My marriage needs help!

[familyman20]

We've been married for less then a year. We've had alot of problems in our relationship with anger and in some rare cases, violence. This had been going on even before we got married. She has a very abusive past from her mother and x-boyfriends(cheated on and nearly raped). She doesn't have a church background, but has always had good morals and believed in God.

I, on the other hand, have grown up in the church my whole life. I've never dealt with any form of physical or mental abuse. I've never been very assertive, so I've never completly understood her anger. Over the years, I've slowly become very bitter towards her and I am now just as angry and bitter as she is.

When we argue, we resort to saying very hurtfull things to each other. Constantly accusing the other of not loving or caring at all, saying that we wished we never got married, name calling (b-tch,jerl horrible husband/wife/father/mother). And many times she will threten divorce. Sometimes I try to walk away or go somewhere to calm down, but then she accused me of leaving her. We've talked alot about this, but it just keeps getting worse. Over time we've become very bitter towards each other and I don't know what is left.

On top of all this, we just had a baby. She got pregnent a few months before we got married (our mistake... it was both our first time), so we want to provide a loving household her her, but at the same time, the stress of dealing with a newborn is more then we can handle!

I know that she has been hurt by almost everyone close to her, and now since I've hurt her also, she will never trust me or anyone again.

i am just so sick of all this and the way she treats me. I'm also sick of the way I react to her. We know that we need to get in the word and set a regular schedule for reading and praying, but our newborn makes any time impossible. We are hurting each other and killing our marriage. I don't know what to do.

 

[pmarquette]

My wife's first husband was an abusive drunk .... she still has areas of
pain .... any time I raise my voice , correct her , etc.... reacts to old
wounds , not necessarily me ...

Paul says our enemy is not flesh and blood , but the devil and his
disciples ... intercede for her , pray laborers and witnesses in her
past , that she might forgive and be reconciled to her future ,
by putting the past behind ..

Have you talked to a minister or counselor ?

There is a book by T.D. Jakes called "Woman , Thou art Loosed " about this
type of thing , might help . Or Joyce Meyers ministries , deals with abuse
and women's issues .

Love her where she is , pray , ask God to intervene , work like it depends
on you , pray like it depends on God ...

 

[momof3blessings]

I agree with the above post. Also read The Power of a Praying Husband and their is one for wives by Stormie Omartin. They can help on how to pray for your wife and it tells a bit about the moods we go through.

 

[seebs]

Having had my share of fights and problems, I would recommend at least considering a marriage counselor. Be prepared to shop around a bit; we got lucky and got an excellent counselor, but I've known people who didn't do so well on the first try.

 

[P3nguin1]

We've been married for less then a year. We've had alot of problems in our relationship with anger and in some rare cases, violence. This had been going on even before we got married. She has a very abusive past from her mother and x-boyfriends(cheated on and nearly raped). She doesn't have a church background, but has always had good morals and believed in God.

I, on the other hand, have grown up in the church my whole life. I've never dealt with any form of physical or mental abuse. I've never been very assertive, so I've never completly understood her anger. Over the years, I've slowly become very bitter towards her and I am now just as angry and bitter as she is.

When we argue, we resort to saying very hurtfull things to each other. Constantly accusing the other of not loving or caring at all, saying that we wished we never got married, name calling (b-tch,jerl horrible husband/wife/father/mother). And many times she will threten divorce. Sometimes I try to walk away or go somewhere to calm down, but then she accused me of leaving her. We've talked alot about this, but it just keeps getting worse. Over time we've become very bitter towards each other and I don't know what is left.

On top of all this, we just had a baby. She got pregnent a few months before we got married (our mistake... it was both our first time), so we want to provide a loving household her her, but at the same time, the stress of dealing with a newborn is more then we can handle!

I know that she has been hurt by almost everyone close to her, and now since I've hurt her also, she will never trust me or anyone again.

i am just so sick of all this and the way she treats me. I'm also sick of the way I react to her. We know that we need to get in the word and set a regular schedule for reading and praying, but our newborn makes any time impossible. We are hurting each other and killing our marriage. I don't know what to do.

