My girlfriend broke up with me.... Now what?

[Sinner and a saint]

So me and this girl had been dating for almost 7 months. We had been friends for over a year before we started dating. We were best friends leading up to dating and through it. We had a few rough spots, we argued a semi-regularly. I tended to be a little insecure in myself, which manifested itself in that I was sometimes a bit overbearing and jealous, maybe even borderline possessive. She had some anger issues, and maybe some blaming issues too.

So a few days ago we started arguing and it ended with her basically saying that she still loved me but she couldn't take dating me right now because I was too possessive and that I needed to grow and I was hurting her. I didn't realize I was that bad. But we broke up and I haven't talked to her since. We go to the same church so I'll still see her around.

But my question is this, how can I act in the best way so as to give me a chance to get back together with her. I don't wanna go begging to her or asking for another chance because I don't think that's the best thing to do. But I do want to sit down and talk to her. What should I say? I know that I should put myself in the mindset of it being over for good. But it's really hard to do that and I can't help but hope.

Thanks!

 

[Pal Handy]

So me and this girl had been dating for almost 7 months. We had been friends for over a year before we started dating. We were best friends leading up to dating and through it. We had a few rough spots, we argued a semi-regularly. I tended to be a little insecure in myself, which manifested itself in that I was sometimes a bit overbearing and jealous, maybe even borderline possessive. She had some anger issues, and maybe some blaming issues too.

So a few days ago we started arguing and it ended with her basically saying that she still loved me but she couldn't take dating me right now because I was too possessive and that I needed to grow and I was hurting her. I didn't realize I was that bad. But we broke up and I haven't talked to her since. We go to the same church so I'll still see her around.

But my question is this, how can I act in the best way so as to give me a chance to get back together with her. I don't wanna go begging to her or asking for another chance because I don't think that's the best thing to do. But I do want to sit down and talk to her. What should I say? I know that I should put myself in the mindset of it being over for good. But it's really hard to do that and I can't help but hope.

Thanks!

Let her go.
Put her in God's hands.
Pray for her and ask God to give her His best for her life.

Pray and ask God to change you and make you into a person
who is more Christ like.

Give your life to the Lord and ask Him to order your life the
way He wants and to cause you to grow.

Take a break from this relationship and find new interests and
trust that as you put her and yourself in God's hands, your life
will be blessed and if it is meant to be, God will cause it to work out.

Don't try to "get her back" because that is being possessive.

Don't intentionally distance yourself either but be balanced
in your relationship at church and realize that God must come first
in each of your lives if you are ever to find Godly contentment
in this world.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Seven months will one day seem like an incredibly short stint of time to you. This was a learning experience. Move on from her and maybe go to counseling to deal with the insecurity issues so they don't sabotage your next relationship like they did with this one. She sounds like she has some growing up to do, as well. Healthy relationships are not full of arguing and/or drama like this.

 

[BFine]

I would say it would be wise if you worked on your "issues" before you
pursue another relationship.

Take the necessary steps to correcting your behavior, spend time
building a solid personal relationship with the Lord first.
Make a sincere apology to her for how you acted toward her that
caused her to take offence. This should be done with no strings attached.
You aren't there to demand that she should reciprocate...you are taking
responsibility for your wrong actions.

The new improved you will reflect outwardly and the maturity you show
should become evident to her and others. A Christian male who
can conduct himself appropriately is a "drawing card."

 

[parsley]

Your first step of giving her space is right. Now listen to what she said, and see if there are things that need changing.

Notice how hard it is to let go. Everyone has this when breaking up from 7 months. But add this to symptoms of being possessive, and you've got double the frustration. Figure out what it is about yourself that likes everything locked in place, or micromanages people, or is afraid of losing people you love. There are pros and cons to these traits, and your ex has made it evident that the balance is not workable for her.

A Christian male who can conduct himself appropriately is a "drawing card."

Definitely. Notice how people who are calm and confident attract. Resist the temptation to let fears carry you away from people you like.

 

[gideon123]

"but she couldn't take dating me right now because I was too possessive and that I needed to grow and I was hurting her"

You've obviously dating a polite Christian woman.
She is telling you what to do - but your primeval man-brain isn't getting the message.

Should I spell it out for you?
You're a CONTROL freak.
Sorry - but that is the usual translation for what's she's telling you.

You need to stop bossing her around.
You need to stop telling her what to do, and where to go all the time.

