My friend...

[oneandlonely]

I am worried sick about a friend of mine. She told me yesterday that she wants to looses 20 pounds by october and to do it she is going to stop eating. She knows that I struggle with this, so I tried to talk to her a little and ask her why she felt that way. She says that she wants the attention of guys at her school, and she has seen hom much weight I have lost by not eating so she is going to do it.

I am really, really scared for her. I don't want for her to suffer like I am. I don't want her to start this. she tells me that she will be able to control it and will stop after that 20 pounds, but I said those same things years ago.

I want to help her, but I don't want to trigger her more.

Should I tell my youth pastor or sponsors so that they can talk to her? I am scared that I will say something that will make her want it more.

I want to help her, i just don't know what to do!

any thoughts ?

Bethany

 

[blessedmomof5]

Bethany,
sorry if the typing is off, its either mt eyes or to early, but i am going with my eyes....
ok now can i ask, does your friend need to lose the weight? i do not see other people as heavy, even though i am thin, i do not look at asomeone and say wow look at her, never crosses my mind, the reason why i am asking that is just to see how you view others, so when you answered my question you were accurate...hope that makes sense....

now i do not think most anorexics wake up one morning and say hmmm this is the day i will start to starve myself to death.......NOT eating is a heard thing to even begin, let alone contunie unless there are underlying issues, imo. it's not about the eating,the way most people think its something underlying there and surfacing itself in that form.....still hope i am making sense...

now i would not make your disease at all sound glamarous, tell her how hard things are for you, and do not give her any ideas.....and see how shes doing mentally, if she does start to starve herself then you should either tell youth pastor or tell you will tell the youth pastor, but remeber be there for her....
boy hope that all made sense i am tired....
Denise

 

[oneandlonely]

Thanks Denise

My friend is not overweight at all. she is atually quite skinny. I have a habit of comparing myself to other girls, so for my to say she is skinny really means something.

I know what you mean, I don't think that anyone chooses to have an ED. I agree with you there. Not eating is not something that is easy, there has to be an underlying isusses there. that is why I have been asking her why she is thinking this way

i am worried that she has already started to really cut back on food intake. the last time I saw her, she ask me if i had been eating alright (she has been kinda holding me accountable for it) and I was honest with her and told her no, then she told me that she had not ate at all that day and just had a bowl of oatmeal the day before. and then she went into how she felt she needed to loose weight. So I am kinda worried about her

I have told her that living like this is not fun, it is not pretty, and it is not at all easy. But she said she didn't care. that worried me.

Thanks

Bethany

 

[blessedmomof5]

Bethany,

I would tell someone, or at least tell her you are bc you are worried about her and do not want her to be in the frame of mind you are in....does she attend your church and know your youth pastor? if so, maybe the 3 of you could meet? just an idea.......good luck, i find it hard to fix me.....but i also think its easier to set aside yourself for the sake of others, takes your mind off of what going on with you........

In Christ

Denise

 

[oneandlonely]

Bethany,

I would tell someone, or at least tell her you are bc you are worried about her and do not want her to be in the frame of mind you are in....does she attend your church and know your youth pastor? if so, maybe the 3 of you could meet? just an idea.......good luck, i find it hard to fix me.....but i also think its easier to set aside yourself for the sake of others, takes your mind off of what going on with you........

In Christ

Denise

Well I just sent her an email explaining why I am worried, and the ugly side of EDs. I didn't give her any ideas, I just explained what it does to you, and that it is not something that is pretty.

Yeah, she knows my youth pastor, she and I go to the same church. I am going to wait and see how she reacts to this email, and I might give it a few weeks to see how she is doing, but if she gets any worse, I will most likely say something to Mike (youth pastor). I am scared for her, and I dont' want for her to get to where i am.

Thanks for the advice

Bethany

 

[blessedmomof5]

Bethany, it is wonderful for you to be thinking of her, she is Blessed to have a friend that really cares.....now remmber the longer you wait to see how she gets, the harder it is to return to a stable weight or even to get help......just a thought to put in your head, i would not wait a couple of weeks i would wait less. If she is really not eating it willl not take weeks for you to recongize the symptoms.........

 

[oneandlonely]

Bethany, it is wonderful for you to be thinking of her, she is Blessed to have a friend that really cares.....now remmber the longer you wait to see how she gets, the harder it is to return to a stable weight or even to get help......just a thought to put in your head, i would not wait a couple of weeks i would wait less. If she is really not eating it willl not take weeks for you to recongize the symptoms.........

yeah, you are very right. So should I tell someone the moment that I notice her getting worse?

 

[blessedmomof5]

see for me this is a hard thing to answer, bc i am not in treatment, even though thats where i need to be, now i am MUCH older than you, and my ed came back at the age of 42, now being an adult you would think that i would understand all the consquences of not getting help, and the longer i wait, and with all my problems i have with my heart bc of this Ed i would have RAN at the first sign of it.....but i didn't and i still resist it, and it is getting worse. so you see i feel that if you get past that point it is so hard to get back and see the bigger picture......am i making sense again? i think wait a week and see if she is truley starving herself you willl see it, watch her you must see her often, and she how she reacts to food, and maybe you can try to be a GOOD example for her? just a thought.......

 

[oneandlonely]

Maybe I am over reacting, but I thought it through, and now that I think about it, I should have seen the signs sooner. my friend has been eating considerably less, for a while. I honestly don't know why it didn't click sooner. I should have seen it. I mean, for quite a while all she talked about was how she "feels fat" and how she needed to loose weight. and you know, last spring she was the first to notice that I don't eat. She started checking up on me, and a few times she told me that she wanted to eat like me so that she could loose weight. I always told her that it was not a good thing and she didn't want to try it, but she would always say "yeah Bethany, i really do. I am to fat." I remember a few times she told me that she didn't care how unhealthily it was as long as she would be skinny.

I should have seen the signs weeks ago when she would tell me that she didn't eat much that week, but for some reason it didn't click. I feel kinda at fault here. I mean, she most likely got the idea from me. and I should have noticed the signs in her.

So after praying about it and thinking it through. I deiced the best thing to do was to tell our youth pastor. Maybe he, or one of the girl sponsors can talk to her. I don't want her to struggle with this.

so I emailed Mike (youth pastor) about it. Told him the signs I have seen. What she has said to me. Basically why I am worried. Maybe I am being paranoid... But I don't think so with some of the things she has said to me...

so yeah, I hope that she is not to upset with me, and that things work out. *sigh* thanks for the advice.

Bethany

 

[blessedmomof5]

Bethany,

you did the right thing, you are trying to save a friend. proud of you, and i hope she isn't mad at you, and realizes you only had concern for her....

Denise

 

[oneandlonely]

quick update.

Mike emailed me back. he said that I did the right thing in telling him, because now he can keep an eye out for her and pray for her. But he also said that I can't expect for her to stop, when i am still doing it. Because she sees me as a role model. He said that I need to start eating better so that she will. And I see what he is saying, but I am just really struggling right now. I don't know if it is going to be that smiple. I am scared to start eating again, and gain weight. I am scared to gain weight. I don't know. i just feel awful about all of this. I mean, I just feel kinda at fault now. I mean, I know I am not totaly to blame, but I am at least partly.

Bethany