My girlfriend of 2 and a half years dumped me

[TeChNoWC]

We were so in love. But the Lord warned me and I didn't listen. Now I have made restitution for my hidden sins but it is too late. All of a sudden, she just fell out of being in love with me, and it was after a night we were immoral together. We broke up for about two weeks, then we got together again after I God gave me another chance (I blew it) and I had battled to get her back. But two weeks later, it was back to "It's over, God doesn't want us to be together".

It hurts, because we were SO in love. Thing is, she still wants to be good friends. I do to, but I felt one Sunday God telling me to separate from her completely in terms of friendship (even though I still felt God wanting us to be married in the future). That almost made her cry. Well I thought maybe I was feeling slightly passionate and making a rash decision, but I did tell her that I need to back off, and she agreed. I think she's finding it easy now but I'm not so much lol. She still enjoys doing stuff with me and so do I, so much. But as soon as any element of romance creeps in she gets aggro. What do I do? Why is she feeling the way she is? Any advice? I guess I just need to talk with someone about it, because it's so confusing. It was like a big smack in the face. We were talking about marriage and I couldn't wait to move into marriage with her, and now this. On that night I was immoral with her I pretty much proposed to her without a ring, and she said yes. And then bang. Relationship over within about two weeks.

I love her so much.

 

[Criada]

I'm sorry you are going through this... it sounds as though your girlfriend is confused about her feelings for you.
I think it would be a good idea to give one another some space and not see each other for a while, give her a chance to work out her feelings.
God has a plan brother, and if this relationship is not to be, He has something better in store. I know that doesn't help with the pain now, but it is something to hold on to.
Praying for you both.

 

[TeChNoWC]

Thankyou very much for your input... Thing is im in another country at the moment (her country), so I am wondering whether I should go back home or not... The 'baptist' side of me says to go home, cut contact and start an evangelism ministry... The 'prosperity' side of me believes full well she will come back to me if I stand in faith, get into God more, church more and work on my independence here on my own in England... Any thoughts?

It makes it hard not to see her as we work together! Plus she has kids and I don't want to just run out of their lives... I love them too. Her eldest was crying last time I went home.

 

[BlessEwe]

In the terms of my own recovery, basically it applies to most things we encounter. This part stands out to me

The 'baptist' side of me says to go home, cut contact and start an evangelism ministry... The 'prosperity' side of me believes full well she will come back to me if I stand in faith, get into God more, church more and work on my independence here on my own in England...

In order for me to fully be where I needed to be, I had to find my way with God and my own sobriety For me, not for anything/anyone else I had to find my own personal strength with Christ first and know who I am in Christ. Otherwise I am looking for other things to be my strength, and my focus is off of God. My foundation of Christ is weak and at the first sign of trouble ( like say a fight with your girlfriend) It all comes crashing down.

Once your relationship is strong, God will open the doors and you Will know it.


I will also say that I met my husband around your age, we just kept coming back into each others life. We did marry 20 years later.

I also agree with Criada that your girlfriend is confused as well, marriage is very hard work, if it is right God will lead you. But first things need to be quiet so He can direct you both. Your decision of leaving or not is a hard one, but can you stay away when you are tempted by the flesh, pray about it.

God Bless you!

 

[bluelime2]

Something that might help you in this from a womans persepective - women have a big thing with trust. It's probably the biggest issue to them in a relationship. If she doesn't feel she can trust you, she can just decide to cut all ties and move on to someone who she feels she can.
So if you were in a relationship with her and went over the line sexually (although she obviously did too) she's just gotten the message that if you're put under enough temptation, you'll give in. And although that doesn't necessarily seem completly rational when she was party to it, it still acts as a 'trust meter' to her.

I've seen it before where a couple seemed really in love and gave in to temptation and the girl just rejected the guy almost straight afterwards. Not because he was bad in bed or she stopped liking who he was as a person, but because she no longer trusted him enough to want to spend the rest of her life with him. When a woman can't trust a man sexually, how can she trust him in anything else? It's like the ultimate litmus test.

Also a girl can feel really used and 'dirty' after a sexual encounter outside of a permanent commitment - and to be made to feel that way (even if you were equally guilty) from the man you love most in the world - that's also like a slap in the face to a woman. It's sending the message that 'even this guy who I love so much will use me'. And words in themselves don't fix it.

Hope that helps. Apologising to her and proving your trustworthiness over time in the future can help mend the problem (if she gives you the chance) but you'll both definatly need to repent and forgive each other. (Only one doing it isn't enough.)

Sorry to hear you're going through this and all the best with it

God bless

 

[TeChNoWC]

Thanks everyone for your input. A lot has happened since my first post. We ended up falling out as friends, but she wanted to be friends again. At first I said yes but eventually I couldn't handle it and I said no. She didn't like that but she accepted it. Anyway I started to get closer to God and He was healing me, while I kept that slight hope that maybe she will come back. I was starting to feel no longer 'bound' to her but was still in love with her. Eventually God put it on my heart to ring her and I did, and it went fairly well. We sort of started being friends again and, as I work with her, saw her at work etc. She was starting to have a hard time however because she had found out I liked someone else (not in a big way but I was getting friendly with this girl). Well my ex got really jealous and she found it hard to cope, she wanted to leave work and said she had another job lined up but she wouldn't tell me what it was. I handled the situation calmly and lovingly and I think she saw this.

Eventually I went round to her house to see her kids and I could see she was still struggling. We were standing in the kitchen, I was cooking dinner and I just put my arms around her and whispered to her "everything is going to be alright". Well she wouldn't let go and threw her arms around me. Later she asked me to stay and watch a movie and she would order me a taxi. I accepted, and we ended up being physical again. I stayed at her house for 5 days and in that time we just bonded again, and she said she had hope in us getting back together but she wants to do what God wants and she has expectations of me. One of the main ones is that I believe in the prosperity gospel. I'm not sure where I stand with it as of yet. She told me she was still in love with me and hopes that I will be her husband one day. She seems so in love with me yet so adamant in what she is doing. I don't know what to do. I told her we would try... I want to so much I love her to bits I can't describe how much I love her. But when those five days ended, we ended up discussing the prosperity thing again and I started feeling insecure like I had wrecked her hopes. She said no but it does worry her. Now we seem like we are back to where we started and I feel heartbroken again and desperate to get her back. I just want that old her back that i saw over that 5 days, the committed, loving one. Sometimes she shows it but other times she says she has to be firm. One of the things that helped is that I kind of agreed with what she was doing, but now she thinks I am trying to argue with her again. I fear she is losing hope but then that makes me think is this really worth it. But then I remember how much I love her and how much she loves me. How can we let go of that? I saw it in her face, in her eyes. I know I have to fight for her. It's just hard.

 

[bluelime2]

Sex will continue to damage your relationship because it'll blow up trust issues as fast as you can fix them. If you can't stand against the temptation then just break up and keep it purely to a friendship level until she's ready to marry you. It's a habit that can just keep sucking you down into more and more fights and breakups until it's permanent. You need to have her respect and for that you need to be able to resist temptation with her, I can't stress enough how important this issue is.

Outside of that I'm sorry you're going through all the heartache. And in regards to the prosperity doctrine thing, 'how can two walk together unless they are agreed'. It can be like marrying someone within a different denomination. That can cause a lot of trouble later on when God is the most important thing in your life and something you've fought very hard for.

Hope it all works out.

Prayers going up for you

 

[applehead]

im sorry . i wanted to work so bad...

 

[Criada]

Hi sweetie, welcome to CF

 

[applehead]

Hi, thanks for the welcome