I had posted my testimony before but got no replies, probably cause it was 2 full pages long. So here's a shorter version.
Family: Both parents were christians, but I could never tell. Dad was distant, was in his own world, always kept to himself. Both me and my mom believe that he has Avoidant Personality Disorder. Mom was very very stubborn, very angry, cold, bitter, very unsupportive. Neither parent was emotionally or spiritually supportive, more the opposite. They were more of the religious type than the Christ-like type. Almost everything that everyone else did was wrong according to each person's agenda. They split up when I was 16. My older bro has bipolar disorder, my youngest has Tourette's Syndrome, my other younger bro has recently bee diagnosed with depression.
Church Background: Grew up in a Baptist church until I was 11, then the family swtiched to a local non-denominational church where we still go. I never understood most of the things in the bible, and had a hard time believing that God even existed because o the way that these churches presented Him. He seemed like the old angry guy in the sky who was created by some old ancient angry townsfolk.
I never felt accepted at church, but I needed deperately to fit in somewhere so I pretended to understand and believe the bible. I even got baptised cayse everyone else in my sunday school was. Then I quit church at 18 to go on my own and explore the world myself. I believe at that time that God was a myth and the bible was too, after all an old book that mentions a guy coming back to life and a sea splitting in half had to have been made up.
I grew up without much parental care, my social skills and wisdom suffered. I was never smart, made fun of at school, acted a few years immature to my age. Finally at 16, I got really depressed and felt suicidal. There was no one there for me, I felt no love or support, had no purpose in life, wasn't skilled at anything to make a career out of, and hated working at jobs that I hated. I didn't even wanna work, I just wanted to play (cause I was still a little kid in my mind.) I got diagnosed with depression, tried two different anti-depressants and two different sleeping pills, but neither did anything. I tried counselling, but that never gave me what I really needed.
Socially, I tried fitting in by drinking, drugs, and tried getting dates, but neither helped whatsoever. I tried relying on watching movies and chatting on the internet, nothing helped. I studied psychology and read some self-help books. But this showed me my problems in more detail rather than provide a way of being cured. I had basically no self-identity and even tried copying other ppl's personalities in order to fit in and feel a sense of purpose.
Finally I couldn't stand it anymore and promised myslef that I would kill myself. I just needed a time and place and successful method. While outside smoking, I began to think about why ppl suffer like this, where ppl came from, where the earth came from. I somehow ended up at the big bang without even knowing what the big bang really was. I concluded that there must be a God. So i prayed in my mind for the first time, "You out there. If you are a god, if you can here me, if you are a love force of somekind, if you can help, then do so now. If you really exist and really care about me, then show yourself. I need to know if there is someone out there who loves me right now!!!!"
I woke up a bout 3 days later without a single symptom of depression or any mental disorder in the DSMV (book psychologist use to officially diagnose patients.) I realized that it was only a loving caring god who could do this. But i wanted to make sure, so I studied god in the bible since this cure was similar to what the god in the bible does. I read up on Jesus for the first time and was completely blown away by him. He was someone that I wanted to be like.
I now have everything I need. Now am going to bible college to become a pastor.
Family: Both parents were christians, but I could never tell. Dad was distant, was in his own world, always kept to himself. Both me and my mom believe that he has Avoidant Personality Disorder. Mom was very very stubborn, very angry, cold, bitter, very unsupportive. Neither parent was emotionally or spiritually supportive, more the opposite. They were more of the religious type than the Christ-like type. Almost everything that everyone else did was wrong according to each person's agenda. They split up when I was 16. My older bro has bipolar disorder, my youngest has Tourette's Syndrome, my other younger bro has recently bee diagnosed with depression.
Church Background: Grew up in a Baptist church until I was 11, then the family swtiched to a local non-denominational church where we still go. I never understood most of the things in the bible, and had a hard time believing that God even existed because o the way that these churches presented Him. He seemed like the old angry guy in the sky who was created by some old ancient angry townsfolk.
I never felt accepted at church, but I needed deperately to fit in somewhere so I pretended to understand and believe the bible. I even got baptised cayse everyone else in my sunday school was. Then I quit church at 18 to go on my own and explore the world myself. I believe at that time that God was a myth and the bible was too, after all an old book that mentions a guy coming back to life and a sea splitting in half had to have been made up.
I grew up without much parental care, my social skills and wisdom suffered. I was never smart, made fun of at school, acted a few years immature to my age. Finally at 16, I got really depressed and felt suicidal. There was no one there for me, I felt no love or support, had no purpose in life, wasn't skilled at anything to make a career out of, and hated working at jobs that I hated. I didn't even wanna work, I just wanted to play (cause I was still a little kid in my mind.) I got diagnosed with depression, tried two different anti-depressants and two different sleeping pills, but neither did anything. I tried counselling, but that never gave me what I really needed.
Socially, I tried fitting in by drinking, drugs, and tried getting dates, but neither helped whatsoever. I tried relying on watching movies and chatting on the internet, nothing helped. I studied psychology and read some self-help books. But this showed me my problems in more detail rather than provide a way of being cured. I had basically no self-identity and even tried copying other ppl's personalities in order to fit in and feel a sense of purpose.
Finally I couldn't stand it anymore and promised myslef that I would kill myself. I just needed a time and place and successful method. While outside smoking, I began to think about why ppl suffer like this, where ppl came from, where the earth came from. I somehow ended up at the big bang without even knowing what the big bang really was. I concluded that there must be a God. So i prayed in my mind for the first time, "You out there. If you are a god, if you can here me, if you are a love force of somekind, if you can help, then do so now. If you really exist and really care about me, then show yourself. I need to know if there is someone out there who loves me right now!!!!"
I woke up a bout 3 days later without a single symptom of depression or any mental disorder in the DSMV (book psychologist use to officially diagnose patients.) I realized that it was only a loving caring god who could do this. But i wanted to make sure, so I studied god in the bible since this cure was similar to what the god in the bible does. I read up on Jesus for the first time and was completely blown away by him. He was someone that I wanted to be like.
I now have everything I need. Now am going to bible college to become a pastor.
What an inspirational story, im glad u finally came to God. After alllllll that, now ur going to college to become a pastor? 
That shows that God is always there, might not b there exactly when u want but hes always right on time. God bless u and i hope u do good in school. 