I can feel your pain because I was in a somewhat similar situation.

My fiance` has experienced more abuse than anyone should have to at the hand of her ex-husband. I helped her get out of that situation but then her and I immediately jumped into a relationship. She had six children and we were pregnant soon thereafter.

I don't even remember what started it but our relationship turned into a downward spiral of mistreatment and disrespect. The more she hurt me, the worse I treated her (neither of us were voilent, but words can be harsh). The more I hurt her the worse she treated me. It sometimes felt like there was no way out and our relationship was doomed.

At this time neither of us were strong Christians, we wanted to be but our relationships with God were being mirrored in our relationship with each other; the farther apart I got from God the harder it was to come back.

In August it was horrible, I didn't think we were going to make it.

Then I did something I hadn't done in a long time. I prayed. I mean REALLY prayed. And God answered. I will tell you what he told me and I hope it is as helpful as it was to me:

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. 1 Cor. 13:4-8


I know it sounds cliche` but this verse came to me loud and clear. I had to ask myself "Am I really loving her?"

I knew I Loved her, but was I showing it? To me real love stives to fufill all of these qualities and I was falling short in so many ways.

"But" I responded to myself "She isn't being all of those things. She isnt always kind! How am I supposed to be kind and paitent when she is yelling at me?"

The answer is simple. Faith. Faith in the relationship will help you to be calm when you want to be upset. Faith in God will help you to say you are sorry when you beleive it was her fault as much as yours.


20He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. Matthew 17:20

In September I fully gave my life over to Jesus. I said to him this: "I will strive at all times to Love her as you have instructed." And left our relationship in His hands.

It was hard. She didn't "get" it at first. I began to apologize when in the past I would have slept on the couch. I began to hold her where in the past I would push her away. I began to reenforce to her that I am committed to her forever (we will be married March 1st, but I consider myself committed to her for life already) when in the past I would threaten to leave.

It has only been a few short months but the results are amazing. Over time she began to believe that I am serious about this, that I will always Love her and I will never leave her. She is begining to forgive the harsh words I used to speak and we are closer now than we ever have been.

It wont be easy in the beginning but in order to fix my relationship I had to prove to her that I really loved her.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33

Put your focus on God and He will mend your relationship if you follow His lead.

In His Name
jeremey

 

[familyman20]

Thank you for all the replys, they have been helpful. I am always struggling with what I know I should do, and what I am doing. I keep thinking that if she cared as much, then she would be trying the same with me. Its as if neither of us are going to move until the other does...

Its like a chess game where its one move away from checkmate with one safe square, and we just keep moving back and forth. Neither wants to give up the pride to give in and "submit" to the others anger. It seems so unfair and whenever I do, she just gloats that I admitted that I was wrong, so she never appolgizes. Its hard to keep that up without resolution of my feelings.

I've tried to show her love and appolize and comfort, so she knows she loves me, but it never lasts, and my anger/impatients/pain gets the best of me.

I feel that I want to love her so much, but I am so desperite for love. I feel empty and lonley. I just want her love.

 

[P3nguin1]

Thank you for all the replys, they have been helpful. I am always struggling with what I know I should do, and what I am doing. I keep thinking that if she cared as much, then she would be trying the same with me. Its as if neither of us are going to move until the other does...

Its like a chess game where its one move away from checkmate with one safe square, and we just keep moving back and forth. Neither wants to give up the pride to give in and "submit" to the others anger. It seems so unfair and whenever I do, she just gloats that I admitted that I was wrong, so she never appolgizes. Its hard to keep that up without resolution of my feelings.

I've tried to show her love and appolize and comfort, so she knows she loves me, but it never lasts, and my anger/impatients/pain gets the best of me.

I feel that I want to love her so much, but I am so desperite for love. I feel empty and lonley. I just want her love.

I can totaly understand. It was not easy for me either. At times I felt like giving up. But I kept on. The Lord calls us to be humble and here are some verses that helped me tremendously:

Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:4

The hardest part for me was swallowing my pride and saying "I am sorry. I was wrong." But Love is putting the other above yourself. Put her feelings first and if she truely loves you she will respond.

