my one true love

[XVII]

The day I fell in love with you will be my greatest day in history
How you transformed me so much and changed my life is a mystery
You showed me what life is all about and gave my life meaning
You broke and formed me into something great with your cleaning

That is why I have fallen in love with you
And why you love me so much I wish I knew
But I know I want to fall into your arms and hold me
And give me comfort and help when I’m on my knees

I desire to grow as close to you as I possibly can
Also everyone knows you are my greatest fan
Sometimes I try to reach the top of your glory
But I can always go deeper and deeper into your story

I am nothing without you and with you I am complete
Even though with your desire in my heart I may sometimes retreat
Even though when I fall into the deepest pit possible
But you will pick me back up and with my one true love, nothing is impossible

 

[yakkmeister]

An interesting premise, a good idea, let down by poor execution.

The major failings of this poem are the rythm, and the lack of images.
Poetry is about compression and evocation.

What does that mean?
To have the most impact with the least words.
Images are the most useful and ubiquitous tools of the poet; learn it and love it.

Rythm is the way your poem reads; is it jumpy, jaunted, broken, or is it smooth and memorable?

Rythm is what makes a peom stick into your mind.
Don't underestimate the power of the dark side ... I mean of rythm ...

Feel free to PM me on anything I have mentioned here.

 

[kristinabinka]

I think ur poem is beautiful.

God Bless