heart was ever increasing. Since I was small I have had an awareness of God and His hand in my life. Deep down I knew that my life was not at all pleasing to Him.
For a year I was in spiritual counselling with Corne Aucamp. Today after five years this lady is still my mentor and has become a trusted friend. She taught me what it is to truly have a relationship with the risen Christ. Yet still I did not find the freedom to surrender to Him. A week or more before my deliverance I decided to go on a camp to Carmel in Franshoek. It was such a beautiful place. That Saturday morning I woke up with a feeling of great excitement. Somehow I knew this day would be different than all the rest. I climbed that day a great mountain with a few of my friends. When we got to the top, it was breathtaking! There on the most high mountains I lay down my life at the feet of Christ to take up His (Saturday the 4th of October 2003).
As I look back at the entries that followed in my spiritual diaries they became more intimate and my relationship with Jesus Christ was now personal. I had truly met and surrendered to Him as my Saviour. Everything in my life began to change. I had found happiness!Freedom!Love!But most of all I had found grace...enough grace to wash away every single thing in my past. It is so funny that as humans we tend to think no one's sins can be as bad as our own. I realized that no-one is to dirty for God to clean, He loves us all...the same.
Still I had a struggle with ongoing sins formed by habit over many years and my mind had to be renewed. My spiritual growth reached a point where I felt something was missing and I began to seek scriptures on the baptism in water. In this time it was Pentecost at the church and the pastor preached on the infilling with the Holy Spirit with evidence of speaking in tongues. We had moved from the Dutch Reformed Church to the AFM Durbanville. I wanted to receive everything the Lord had in store for me and went out for prayer and the laying on of hands. However because of a stronghold of rejection in my mind I did not have the evidence of speaking in tongues in church that evening. I did however never feel the same after that specific evening and thus believe that I was baptised in the Holy Spirit on Friday the 28th of May 2004. The next day in private, I sought the Lord for the evidence of my infilling and the manifestation of tongues occurred on Saturday the 29th of May 2004. God showed me that He is merciful, patient and very gentle with His children. By the Word I was later convinced that I must be baptised also in water. On Sunday the 25th of July 2004 I was baptised.
My salvation became the most treasured thing in my life. It is the only thing in my life I received freely, yet it has cost me the most. I love the Lord Jesus, who saved me from the path of destruction and believe that He has great purposes for my life and for the lives of all those who are bold enough to put there trust in Him. It has been almost six years since I accepted Christ as Saviour, and never has He let me down, and I believe He never will. He is the Almighty God Who can be trusted now and forever.
In 2001 my best friend gave her heart to the Lord and began to attend a pentecostal Church, the congregation of which I am now a member. She became a real freak to me at that time, always talking about Jesus; I could not comprehend what had happened to her. But in that time a desire grew in my heart to know the Lord as she did. Even though she irritated me so badly, I still knew she had something (or rather Someone) in her life that I desperately needed. She gave me many scriptures on salvation and planted many seeds that began to grow in my spirit.
As a child I was extremely privileged not to have abusive parents or the experience of terrible childhood circumstances. Still the enemy puts a foot in every chance he gets. As I entered High School in 2002 the pressure was on. Though I had great friends and many fantastic opportunities I also fell for so many temptations. My conscience always convicted me of these things, because I was raised well, but because I had no true, intimate relationship with the Lord Jesus I fell deeper into a life of sin. My life became a teenage mess with lies from the enemy taking over my mind; it nearly drove me mad. I had so many talents from God bottled up within, so much within to give the world but instead depression took hold of me and deformed me into a very sad creature.
When things started getting out of hand my mother asked me if I would want to go to a pastoral counsellor for help. I was more than willing because I indeed was not happy with my life the way it was. The gigantic gaping hole in my heart was ever increasing. Since I was small I have had an awareness of God and His hand in my life. Deep down I knew that my life was not at all pleasing to Him.
For a year I was in spiritual counselling with Corne Aucamp. Today after five years this lady is still my mentor and has become a trusted friend. She taught me what it is to truly have a relationship with the risen Christ. Yet still I did not find the freedom to surrender to Him. A week or more before my deliverance I decided to go on a camp to Carmel in Franshoek. It was such a beautiful place. That Saturday morning I woke up with a feeling of great excitement. Somehow I knew this day would be different than all the rest. I climbed that day a great mountain with a few of my friends. When we got to the top, it was breathtaking! There on the most high mountains I lay down my life at the feet of Christ to take up His (Saturday the 4th of October 2003).
As I look back at the entries that followed in my spiritual diaries they became more intimate and my relationship with Jesus Christ was now personal. I had truly met and surrendered to Him as my Saviour. Everything in my life began to change. I had found happiness!Freedom!Love!But most of all I had found grace...enough grace to wash away every single thing in my past. It is so funny that as humans we tend to think no one's sins can be as bad as our own. I realized that no-one is to dirty for God to clean, He loves us all...the same.
Still I had a struggle with ongoing sins formed by habit over many years and my mind had to be renewed. My spiritual growth reached a point where I felt something was missing and I began to seek scriptures on the baptism in water. In this time it was Pentecost at the church and the pastor preached on the infilling with the Holy Spirit with evidence of speaking in tongues. We had moved from the Dutch Reformed Church to the AFM Durbanville. I wanted to receive everything the Lord had in store for me and went out for prayer and the laying on of hands. However because of a stronghold of rejection in my mind I did not have the evidence of speaking in tongues in church that evening. I did however never feel the same after that specific evening and thus believe that I was baptised in the Holy Spirit on Friday the 28th of May 2004. The next day in private, I sought the Lord for the evidence of my infilling and the manifestation of tongues occurred on Saturday the 29th of May 2004. God showed me that He is merciful, patient and very gentle with His children. By the Word I was later convinced that I must be baptised also in water. On Sunday the 25th of July 2004 I was baptised.
My salvation became the most treasured thing in my life. It is the only thing in my life I received freely, yet it has cost me the most. I love the Lord Jesus, who saved me from the path of destruction and believe that He has great purposes for my life and for the lives of all those who are bold enough to put there trust in Him. It has been almost six years since I accepted Christ as Saviour, and never has He let me down, and I believe He never will. He is the Almighty God Who can be trusted now and forever.
