My friend being used?

Onlythingavailable · Dec 8, 2006

I know that you're hurting, but there's a few things I think you should consider. The first is try to understand why she did what she did. I don't necessarily mean what she needed the money for, but why she lied and used you. I don't know her background, but people who do that tend to be rather unhappy. This isn't, of course, any excuse for her behavior. I've found thinking like this helps to forgive and not hate people who wrong you.

This incident has probably taught you a lot. In the future you will be much more on the look out for people with dishonest motives. But I think it would be a mistake if you let this turn you into an angry and extremely suspicious person. It might end up making you very lonely in the long run, even if you avoid being hurt.

When we are hurt we want to lash out, but does it ever help? You say you want to get back at someone else who has hurt you, but will that improve things? Will you gain something from becoming an aggressive person? I know these are hard questions, but I don't think tossing out the New Testament is going to make life better or easier. On the contrary, it might even make it worse.

thenewageriseth · Dec 8, 2006

Yeah but I don't want to befriend everyone. They have to earn my friendship...and I don't want to love enemies

Not the whole New Testament, but only the ones that say I should love my enemies and love everyone-some ppl don't deserve love...but on the other hand...they could get love if they never been bad in the first place...

prez · Dec 8, 2006

Brotherly love...

BelindaP · Dec 8, 2006

I think maybe you misunderstand what Jesus meant by loving your enemies. Loving them doesn't mean you have to like them. It just means that you have to put away your ill will toward them.

I know you are really angry right now. I would be, too, especially if a friend got me in dutch with my folks and I had to pay out $200, as well.

It's OK to get angry, especially if somebody has genuinely wronged you. What you do about it is a whole other matter. Hating isn't going to help anything, and it uses up too much energy to be worth it. It would be better to use your energy some other way, perhaps helping out people who really need it, like at a soup kitchen or something.

Your friend will reap what she sows. Just stay clear when the bomb hits so you don't get caught in the blast zone. I expect she will come crawling to you at some point in the near future talking about how she's a changed person and sooo sorry. The best response would be:

a) tell her where to get off
b) buy into the whole story and get hooked again
c) invite her to church

thenewageriseth · Dec 8, 2006

BelindaP said:
I think maybe you misunderstand what Jesus meant by loving your enemies. Loving them doesn't mean you have to like them. It just means that you have to put away your ill will toward them.

BelindaP said:
I know you are really angry right now. I would be, too, especially if a friend got me in dutch with my folks and I had to pay out $200, as well.

It's OK to get angry, especially if somebody has genuinely wronged you. What you do about it is a whole other matter. Hating isn't going to help anything, and it uses up too much energy to be worth it. It would be better to use your energy some other way, perhaps helping out people who really need it, like at a soup kitchen or something.

Your friend will reap what she sows. Just stay clear when the bomb hits so you don't get caught in the blast zone. I expect she will come crawling to you at some point in the near future talking about how she's a changed person and sooo sorry. The best response would be:

a) tell her where to get off
b) buy into the whole story and get hooked again
c) invite her to church

Hah thanks, actually the best response is to say to her "Go jump" or "con someone else".

Church? Pfft. Nothing's gonna save her but a kick to da behind. And I hope her bf get wise and dump that girl.
As for the hating. You are right. But my mother kept bringing up off and on even when she said she was done talking about the situation. My brother also said it does no good to hang on to it. That way we are letting her win.
But, on the other hand, I would like to see her life fall to pieces and let the cookies crumble, because she deserves it. As far as I am concerned and the way I see it, that anyone that hates on me, or shuns, or ignores me in any way deserves a stinky life, because of their persona. I am a nice person. But...I don't have to be nice. Really...

BelindaP · Dec 8, 2006

I'm sure that she does need a kick in the behind. God will supply it at some point, no doubt.

I can tell you from experience, though, that when she gets her comeuppance, you will feel guilty for having wished it upon her. Sometimes God's kick in the butt is actually a hard right hook.

