My own song...please give feedback.

[Soulikz]

Please note that I also realise that i cannot sing nor should i until my voice breaks, because i sound like a girl at this age. I made this on the acoustic, which im not sure which sounds better, i know the chorus sounds better on elec.

ummm..i was playin around on my electric, while on msn...and decided to record a song i wrote a while ago (this) which was a time i was going through a rough time with god and that.

i dont have a clue why i did that sad beatboxing in it.... it wasnt originally there.


so yeah. check it out, i personally dont like it, and i dont really expect many other people too either

i have been playing guitar since june, and got my first lesson on saturday, so i wrote that with no teaching, so that gives me an excuse for the quite unco guitar lol.

The one thing i liked about it was how truthful it was tho. i mean, if anyone else has gone through one of these times....its not cool... the words: 'i need you yet i hide from you' in the end just meant how like, i would be thinking how much i needed to turn back to christ, yet i wouldnt do anything about it. i ended up rededicating at a alter call at church later that week. but those were the worst two weeks of my life.

i became christian a year ago buuuut like, once your with him, and then turn away, its then u know how much u really do need him.

and dont trip on the 13 thing. i truly have a love for christ, its not some thing within families where the kids just grow up in church or nothin like that, its more to me than that (although none of my family is even christian =/)


allllright...

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/4/dependedeelmusic.htm

 

[ChrisLockhart]

The song writing itself is pretty good. The chord changes are good and the melody works quite well. It needs some refining, particularly in the transition between verse and chorus, etc. As far as lyrics, I must admit I can't make out most of them, but them seem decent for such an early work. So basically what I'm saying.. the basic framework of a good song is here.. it just needs some of it's rough points smoothed out. This usually will just come from ideas that come to you while practicing it.

Which brings me to the other side. There are unintentional tempo changes throughout, which I assume comes from lack of familiarity with the song. In other words, the song needs to be practiced more so that you can perform it confidently and with less stumbling. The vocals aren't bad.. all they need is a little more life. I'm a terrible vocalist myself, so I can't say too much. Anyway, more life in the vocals will come from more confidence, which comes from more practice.. and through in some energy and you got it.

In the area of production, well.. that's the recording's will weak point. The song writing is good (just needs a few revisions), the performance is ok (just needs practice and energy), but the recording and mixing are terrible. Now of course, this has nothing to do with the song, and it's one of the toughest parts to get down.. plus I don't imagine you're working with the greatest of equipment either. But, perhaps you can incorporate some of my thoughts on this recording.. The vocals are mixed too low, the guitar was recorded at too high a level (that is the signal going into whatever was doing the recording was too high for it to handle). The beatbox stuff was amateurish, but surprisingly wasn't bad (except it seemed to be added last, so it doesn't match up with the rest of the tracks throughout).

I hope I got my main points across.. I think the song is good, the performance needs a little work, but the quality of the recording is what is hurting it the most.

 

[Soulikz]

aha yep. thanks...yeah.... i was trying to keep the singing down, because of my atheist brother who i was scared was gonna come in and laugh at me half way through recording... i recorded it in 3 parts, which may be what lead to the tempo changes so yah...next week ill play it again, taking in what you say and anybody else says... thanks a whole lot for the detailed feedback

 

[Western Deity]

Drop the beatbox, increase volume of the vocals, and increase recording quality .

 

[Soulikz]

can do all that, except the quality...unless i buy a new mic =/

 

[Kepa]

I admire you for putting it out there for everyone to listen.
I don't have much to point out that anyone else hasn't.
Invest in a metronome, this will help keep time.
If you can, get someone else to sing for you.
I had no idea what the lyrics were (couldn't hear them), so I can't comment on that.
But I think it's a standard song. It might take a while, but you could try working in some sort of riff or lick that can be repeated throughout the verse or chorus or something, just to break up the song, make it more original.
So yeah, keep working at it, you're 13 so you've got a while to practice.
Yeah, peace.

 

[integra evan]

well, it is sounding good so far...and has potential...one thing i can say is to be confident in your singing...i think its the lack of confidence that is making you out of tune sometimes...but keep working at it, it can turn into a REALLY nice song! keep it up!