I know it is hard to do but if that is what it takes, then are you willing to do it.

I can't promise this will work for you. I just know what a difference in my life it has made.

 

[mamaneenie]

We've been married for less then a year. We've had alot of problems in our relationship with anger and in some rare cases, violence. This had been going on even before we got married. She has a very abusive past from her mother and x-boyfriends(cheated on and nearly raped). She doesn't have a church background, but has always had good morals and believed in God..

These are very serious issues, has she ever had counselling for her abusive relationships?

I, on the other hand, have grown up in the church my whole life. I've never dealt with any form of physical or mental abuse. I've never been very assertive, so I've never completly understood her anger. Over the years, I've slowly become very bitter towards her and I am now just as angry and bitter as she is

I really cannot offer advice, except it sounds as though you both need to go to counselling together.

On top of all this, we just had a baby. She got pregnent a few months before we got married (our mistake... it was both our first time), so we want to provide a loving household her her, but at the same time, the stress of dealing with a newborn is more then we can handle!

All I can say to this, is that my husband and I have been there and come through the other side. We got married in April 2001 and our first child was born in November 2001. (do the math - I was a pregnant bride too) The first year of marriage is hard enough, then add the shame of an illegitimate conception and a newborn baby who you love dearly. It is hard I know. The sleepless nights do eventually end. (well don't end completely, occasionally I have to get up if he is sick or has had nightmares, but it's not every night anymore)

The uncertainty fades a little, I don't think every parent is sure of themselves all the time, but eventually you do get some confidence in the right thngs to do and say. Also, I do agree that it is hard to set aside time to pray and read the word together, my husband and I struggle in this too, but it is essential. Is there a time in your house that is calm and everyone is happy. Maybe after the baby has a feed, and is playing happily, you could fit in even 10 minutes is better than nothing. I normally ask my husband when he gets home from work, I tell him I would like some time after dinner to pray. We usually do it after dinner, after our son is bathed and he is happy to play by himself for a little while.

 

[katelyn]

Do you have any friend or relative who could perhaps take care of the baby one evening every couple weeks so that you could have some alone time together? Or (if the baby is old enough) could you get a babysitter? If you don't have a lot of money you could just go out for dessert or even buy one from the grocery store and rent a movie or watch one on TV, or play cards or whatever you might find enjoyable and relaxing. It will also give you some time to just talk and maybe you could start or end the night by doing a devotion together and praying over any issues that are going on. That might help alleviate the stress, but I agree with the others that since she's gone through a lot, counseling might be wise.

 

[Svt4Him]

First off, anger isn't a primary emotion, it's secondary. You stub your toe, you get hurt, then you get angry. If someone is constantly angry, then they have some deeper issues to worry about then angry. And if you are reacting the same way, so do you. I can tell you a bit of what I've learnt, and the best one is my wife's love language. The Five Love Languages is a great book. The second thing I had to deal with is realizing it's not my wife's fault for my problems. Our fights got to the point where, at different times, we both went to the police station to report the other. But our fingers were too busy pointing out the errors of the other, that we didn't realize our faults. The third was to know that God brought us together. Your situation is a bit different in that you may question if it's God's will to be married since it was probably a shot gun wedding, but if you're married, then God will honor it. Rest assured that God wants you happily married. Finally, there are some hurts that go deep, and it was only when we went to see a minister who believed in deliverance that we received a freedom that I can't describe. Counselling was ok for us, and it may be great for you, but in dealing with soul issues, I think I needed to come to the end of myself before God stepped in. Actually, some say you get to the end of your rope, then He does, but it felt like I fell right off. I can't say that will happen to you, I hope it doesn't. My heart goes out to you though.

 

[E-beth]

It sounds like your wife definitely needs some counselling. Couple's counselling would help too.

My first marriage was abusive. When you are systematically torn down, it gets to the point where you feel so powerless and unloveable that all you can do is strike first. Then when they leave, you an feel like, "see, he is just like all the rest. He doesn't love me and no one ever will."