For right now, work out your anger by drawing mustaches on her pictures, or whatever floats your boat. In the end, you will have to forgive her. Rememeber that we are forgiven in the same measure that we forgive others. We all deserve to burn in hell, but fortunately God does forgive, even when we really screw up.

Ruby Moon · Dec 9, 2006

I'm sorry, but you shouldn't wish harm to anyone, you should want her life to get better, so she would come a better person. No one deserves their life to fall to pieces even bad people. No matter how bad someone is they still deep down have some good in them. I could never wish harm on anyone, I wish my cousins would fall out of jealously, and they did, I feel bad for it, even though they are talking to me now that they aren't rich and popular. Wishing harm on others is not good, Or are letting her win by holding in you're anger and hating. You're letting evil and the devil win, she used you, I know, but so what move on with your life, keeping in this hate will only destory you, let it all go away, draw and do your art, try to work on your life and not what some girl did to you. People have done crap to me, I HAVE A friend who whines about being ignored but ignores me, i have people on other forums of accuse me of things, I been judged, hated and all of this. I have been used to, and do I hate the people who do it no? the friend who is ignoring me now is hurting me but I don't hate her, I sometimes think she has a huge ego but I forget her and move on. A woman on a transgender forum gave me bad karma, for not having a a Wonderful reason to give her karma, I'm sorry but I just gave her a smile, because I didn't know the reason, I felt what she did was a mean thing. She seem like a nice person to! It goes to show you, you never know how someone really is. I don't care if someone don't like me, but don't give me bad karma if I don't deserve it. Sadly, I left that forum out of alot of pain, over something silly. it was a mod too, I had to give out a long reason, to why I give out karma. I gave people short comments on here and never got in trouble, I can't think of long reasons to give out reps. my brain don't work that way, so yah people are rude to me to, its the way of life and we gotta deal with it sadly. This isn't the first time you been hurt and its not going to be the last, you don't need to close you're self up, or you never know what you might find. And wishing harm to people, even people who don't see you as important is not good, we aren't hear to serve you, you're not GOD. And if people don't want to talk to you, its their right, they don't deserve a stinky life because of that. No one is more special then anyone else. No one has to earn any friendships, its something given not earn, we don't deserve anything, because in the end we are all the same. We are all GOD'S children, and the only way to find love is through GOD, we love and trust him first then we will be able to find real love, you get upset because it seems GOD ignores you, well, you hold true bitterness towards him, he isn't going to help you when you have nothing but bitterness on him. He will feel sad, you need to let go of all you're bitterness then you will feel better, you also need to know it isn't about you, and let down you're ego some. Because in the end no one has to give you attention or be your friend, its their choice and their choice don't make them a bad person. Cherish and love the friends you have, and don't ask for world popularity, and also don't ignore people if you don't want to be ignore because that will make you a hypocrite. sorry if I'm too blunt, I just know you personally and only want to help but I feel you don't care.

Amin · Dec 9, 2006

Ruby Moon said:
you don't need to stop being a good girl, because you don't want to end up like her. People will do you wrong, its how they are. I was on gaiaonline and this girl accused me of scamming her and even close down her thread, all over a stupid mistake I made, she was wrong and so is this girl, they seem to only care for themselves. We don't need to stop being kind because of that. My sister did the same to my mom, and she is still kind. Kindness is important and is the best even if we are used. In the end they will pay more then us. I'm very very sorry, and hope you fine true friends.

Hi,
Newage, I think Ruby is right.
You don't have to stop being a kind person, you just have to find out more about someone before you decide to be their friend.

I'm sorry but you were being used, and someone that uses you under the disguise
of friendship, is no friend at all. She actually likes you because of what you can do for her, that's not friendship.

From what i hear you want friends, but at what price do you want them?

You're not stupid. People every day find themselves in this situation.
You were good and kind hearted.
There's nothing wrong with that if it's directed in the proper direction.

I'd definitely let her find someone else to pay her fines or anything else she may have to pay.

