my husband is mentally ill

[needhislove]

my husband is a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. he is divorced twice before he married me. i have a daughter from a previous relationship. my husband recently ran off to north dakota. (we live in wisconsin) he now wants my daughter and i to move there. we have moved a few times to humor him already. he says he won't move anymore if we go there. my daughter hasn't been in one place long enough to make a lasting friendship for a while now. we both love him, but i feel like i am creating insecurity in my child by moving so much. also, we just signed a one year lease on an apartment. if i broke this one it would be the second in a row (and less than a year) tio be broken because of his running away. i love my husband dearly and love our family, but don't know if it is healthy for my daughter to see so much confusion and so few rational decisions being made. God has blessed me with a wonderful family, but most of them are not close to God and don't hold to the same beliefs as me. all of them seem to think i should leave him. i don't want to, but i am also becoming aware that God may not even recognize my marriage, since my husband was divorced twice when we married. i am so confused. there are too many aspects to this problem for someone with my limited knowledge of scripture to even begin to understand it. all i know for sure is i want to walk the path that God wants me to walk. any advice would be so appreciated.

 

[Rafael]

Why doesn't he come home? Has he a job there? Is he a Christian? There are lots of things that are to be considered, especially your love for your husband. Love is the greatest of things. God forgives past sins for those who repent and ask for forgiveness, so if you can support your husband with love, he should come first in the marriage before the daughter, but again, this depends on how he treats you.
I know others will have some good advice for you, I hope, so give us some more facts. In my opinion, a woman should not have to put up with an abusive relationship, and if a husband abuses and does not repent, a line has to be drawn for the safety and peace of the mother and daughter.

1Co 7:15 (But if the husband or wife who isn’t a Christian insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the Christian husband or wife is not required to stay with them, for God wants his children to live in peace.)

 

[needhislove]

he won't come home because he doesn't think he can get the help for his illness that he can in nd. he lost his job here due to symptoms. yes he treats me very well when he is not symptomatic.i don't know if he is saved. one day he says he is and the next he is saying nasty things about God. i take him to church and one day his hands are outstretched and the next he can't sit still long enough to listen. i realize this is because he is sick. he is on some new meds now that seem to be working well, but for how long i don't know.

 

[Yitzchak]

I think it would be right for you to try to give it a chance.....but not without conditions.......one of the responses to this thread suggested him coming home, some other ideas that come to mind are his getting into joint counseling with you about it, waiting until your lease is up and then joining him which would teach him that you will be faithful to him but there are consequences to his actions and your daughter will not suffer them for him......if he has to wait several months until you move there, maybe he will think twice before doing it again.....

 

[Yitzchak]

I would be very wary of just giving him 100% what he wants immeadiately because although he has an illness, he needs to take accountability for his actions.....if his actions cause problems he needs to bear the share of the burden as much as he can....You don't need to do it in amean way but in a frim way there needs to be some natural consequence that falls upon him or he won't have the incentive to change. It sounds to em like he is having trouble changing these things and some pressure would possibly inspire him to seek the help he needs....
You can reassure him you still love hima nd are beinf faithful as his wife but he will have to wait until your lease is up and you can arrange a move....I wouldn't be surprised if you hold frim to that if he suddenly decides to come back after all......as long as the pattern remains that he says jump and you say how high, then your daughter and you will be hostage to his chaos.....Tell him, he can have a wonderful life together but he needs to do his part and not put his crazy actions upon you and your duaghter....believeme, this method will work far better than a thousand lectures and you will feel much better about it than you would about leaving him....

 

[needhislove]

Thank you Yitzchak for your thoughts. I truely think you have many good points. This is some of the best advice I have gotten . I have actually already been doing this without realizing I think.