I got pregnant a month after marrying my blessed hubby. It was such a great answer to prayer, but whoo-wee does a new baby make a new marriage rough! You aer just learning to deal with each other, and suddenly you can't find time to bathe, better yet talk heart-to-heart. But for the sake of your child, you both have to learn to treat each other respectfully.

I agree with the advice of loving her, saying sorry when you want to scream, and love her when she gloats. Don't expect an apology. Eventually, though, she will learn from your example and her toughened heart will soften a little.

God bless you for wanting to be a good husband and dad. I will be praying fro you both!

 

[LN]

I haven't heard you answer any responses about counseling yet, but I'd like to emphasize that counseling is the key issue here. Its important to get counseling for your wife and as a couple.

Some people have a stigma against counseling. As my sister-in-law put it "I don't like telling my problems to a stranger." But you have to think about it like "would I not go to a medical doctor if I had cancer?" Counselors have seen everything, heard everything and specalize in helping people with these types of situations.

You can look into your medical insurance and see what counselors nearby accept your mental health insurance. That way the co-pay is quite inexpensive. If you would like a Christian counselor, you can call up a couple local churches and just ask them anonomously who they reccomend. Then you have to call those counselors and ask if they take your insurance. Sometimes you have to go through your primary care physician as a referral, but if you call up any primary care physician and say "My wife and I are having a difficult time getting along due to the stress of our new baby (TOTALLY NORMAL)" the doctor will give you a referral no problem. He or she does not need to know all the details of her abuse if you don't want to tell them.

Unfortunately the mental health phone lines for the insurance companies do not know who is a Christian and who is not Apparently, they don't think that is an important piece of information!

I would also empahsize making church and fellowship a priority. You may feel like you don't have time for church, but you may also see things fall into place when putting that first. My husband and I had a difficult first year and seeing our pastor periodically and talking about it helped us a TON.

LN

 

[blitzn]

I can feel your pain because I was in a somewhat similar situation.

My fiance` has experienced more abuse than anyone should have to at the hand of her ex-husband. I helped her get out of that situation but then her and I immediately jumped into a relationship. She had six children and we were pregnant soon thereafter.

I don't even remember what started it but our relationship turned into a downward spiral of mistreatment and disrespect. The more she hurt me, the worse I treated her (neither of us were voilent, but words can be harsh). The more I hurt her the worse she treated me. It sometimes felt like there was no way out and our relationship was doomed.

At this time neither of us were strong Christians, we wanted to be but our relationships with God were being mirrored in our relationship with each other; the farther apart I got from God the harder it was to come back.

In August it was horrible, I didn't think we were going to make it.

Then I did something I hadn't done in a long time. I prayed. I mean REALLY prayed. And God answered. I will tell you what he told me and I hope it is as helpful as it was to me:

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. 1 Cor. 13:4-8


I know it sounds cliche` but this verse came to me loud and clear. I had to ask myself "Am I really loving her?"

I knew I Loved her, but was I showing it? To me real love stives to fufill all of these qualities and I was falling short in so many ways.

"But" I responded to myself "She isn't being all of those things. She isnt always kind! How am I supposed to be kind and paitent when she is yelling at me?"

The answer is simple. Faith. Faith in the relationship will help you to be calm when you want to be upset. Faith in God will help you to say you are sorry when you beleive it was her fault as much as yours.


20He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. Matthew 17:20

In September I fully gave my life over to Jesus. I said to him this: "I will strive at all times to Love her as you have instructed." And left our relationship in His hands.

It was hard. She didn't "get" it at first. I began to apologize when in the past I would have slept on the couch. I began to hold her where in the past I would push her away. I began to reenforce to her that I am committed to her forever (we will be married March 1st, but I consider myself committed to her for life already) when in the past I would threaten to leave.

It has only been a few short months but the results are amazing. Over time she began to believe that I am serious about this, that I will always Love her and I will never leave her. She is begining to forgive the harsh words I used to speak and we are closer now than we ever have been.

It wont be easy in the beginning but in order to fix my relationship I had to prove to her that I really loved her.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33

Put your focus on God and He will mend your relationship if you follow His lead.