You're in no way obligated to her.
I hope you find the friends you desire, and also, whoever said, do a make over for yourself, not for gaining attention.

When someone likes you for who YOU are,
They will indeed be a friend.
Bless You.
Chuck.

thenewageriseth · Dec 10, 2006

Amin said:
Hi,

Amin said:
Newage, I think Ruby is right.
You don't have to stop being a kind person, you just have to find out more about someone before you decide to be their friend.

Right. She's right I suppose. My parents told me the same thing: Find out more about her. Next time, I'm going to have to strengthen the strategies of finding out more about someone...

I'm sorry but you were being used, and someone that uses you under the disguise of friendship, is no friend at all. She actually likes you because of what you can do for her, that's not friendship.

From what i hear you want friends, but at what price do you want them?

I want friends I can trust. The only ones I know of are the ones who live out of state.

You're not stupid. People every day find themselves in this situation.
You were good and kind hearted.
There's nothing wrong with that if it's directed in the proper direction.

Yup. She doesn't deserve anyone nice like me. Nor does she deserve a bf. Perhaps there will be a rift between the two, and he'll see how lousy a friend she is possible to be and leave her! *wishful thinking* My bad, lol

I'd definitely let her find someone else to pay her fines or anything else she may have to pay.

She can starve for all I care. Sorry don't mean to sound mean.

You're in no way obligated to her.
I hope you find the friends you desire, and also, whoever said, do a make over for yourself, not for gaining attention.

Right. She saw me as an easy target. I hope the friendship in the ministries will work out, cuz even if a person is a Christian they could be the wolf in sheep's clothing for all we know.

When someone likes you for who YOU are,
They will indeed be a friend.
Bless You.
Chuck.

No, bless you.

thenewageriseth · Dec 10, 2006

Ruby Moon said:
I'm sorry, but you shouldn't wish harm to anyone, you should want her life to get better, so she would come a better person. No one deserves their life to fall to pieces even bad people. No matter how bad someone is they still deep down have some good in them. I could never wish harm on anyone, I wish my cousins would fall out of jealously, and they did, I feel bad for it, even though they are talking to me now that they aren't rich and popular.

I can care less what happens in her life. Good or bad. I just hope her life isn't better than mine. Bad people
don't deserve happiness...maybe help...not happiness

Wishing harm on others is not good, Or are letting her win by holding in you're anger and hating. You're letting evil and the devil win, she used you, I know, but so what move on with your life, keeping in this hate will only destory you, let it all go away, draw and do your art, try to work on your life and not what some girl did to you.

I know.

People have done crap to me, I HAVE A friend who whines about being ignored but ignores me, i have people on other forums of accuse me of things, I been judged, hated and all of this. I have been used to, and do I hate the people who do it no? the friend who is ignoring me now is hurting me but I don't hate her, I sometimes think she has a huge ego but I forget her and move on. A woman on a transgender forum gave me bad karma, for not having a a Wonderful reason to give her karma, I'm sorry but I just gave her a smile, because I didn't know the reason, I felt what she did was a mean thing. She seem like a nice person to! It goes to show you, you never know how someone really is. I don't care if someone don't like me, but don't give me bad karma if I don't deserve it. Sadly, I left that forum out of alot of pain, over something silly. it was a mod too, I had to give out a long reason, to why I give out karma. I gave people short comments on here and never got in trouble, I can't think of long reasons to give out reps. my brain don't work that way, so yah people are rude to me to, its the way of life and we gotta deal with it sadly. This isn't the first time you been hurt and its not going to be the last, you don't need to close you're self up, or you never know what you might find.

I just want it to come to me. I'm going to stop searching for whatever IT is and let IT come to me.