 

[Stanfi]

Yitzchack has given some really good advice here. Your husband does need to acknowledge his illness, take responsibility for his actions. He needs to get into a proper couseling program. I think, that he is trying to run away from his problems, instead of acknowledging them. That is why he moves so much. Once he gets into an area, and people start to know him, maybe he senses they know he has a mental illness. He then starts to feel uncomfortable, and wants to leave.


I will say it is admirable for you to stick with him, and love him. If he is is not a Christian, he does need God. They Holy Spirit is "Counsleor", and will help us work through so many of our problems if we will let Him.

 

[TheMainException]

Stay where you are. Chances are, he will end up coming back to you if he loves you. He may just need to sort out some of his problems for a while by himself by force. Pray. Most people hear the word when they want advice and they scoff. Don't, it's the most important thing in your relationship with Christ. Focus on prayer more and just talk with HIM more.

 

[needhislove]

Pray. Most people hear the work when they want advice and scoff. Don't , it's the most important thing in your relationship with Christ. Focus on prayer more and just talk with HIM more.

Thanks for your advice. I know that lately I have been focusing more on my problems than I have on the Lord. I am trying to work on that. No matter how bad it may seem my life is getting, it is more important to remember my relationship with HIM.

 

[desi]

When you married him you made the decision to move with him.

 

[Ashleigh]

Do not leave. For a change, how about thinking about yourself and the child...more importantly, just the child? I don't mean to sound cold or cruel, but is following around insanity going to fix it? No. And why ruin your child in the process. Let her stay in one area, grow, make friends, and learn about herself. I am speaking from experience when I say do not cater to insanity. If you would like to speak more via private messaging, please do.

 

[Ashleigh]

When you married him you made the decision to move with him.

So if he decided to begin beating her, would that be something she also agreed to bear, via the marriage. Please. I don't think so.

Marriage doesn't demand your total obedience. You aren't married to Christ. Don't pretend to be. You need to make the right decision without the archaic views that this one may lead you to.

 

[Yitzchak]

When you married him you made the decision to move with him.

I actually agree with this in principle.....however, as i already stated in my earlier post, there is nothing worng with waiting until the right time to move with respect to your daughter's needs and yours........If your husband wants to move , maybe he could move back and plan the move together or just wait until, you are rerady to join him.....I would reassure your husband that you do indeed want to live together. Just stay firm on the point that it takes time to plan and make a move responsibly when there are children involved......

 

[desi]

So if he decided to begin beating her, would that be something she also agreed to bear, via the marriage. Please. I don't think so.

Marriage doesn't demand your total obedience. You aren't married to Christ. Don't pretend to be. You need to make the right decision without the archaic views that this one may lead you to.

Marriage demands obedience per the Bible. She probably knew this guy was off a bit when she married him, for her to have buyers remorse now is too late.

 

[desi]

I actually agree with this in principle.....however, as i already stated in my earlier post, there is nothing worng with waiting until the right time to move with respect to your daughter's needs and yours........If your husband wants to move , maybe he could move back and plan the move together or just wait until, you are rerady to join him.....I would reassure your husband that you do indeed want to live together. Just stay firm on the point that it takes time to plan and make a move responsibly when there are children involved......

Maybe your'e right.

 

[Ashleigh]

Marriage demands obedience per the Bible. She probably knew this guy was off a bit when she married him, for her to have buyers remorse now is too late.

I see from this post you aren't being reasonable, in my opinion. I will end it here, because I don't think there is anything for me to say to you regarding this that wouldn't be considered rude, or a rule breaker. Good day and God bless.

 

[Wave3Girl]

My uncle has the same illness. I think that you should put your daughter first personally. Just talk to your husband...when he is acting sane...and tell him that you want your lease to run out before you move again. Then i would take this time to just pray and think about the situation more.

 

[needhislove]

Thank you all for your advice and prayers. I saw my husband this weekend and we talked. He is actually thinking about coming back home at the end of the summer. Your advice was God's answer to my prayers. I believe he will come home, since he knows that we will not just drop everything and run with him this time. Once again thank you all and thank God for all of you.