I suggest that you take a Bible, sit on top of a hill (or your garage roof), contemplate your navel, and ruminate on this old adage:

"If you love something ... set it free"

When the light dawns, then go and talk to her.
DON'T bother her ... until the light dawns.

gideon123

 

[jsimms615]

If I were you I would back off and give her some space. If those feelings are still there later then maybe you can get back together.

 

[DreamerOfHearts]

So me and this girl had been dating for almost 7 months. We had been friends for over a year before we started dating. We were best friends leading up to dating and through it. We had a few rough spots, we argued a semi-regularly. I tended to be a little insecure in myself, which manifested itself in that I was sometimes a bit overbearing and jealous, maybe even borderline possessive. She had some anger issues, and maybe some blaming issues too.

So a few days ago we started arguing and it ended with her basically saying that she still loved me but she couldn't take dating me right now because I was too possessive and that I needed to grow and I was hurting her. I didn't realize I was that bad. But we broke up and I haven't talked to her since. We go to the same church so I'll still see her around.

But my question is this, how can I act in the best way so as to give me a chance to get back together with her. I don't wanna go begging to her or asking for another chance because I don't think that's the best thing to do. But I do want to sit down and talk to her. What should I say? I know that I should put myself in the mindset of it being over for good. But it's really hard to do that and I can't help but hope.

Thanks!

A secure guy is secure because he knows he is "all that" for a girl. He does not think anything about her having friends with other guys, because he knows she knows he is "all that".

That is power, and women like that.

Man bars, do not proliferate, because it puts men in the position of being powerless.

Women are attracted to confidence.

 

[ChrisHolland619]

It sounds like you're a control freak and she need some breathing room.

Listen, we've all (most of us, anyway) been there. I've been told that before too, and it got me broken up with in the past. Just deal with it. BUT LISTEN TO HER. If she says that, the next woman will too. CHANGE! Realize that she is a BLESSING, not a RIGHT!

 

[Ark100]

Agree with jsimms615
Give her space. When someone decides to break up with you, and they did. The last thing you want to do is to go after them, to beg and to try to reason. Don't
Give them space.
Say hi if you see her in church but don't ask to sit down and talk about the relationship.
If its meant to be, it will be. If it's not, then God has a better plan for you.
It may be hard to do, but try to restrain yourself.
Maybe in being yourself, and doing your own thing, she will come back to her senses if she still cares about you.

 

[paul1149]

Respect her wishes, and whatever boundaries she sets, and concentrate on being a true friend to her, as much as she is comfortable with. The possessiveness stuff is poison.

 

[brohammer26]

Sometimes we cannot control these things. I know in the past with previous girlfriends I had instances where I tried to be the nicest guy possible and they took lik I wa an ahole for some reason and stop talking to me.. and it made no sense whatsoever. What I am trying to say is no matter what we cant control this stuff...sometimes it is just not meant to be.

 

[Jupiter Drops]

So me and this girl had been dating for almost 7 months. We had been friends for over a year before we started dating. We were best friends leading up to dating and through it. We had a few rough spots, we argued a semi-regularly. I tended to be a little insecure in myself, which manifested itself in that I was sometimes a bit overbearing and jealous, maybe even borderline possessive. She had some anger issues, and maybe some blaming issues too.

So a few days ago we started arguing and it ended with her basically saying that she still loved me but she couldn't take dating me right now because I was too possessive and that I needed to grow and I was hurting her. I didn't realize I was that bad. But we broke up and I haven't talked to her since. We go to the same church so I'll still see her around.

But my question is this, how can I act in the best way so as to give me a chance to get back together with her. I don't wanna go begging to her or asking for another chance because I don't think that's the best thing to do. But I do want to sit down and talk to her. What should I say? I know that I should put myself in the mindset of it being over for good. But it's really hard to do that and I can't help but hope.

Thanks!

To be honest, if you try to get too close to wild fire, you'll burn.

We all know this, yet we 'pretend' not to. You see what I'm saying?

Impatience and impulsiveness will lead to nowhere.

Don't just try to jump into getting back with her. What good will it do if you do? Will it be a God-honoring relationship or a Self-centered relationship?

My pastor once told me that if a girl says no, the guy should just move on without any regrets or looking back. Lot's wife looked back and she turned into a pillar of salt.

It's better to think about God now and focus on what you should do to honor and obey God rather than focusing on your relationship with your ex. Surrender your desires to God, all your good and bad, in exchange for a brighter and better future in Him alone. Then He will show you more than what you could ever hope for.