[quote]
And wishing harm to people, even people who don't see you as important is not good, we aren't hear to serve you, you're not GOD. And if people don't want to talk to you, its their right, they don't deserve a stinky life because of that. No one is more special then anyone else. No one has to earn any friendships, its something given not earn, we don't deserve anything, because in the end we are all the same. [/quote]

I'm not God, But being ignored and for people to not like me hurts.
It always has hurt me. Nice people like me seem to finish last, usually. I wish I could be more cool about those things, but I'm not right now and it could take a helluva long time to be cool about it. I'm a good person, I deserve happiness and for certain people to like me. I hate it when people I know like other people that I know, don't like me. That is SOOO annoying and frustrating! As if life could not be more maddining! >_<

We are all GOD'S children, and the only way to find love is through GOD, we love and trust him first then we will be able to find real love, you get upset because it seems GOD ignores you, well, you hold true bitterness towards him, he isn't going to help you when you have nothing but bitterness on him. He will feel sad, you need to let go of all you're bitterness then you will feel better, you also need to know it isn't about you, and let down you're ego some. Because in the end no one has to give you attention or be your friend, its their choice and their choice don't make them a bad person. Cherish and love the friends you have, and don't ask for world popularity, and also don't ignore people if you don't want to be ignore because that will make you a hypocrite. sorry if I'm too blunt, I just know you personally and only want to help but I feel you don't care.

I don't ask for popularity I just ask for respect. I don't mean to ignore anyone. if I do maybe it's because of my busy schedule and a mistake. My bad if I did.
Thank you for your input, but life is much stressful without the complication of human relationships.

Ruby Moon · Dec 11, 2006

thenewageriseth said:
I can care less what happens in her life. Good or bad. I just hope her life isn't better than mine. Bad people
don't deserve happiness...maybe help...not happiness

I know.

I just want it to come to me. I'm going to stop searching for whatever IT is and let IT come to me.

[quote]
And wishing harm to people, even people who don't see you as important is not good, we aren't hear to serve you, you're not GOD. And if people don't want to talk to you, its their right, they don't deserve a stinky life because of that. No one is more special then anyone else. No one has to earn any friendships, its something given not earn, we don't deserve anything, because in the end we are all the same.

I'm not God, But being ignored and for people to not like me hurts.
It always has hurt me. Nice people like me seem to finish last, usually. I wish I could be more cool about those things, but I'm not right now and it could take a helluva long time to be cool about it. I'm a good person, I deserve happiness and for certain people to like me. I hate it when people I know like other people that I know, don't like me. That is SOOO annoying and frustrating! As if life could not be more maddining! >_<

I don't ask for popularity I just ask for respect. I don't mean to ignore anyone. if I do maybe it's because of my busy schedule and a mistake. My bad if I did.
Thank you for your input, but life is much stressful without the complication of human relationships.
[/quote]

well, we all make mistakes, so you're forgiven. you're not perfect and probley don't mean to harm people. I'll show you some stuff from GOD'S word and explain it for you.

Matthew 5:43 (New International Version)

Love for Enemies

43"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor[a] and hate your enemy.
44But I tell you: Love your enemies[a] and pray for those who persecute you,

Love doesn't mean you gotta feel all gushy about them, it means basically to leave them alone, and don't wish harm to them, the only person you're hurting when you wish harm to others is yourself. Hating won't make the pain go away, forgive and forget won't either, but if you forgive and love them you will feel more peaceful. Love in not wanting to be their friend, but just leaving them alone and forgiving them.

Luke 6:27 (New International Version)

27"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,

there were some other verses, but I can't find them. The preacher at church was preaching about enemies sunday, he said we need to turn the other cheek, he knows its hard, but hating them and hurting them is only hurting us, My enemies are my step parents, and some other people, but I don't wish harm to them at all. It will get me nothing in the end.

this will sound odd but everyone deserves happiness and its not our right to say they don't, we don't know why they are the way they are. Hurt people, hurt people, she is hurting.

Ruby Moon · Dec 11, 2006

thenewageriseth said:
Right. She's right I suppose. My parents told me the same thing: Find out more about her. Next time, I'm going to have to strengthen the strategies of finding out more about someone...

I want friends I can trust. The only ones I know of are the ones who live out of state.

