My husband left me for another woman...(long)

[MBlayton]

My husband of 5 years( been together 10) became very distant in early March of this year. He had always been a very loving husband, an excellent father, a proud and strong Christian and just an all around good person. We had the same issues in our marriage as many other do. Money problems, stress from work, trying to make time for each other while trying to take time for ourselves and so on.. We never went to bed angry and we always tried to talk out any serious issues( a few have came up along the way but nothing like this..) over all we generally enjoyed each others company and at least I thought we were in all this together, a team. I encouraged him to make friends at work. He became friends with a guy named Marcus early this year. Marcus is a few years younger( my husband is 28) and Marcus is single. My husband soon started acting weird, like cursing, which is something he didn't do before, and he was constantly on his cell texting. One day he accidently sent me a message that was meant for Marcus. It had been a reply to Marcus after Marcus had sent a text about a girl he had slept with the night before. My husband was telling Marcus how hot she sounded and made a comment about what kind of underwear she was wearing. I was very upset. I asked him why he was behaving this way and he asked me if I thought he had fallen away from God ever since he had taken his new job, which required him to work Sundays most of the time and causing him to miss Worship service. I wish I had answered differently. I said "No" because in my mind, he couldnt fall away from God. His love and faith in the Lord is what first drew me to him. I fell in love with him watching him give his first sermon. I prayed to have faith like him. I thought it was unwavering. Over the next few weeks he bacame even more withdrawn. I described his behavior to friends and they all said that they thought he was cheating. I couldnt believe it. After another week of him sleeping on the couch because i couldnt get him to come to bed with me. He also slept with his phone is his pocket so I couldnt see it. I asked to borrow it one day to make a call and he freaked out and started erasing messages. I finally checked his call log online. A # kept popping up. He called it or vice versa about 4 or 5 times a day. I decided to ask him about it and at first he denied it but then admitted that he had been seeing a woman(also married) from work. He said that it was not sexual, that they had only kissed. He said that he loved me and didn't want a divorce but that he had feelings for her too. He said he needed time away to think. I asked him not to talk to her because he needed to think about his family. I left with our son so he could get a few things together, this was a Friday afternoon. I checked the call log again on Saturday night and they had spoken to each other 18 times. I called him and he told me that he hadn't loved me in years and that he wanted a divorce. I was floored. I told him there was no way I buying that he hadn't loved me in years...he couldn't have faked all that emotion. I asked him to tell me about this woman that was worth throwing his family away for. I asked how old she was, he said he didn't know that they didn't talk about that(she's 33) I asked if she had children, again he said he didn't know(she has 2) I told that I knew more about her than he did. I asked what they talked about that was so amazing, he said they just talk about being together and that they had a really passionate and emotional relationship. He walked away from the church the next day. He resigned as song leader and told me he didn't care what any of those people thought about him. He said he was "expected to go to church, expected to get baptized, expected to graduate high school and college, expected to get married and have a baby..." This is not my husband. He says that she will leave her husband to be with him . I found her and her husband on facebook and she deleted both pages and disconnected her home number. She sure is scrambling to cover this up for a woman who wants out. My husband sees his son about 10 hours a week. He has gone 4 days without even asking about him. I checked the call log one last time over a week ago. I had 800 texts for the month of April, he had almost 6000. To me that screams obsession, not love. I will never believe that he hasn't loved me in all these years, but I believe that he feels like he doesn't now. I called our old pastor, who also married us and told him what was going on. He said he wanted to talk to him(my husband really looks up to him) I want to save my family but he won't go to counseling. He has turned his back on everyone who loves him. I pray everyday for him and our family and even for her and her family. I want the man I love and married back. I know things will never be the same but I at least want the chance, and maybe we can be stronger than ever. I believe with all my heart that what we had was real, even if it is too buried for him to see. My husband is a follower. I think he thinks the grass is greener. I believe in him and his faith in the Lord. My friends tell me to file for divorce and be done with him. I think that is the easy way out. I believe in my marriage and my husband. I am however, realistic about the situation. If he wants out, he will have to file. I will not help him destroy this family. My goal is to save it. Will I ever get my family back together? He is so lost. Please respond and pray for us

 

[Romanseight2005]

