My pastor, the matchmaker

[sparkydave]

Pastor has been dropping hints about the single mom who sits behind me in church for over a year now. Not opposed to the idea, she just seems very quiet. During greeting our interaction has been limited to "Good morning, it's nice to see you" before she quickly moves on to greet other folks. She usually shows up after worship starts and seems to disappear quickly after service, so it's been difficult trying to make any conversation with her. Even pastor admits she's shy and not the most outspoken person.

He finally asked how much progress I've made trying to talk to her, and I've had to say very little for reasons above. So, he has decided to take us out to lunch one day after church to help break the ice. Any tips? I'll admit it would be nice to get more than a couple words out of her when we aren't crunched for time. He speaks very highly of her and says she's very nice despite being quiet. I just wonder if he and his wife have been dropping as many hints in her ear about the single guy who sits in front of her, and she's also feeling a tiny bit awkward at the idea of being "fixed up".

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

At least you will have an opportunity to meet someone - what harm is there in that. And at least you are seen as worthy of being "fixed up" with someone. You are still kind of young. If you are 45 and still single, you will be seen as odd and perhaps seriously flawed and at any rate not marriage material and pretty much a nonentity and no one will go out of their way to introduce you to someone (unless you are very rich).

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Well having lunch will certainly break the ice. I can't understand WHY your pastor is SO invested in trying to get you guys together. It seems odd to me, but I don't know your pastor or the situation so IDK.

Tips? Well might you say, you have been trying to talk to her but she disappears so quick after service you haven't had a chance.
Ask questions that illicit more than a yes no response. Try to find out what she likes. What does she do for a living. Try to expound on any commonalities between you. Give her some insight to you, but don't make it too long or drawn out otherwise you might come across as someone too into yourself. Ask about her kids and what they like to do.
And lastly, if you like her ask her to meet for coffee or lunch after church sometime (without the pastor ).

 

[dayhiker]

If I were in your situation, I'd try to talk with her before dinner with the pastor.

I'd say I'd enjoy getting to know you. If you are not in a place were a relationship is what your looking for, then I'm not opposed to meeting with the pastor and his wife for dinner to humor him, then we can talk and see if either of us wants to let it go or spend some more time together.

Basically, we will appease the pastor but not let his agenda become our unless we really want it.

 

[blackribbon]

Make eye contact once and smile at her. That will help her understand that you maybe find something slightly attractive about her. HOWEVER, DO NOT make eye contact when talking to her in the beginning because it makes her self-conscious. Look down with occasional very short glance. She is used to "being invisible" and is probably most comfortable being invisible. However, we all want to be noticed by someone special so if you are gentle with her, she might turn out to be a jewel of great value.

If finding things to talk about are too hard because they require self-focus, find a building or a tree or even a dog to admire so that you are both looking at something non-personal and able to talk side to side (while both looking at the same thing). Best if it is not between you, but rather something that avoids face to face contact initially. The next step would be short phone calls...because she can not be looked at on the phone. Keep them short but always try to say when you will be calling back so she can mentally prepare and she doesn't have to doubt that you are interested in her.

Good luck. Sometimes these "invisible" shy people are jewels of great value.

 

[sparkydave]

Thanks all, and thank you Blackribbon for your tips. A friend of mine at church has also mentioned this lady too, so maybe Dr. S. is right, folks must see us as being worthy of being fixed up. Pastor speaks very highly of her, so if he's thinking I'm worthy of getting to know an attractive friend of his I don't think it's just because we're single and go to the same church.

 

[dayhiker]

dave ... keep us upto date as to how it goes.