In His Name
jeremey

Are you married or still engaged? Boy that's a lot to go through if you're only yet engaged...but I have to say that you have truly found the truth that many Christian husbands have yet to find:

Eph 5:25,26 (KJV) Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it; that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word...

- blitzn

 

[familyman20]

Thank you again for the helpful advice. We have considered counselling, but we are pretty private as far as our home life goes... We are both only 20 years old, and everyone at church thinks that we are a very strong and mature couple. It seems that we act the part of being good christians so well that no one knows we need help.

Our wedding wasn't shotgun per say... She conceived the night I proposed, and we didn't know that she was pregnant until after we set the wedding day. No one knew she was pregnant until 2 months after we were married.

We do know one couple who we have been very close too, however, just when we were getting really connected, they moved to another state (accepted a position as a new pastor). They came back and preformed our ceremony, and we keep in regualar contact with them. We've considered talking to them about our problems, but it would have to be over the phone...

We have books... I have read, and am now re-reading "Every Womens Desire", she has read and is re-reading "Power of a praying wife". I've ordered the book and workbook for "Woman, thou art loosed" because we've always forcused on our relationship and never on her pain from the past. I am hopeing that she is going to be willing to deal with that.

I guess we've done all the motions, and we have made lots of progress, several times, but it always goes back down. It now seems that it is at its worst.

I've always had trouble with counselling because of pride. I actually want to someday be a counseler. I feel like they can't tell me anything I don't already know about what I need to do. I just feel ashamed because I've never been able to continue doing what I know I need to do.

 

[katelyn]

We are both only 20 years old, and everyone at church thinks that we are a very strong and mature couple. It seems that we act the part of being good christians so well that no one knows we need help.

I can sympathize with the hesitation, but this way of thinking can be very dangerous. Pretending that nothing is wrong has a devastating potential for only making things worse. I would like to suggest that it's possible for you to see a counselor privately, and no one else has to know about it. If everyone thinks that you are a strong couple, then most likely they will not suspect that you are seeing a counselor. It's not like by seeing a counselor that you are throwing out some major red flags to others that mark you as tainted.

The other thing I would encourage you to think about is how dangerous this fear of appearing imperfect is to the church in general. Since it is considered a "bad" thing to be known to need a counselor, how many other families in your church are silently hurting? We are not meant to go through such things in silence! One of the functions of the church is to help each other through such times. You would probably be surprised to know how many people from your church go to counselors, or if they don't, that at least are going through something that would warrant a visit to a counselor.

The reason we don't talk about it is that the devil wants to cloak us in shame. Shame is never from God. God wants us to repent of our sins but not to feel terrible or embarrassed about who we are.

Finally, I would like to say that we all need the greatest Counselor. Therefore, there should be nothing wrong with seeking help with those people He has gifted with the ability to help others.

I pray that somehow you will find the help you need...that the books you've purchased will be helpful, and if you need help beyond that, that God will open your hearts to the idea of counseling.

 

[blitzn]

I haven't heard you answer any responses about counseling yet, but I'd like to emphasize that counseling is the key issue here. Its important to get counseling for your wife and as a couple.

Some people have a stigma against counseling. As my sister-in-law put it "I don't like telling my problems to a stranger." But you have to think about it like "would I not go to a medical doctor if I had cancer?" Counselors have seen everything, heard everything and specalize in helping people with these types of situations.

You can look into your medical insurance and see what counselors nearby accept your mental health insurance. That way the co-pay is quite inexpensive. If you would like a Christian counselor, you can call up a couple local churches and just ask them anonomously who they reccomend. Then you have to call those counselors and ask if they take your insurance. Sometimes you have to go through your primary care physician as a referral, but if you call up any primary care physician and say "My wife and I are having a difficult time getting along due to the stress of our new baby (TOTALLY NORMAL)" the doctor will give you a referral no problem. He or she does not need to know all the details of her abuse if you don't want to tell them.

Unfortunately the mental health phone lines for the insurance companies do not know who is a Christian and who is not Apparently, they don't think that is an important piece of information!