My husband of 5 years( been together 10) became very distant in early March of this year. He had always been a very loving husband, an excellent father, a proud and strong Christian and just an all around good person. We had the same issues in our marriage as many other do. Money problems, stress from work, trying to make time for each other while trying to take time for ourselves and so on.. We never went to bed angry and we always tried to talk out any serious issues( a few have came up along the way but nothing like this..) over all we generally enjoyed each others company and at least I thought we were in all this together, a team. I encouraged him to make friends at work. He became friends with a guy named Marcus early this year. Marcus is a few years younger( my husband is 28) and Marcus is single. My husband soon started acting weird, like cursing, which is something he didn't do before, and he was constantly on his cell texting. One day he accidently sent me a message that was meant for Marcus. It had been a reply to Marcus after Marcus had sent a text about a girl he had slept with the night before. My husband was telling Marcus how hot she sounded and made a comment about what kind of underwear she was wearing. I was very upset. I asked him why he was behaving this way and he asked me if I thought he had fallen away from God ever since he had taken his new job, which required him to work Sundays most of the time and causing him to miss Worship service. I wish I had answered differently. I said "No" because in my mind, he couldnt fall away from God. His love and faith in the Lord is what first drew me to him. I fell in love with him watching him give his first sermon. I prayed to have faith like him. I thought it was unwavering. Over the next few weeks he bacame even more withdrawn. I described his behavior to friends and they all said that they thought he was cheating. I couldnt believe it. After another week of him sleeping on the couch because i couldnt get him to come to bed with me. He also slept with his phone is his pocket so I couldnt see it. I asked to borrow it one day to make a call and he freaked out and started erasing messages. I finally checked his call log online. A # kept popping up. He called it or vice versa about 4 or 5 times a day. I decided to ask him about it and at first he denied it but then admitted that he had been seeing a woman(also married) from work. He said that it was not sexual, that they had only kissed. He said that he loved me and didn't want a divorce but that he had feelings for her too. He said he needed time away to think. I asked him not to talk to her because he needed to think about his family. I left with our son so he could get a few things together, this was a Friday afternoon. I checked the call log again on Saturday night and they had spoken to each other 18 times. I called him and he told me that he hadn't loved me in years and that he wanted a divorce. I was floored. I told him there was no way I buying that he hadn't loved me in years...he couldn't have faked all that emotion. I asked him to tell me about this woman that was worth throwing his family away for. I asked how old she was, he said he didn't know that they didn't talk about that(she's 33) I asked if she had children, again he said he didn't know(she has 2) I told that I knew more about her than he did. I asked what they talked about that was so amazing, he said they just talk about being together and that they had a really passionate and emotional relationship. He walked away from the church the next day. He resigned as song leader and told me he didn't care what any of those people thought about him. He said he was "expected to go to church, expected to get baptized, expected to graduate high school and college, expected to get married and have a baby..." This is not my husband. He says that she will leave her husband to be with him . I found her and her husband on facebook and she deleted both pages and disconnected her home number. She sure is scrambling to cover this up for a woman who wants out. My husband sees his son about 10 hours a week. He has gone 4 days without even asking about him. I checked the call log one last time over a week ago. I had 800 texts for the month of April, he had almost 6000. To me that screams obsession, not love. I will never believe that he hasn't loved me in all these years, but I believe that he feels like he doesn't now. I called our old pastor, who also married us and told him what was going on. He said he wanted to talk to him(my husband really looks up to him) I want to save my family but he won't go to counseling. He has turned his back on everyone who loves him. I pray everyday for him and our family and even for her and her family. I want the man I love and married back. I know things will never be the same but I at least want the chance, and maybe we can be stronger than ever. I believe with all my heart that what we had was real, even if it is too buried for him to see. My husband is a follower. I think he thinks the grass is greener. I believe in him and his faith in the Lord. My friends tell me to file for divorce and be done with him. I think that is the easy way out. I believe in my marriage and my husband. I am however, realistic about the situation. If he wants out, he will have to file. I will not help him destroy this family. My goal is to save it. Will I ever get my family back together? He is so lost. Please respond and pray for us

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I will pray for you and your family.

 

[Test All Things2]

MBlayton:

I am sorry for your pain and suffering. I was separated from my wife of 25 years two months ago. What is so painful to me is how she turned so hard and far away from me so fast. Like she is not even someone I know let alone someone I have shared so much with. I feel so incomplete and damaged by the loss of her companionship, and she claims her life is better than ever and she love's living apart from me.

I understand your desire to reconcile as I feel the same thing for my wife. I pray for her often, and enlist the prayer of others at every opportunity. There is an army of people praying for my wife. She cannot elude or avoid the power of those prayers. I pray for God to manifest truth within her and reveal himself to her.

My wife claims to be Christian, but her life does not reflect that. I pray and ask God night and day to reveal all the darkness, wickedness and sin in her life to her. To bring awareness of her own sins to her, and the conviction and realization of her need for repentance.

I think of that scripture...."you have not because you ask not" ....well I am asking for God to help her and save her from all her sinfulness. I ask the Holy Father to draw my wife unto him and call her and prompt her in her heart to repent of her sins. I ask God to give her the strength and courage to what is righteous and holy in God's sight.

Ask God to reveal his holiness to your husband, ask God to loose meekness and truth upon your husband. Ask God to remove the distractions and excuses he uses to avoid being the husband he should be to you.

He needs better friends and influence (godly) around him. Pray for God to convert his friend or remove or replace him with godly friends.

Hope that gives you some ideas. And the final thing...have faith in what is righteous my sister. You and him are married, and not him and the "other one." Have confidence and faith in God's power to bring about change in your husband. Put on a faithful attitude and belief in your heart. it is worth a try...that is what I am doing. even when it seems pretty hopeless

I am being like the persistent widow in the bible that keeps going before the judge and demanding justice...she gets it because of her persistance. This scripture is for you sister ........Luke CH 18 1-8

He needs to be transformed from the inside out. By the renewing of his mind, heart and conscience (basis for a prayer). Faith comes by hearing the word. Pray for God to place burdens and convictions upon him to return to God and his word. Ask God to correct him and restore your husband and marriage. Ask God to bring him wisdom and counsel through the presence and power of the Holy Spirit within him.

I bet you can come up with even better prayers than these.

God help and strength my Christian sister in her holy and righteous efforts to restore her marriage and family. I ask and pray for you to bring upon this fallen and sinful husband the awareness of all his sins, and overwhelming conviction upon him as well Holy Father. May there be no escape or distraction from your discipline upon his life, mind, heart and conscience.

See how cool certain words are in prayer? Get creative sister. Prayer is the tool God has given us. Use it!