Yup. She doesn't deserve anyone nice like me. Nor does she deserve a bf. Perhaps there will be a rift between the two, and he'll see how lousy a friend she is possible to be and leave her! *wishful thinking* My bad, lol

She can starve for all I care. Sorry don't mean to sound mean.

Right. She saw me as an easy target. I hope the friendship in the ministries will work out, cuz even if a person is a Christian they could be the wolf in sheep's clothing for all we know.

No, bless you.

yes, and that is sad, she took some innocence and young and used them to get drugs, I doubt she even had traffic tickets.

drugs is what is ruining her life, and her boyfriend is probley just as bad. They probley so hooked on drugs they can't see the light

I think GOD saved you by you losing her friendship, she was bad news, but we need to forgive even if we can't forget

forgiveness comes in time, and you will forgive her in time

thenewageriseth · Dec 11, 2006

Ruby Moon said:
I'm not God, But being ignored and for people to not like me hurts.

Ruby Moon said:
It always has hurt me. Nice people like me seem to finish last, usually. I wish I could be more cool about those things, but I'm not right now and it could take a helluva long time to be cool about it. I'm a good person, I deserve happiness and for certain people to like me. I hate it when people I know like other people that I know, don't like me. That is SOOO annoying and frustrating! As if life could not be more maddining! >_<

I don't ask for popularity I just ask for respect. I don't mean to ignore anyone. if I do maybe it's because of my busy schedule and a mistake. My bad if I did.
Thank you for your input, but life is much stressful without the complication of human relationships.

well, we all make mistakes, so you're forgiven. you're not perfect and probley don't mean to harm people. I'll show you some stuff from GOD'S word and explain it for you.

Matthew 5:43 (New International Version)

Love for Enemies

43"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor[a] and hate your enemy.
44But I tell you: Love your enemies[a] and pray for those who persecute you,

Love doesn't mean you gotta feel all gushy about them, it means basically to leave them alone, and don't wish harm to them, the only person you're hurting when you wish harm to others is yourself. Hating won't make the pain go away, forgive and forget won't either, but if you forgive and love them you will feel more peaceful. Love in not wanting to be their friend, but just leaving them alone and forgiving them.

That's true, too. I gotta remember that. And wishing stuff on her, makes it worse for me, esp if I were to put a spell on her lol. Karma-what goes around, comes around...
I'll leave her alone and forget about it LOL

Luke 6:27 (New International Version)

27"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,

I thought about this; and I used this concept in my novel series-the concept? Will being a friend to your enemy actually make your enemy become your friend? Does that concept work in real life? I wrote that my main character did that-I am so not like her lol

there were some other verses, but I can't find them. The preacher at church was preaching about enemies sunday, he said we need to turn the other cheek, he knows its hard, but hating them and hurting them is only hurting us, My enemies are my step parents, and some other people, but I don't wish harm to them at all. It will get me nothing in the end.

That's true. Grudges suck. Nothing but heartache.

this will sound odd but everyone deserves happiness and its not our right to say they don't, we don't know why they are the way they are. Hurt people, hurt people, she is hurting.

Well, I understand that even a wee-otch like her deserves more love. LOL Not sure if her bf is giving her enough love. And no, sex every weekend doesn't count.

Yes, yes, point well taken. Hurt people do hurt people. I've heard that one. Word up. It makes me wonder-perhaps she has been used herself, in the past.? She also, I think, sometimes has it out with her somewhat emotionally tweaked, somewhat brutal dude of a dad when he gets mad at her. I have to admit I actually DO feel sorry for her-but that is all I am saying at this point. No sense wasting energy thinking about this chick, since she did me wrong, right? I do hope that one day she realize how horrible she had been towards me with those charges. Doubt she ever will...

Ruby Moon · Dec 11, 2006

I think its hard to be friends with your enemie, I couldn't do it, just live your life, and let her live her life. If she is in the wrong karma will get her, what goes around comes around.

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