I would also empahsize making church and fellowship a priority. You may feel like you don't have time for church, but you may also see things fall into place when putting that first. My husband and I had a difficult first year and seeing our pastor periodically and talking about it helped us a TON.

LN

Just an addendum to what you mentioned and just my opinion, but based on much experience - it's also important not to use counseling as a replacement for God in people's lives. Counselors are only human and often do make mistakes, and many times, if not chosen very carefully and at the leading of the Spirit, can destroy a relationship rather than help it. It's especially important when dealing with females who have been through emotional and physical abuse. I know first hand unfortunately.

IMO, seek first the mighty Counselor and the Word of God; His name is Jesus...Isa 9:6 (KJV) For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

- blitzn

 

[P3nguin1]

Are you married or still engaged? Boy that's a lot to go through if you're only yet engaged...but I have to say that you have truly found the truth that many Christian husbands have yet to find:

Eph 5:25,26 (KJV) Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it; that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word...

- blitzn

We are engaged but have been living together for almost 3 years. It has been chaos until September, when we put God first in our lives.

I should have mentioned the above verse, it is the most important verse a husband will find about God's will concerning his wife. It is a difficult charge too, but noone said love was easy

 

[familyman20]

I think we will talk to our friends who moved out of state... They are a pastor and his wife who we both feel comfortable talking too. They also preformed our wedding ceremony for us. Its free, we trust them, they are easy to talk to, they offer good encouragement and advice. It just stinks that we have to talk to them over the phone.

My wife would be upset if I told her I was talking about us online... but she is more worried about people we know finding out then anything. And I know that none of you know us at all!

 

[katelyn]

I think we will talk to our friends who moved out of state... They are a pastor and his wife who we both feel comfortable talking too. They also preformed our wedding ceremony for us. Its free, we trust them, they are easy to talk to, they offer good encouragement and advice. It just stinks that we have to talk to them over the phone.

My wife would be upset if I told her I was talking about us online... but she is more worried about people we know finding out then anything. And I know that none of you know us at all!

That sounds like a good idea! It's too bad that they live out of state, but at least you have someone to talk to about it at any rate.

 

[P3nguin2]

It may help you to see this from a woman who knows what your wife is living with. I have lived the hell she is dealing with now. Her anger isnt at you. It is at the life she is still trying to escape. The struggle that is within her is not about you. The inner battle she faces daily is much different then most people realize. The pain of remembering and the unsurity if what she is saying and doing is right. Which then leads to poor self esteem. What happened to your wife wasnt her fault. She needs to come to terms with that inorder to get past what is going on with her now. If she is anything like me she probably holds things together pretty good for short spurts of time. Then everything spirals out of control. I have bouts of anger. They are overwhelming and half of the time I cant control them. I have gotten thru them thru praying for peace and praying for God to calm my spirit. The anger isnt even my fiance's fault. He just seems to be the fuse at times.

Yes it is easy to go to church and put on the happy christian family fasad but the reality is that it is just another way for her to escape away from what she is dealing with. I did it for years and years. I couldnt tell people. I couldnt even express some things into words. Then you get so used to keeping it inside that you start keeping everything inside. Then if she is like me she will close up altogether.

Councelling will help in some ways. It has helped me. I am sure at times I could use more. Mostly so that I can try and express what I am feeling. Once she is able to recognize where her bitterness and anger come from then she will be better able to deal with it. The biggest thing you need to continuely repeat to yourself is that its not your fault. You didnt do these things to her someone else did.

Jeremey hasnt put any expectations on me when he made his commitment to me. He has shown and given me love, even when I didnt deserve it and couldnt accept it. Things now are so much better then I could have ever thought possible. My advice to you is to start small dont overwhelm her. Tell her you love her and are going to be with her no matter what. Jeremey bought us a God's little Devotional Book for Couples and it only took us 5 minutes a day to read the small devotion for the day. It was a way for us to start building our relationship again. Now we have long indepth talks about God and spend lots of time looking at scripture. Be consistant. Just so we wouldnt miss a night Jeremey would say wait dont fall asleep yet we need to read our devotion for the day.

I hope this helps you in someway.

God Bless