My First Post Here..It's Raning

[ForHisGlory]

Well how appropriate that it would be pouring out this morning..on what would be my fathers 68th birthday.
Why would I feel a sadness and a loneliness for him is beyond me. Would I have picked up the phone today to call my aunt to have her tell him Happy Birthday?
Yes the rain is appropriate..like the cleansing of sin, the cleansing of forgiveness.

Is it coincidence that I'd be asked if I'd rather Moderate the Recovery area, it it coincidence that I've stayed out of that area until last night?

Yes I need to be there, I need to keep immersing myself in helping those who've been through what I have...I'm ready to begin it here, where people know me.
Today I feel the need to post there though...

Once I said I wondered of he ever asked forgiveness from God, Once I said I wonder when the phone will ring for him to ask forgiveness from me.
After he died I got my answer to the second part, I still wonder about the first.
At one point I said it didn't matter anymore and why should I even care.

Unfortunately, this morning as I sit here with the rain pouring down, on a day we'll be going to church..I find that I still care.
Did he ever wish he could ask my forgiveness?
Did he think I wouldn't?
Was he scared to ask?
They say he became a Minister, I'm sure he had to ask God's forgiveness...did he think after that he didn't need to ask mine?

I wish he had. The forgiveness spoken, whether face to face or on the phone, would've healed more of the scars.
Especially the emotional ones, as I sit here listening to the pouring rain, like the raining in my heart when I wonder why...on his birthday...I miss him for the good times in between the bad ones.
I want to hug him and tell him it's ok
I want to tell him I know now it was the alchohol
I want to ask him to forgive ME for hating him as long as I did after I remember it all.

It's raining, everywhere

Happy Birthday Daddy, why do I miss you?

 

[FallingWaters]

Awww... thank you for sharing your heart that way...

I'm sure he wishes he had asked you to forgive him.

Maybe he thought you might have forgotten.
Maybe he didn't want to open up a can of worms.

 

[ForHisGlory]

Thank you FW
I forgave him in time.Thank you for reading and replying

 

[ForHisGlory]

I've been listening to praise music for the last hour so am feeling very up...so maybe I'll spend some time in this forum doing what I do best... helping others.
Hugs

 

[UnitynLove]

I'm sure he does forgive you. You are his daughter and there is a certain love that a parent has for a child that is unending. God knows you are trying.

 

[ForHisGlory]

.

 

[FallingWaters]

Well, I still think he wishes now that he had received you and forgiven you.

The first time I forgave my abuser, he was indignant! What in the world did I have to forgive him for?! I was hurt, and it made me angry that he actually thought he hadn't done anything wrong- when in fact he ruined my life.

I ended up having to go through grief and recovery before I could fully forgive him. That was 16 years ago, and I have been continually improving ever since.

I'm glad you were able to forgive him. That is so important. May God richly bless you!

 

[ForHisGlory]

Well, I still think he wishes now that he had received you and forgiven you.

The first time I forgave my abuser, he was indignant! What in the world did I have to forgive him for?! I was hurt, and it made me angry that he actually thought he hadn't done anything wrong- when in fact he ruined my life.

I ended up having to go through grief and recovery before I could fully forgive him. That was 16 years ago, and I have been continually improving ever since.

I'm glad you were able to forgive him. That is so important. May God richly bless you!

Thank you...we never spoke again after I confronted him 25 years ago
Like I said in the first post the 22nd would have been his 68th birthday. He died 3 years ago. He never knew I forgave him...but God knew, thats what mattered.

Hugs and thank you

 

[Gatorgal]

Hello! Your story is a lot like mine. I was raised in a home where my dad was also an alcholic. I hated him with all that was in me. He was also abusive. I would beg my mom to leave him. Her reply would always be the same, "I know God is going to save him." Well, I really did not care if God saved him or not. When I turned 15 years old my dad did get saved!!! I still could not forgive him. At the age of 16 my mother, the only person I could ever go to died. I thought my life was over. I tried to end it once. Praise God it didn't happen. My dad did ask for forgiveness. But I was not walking with the Lord and was not about to. After I got married, God started to work with me about forgivness and I did finally forgive him. I would have never in a million years guessed what a good relationship we would turn out to have. My dad died in 1996, I miss him so much. I did get to have 12 great years with my dad. You know, your dad might not have gotten the chance to ask for your forgivness, but you have to forgive him and then let it go. That is the hardest part, letting go.
I pray that God will comfort you and help you past whatever saddness you are feeling. I know now that what I went through as a child has made me a great parent!!!! Take care!!!

 

[mustang_94]

Well how appropriate that it would be pouring out this morning..on what would be my fathers 68th birthday.
Why would I feel a sadness and a loneliness for him is beyond me. Would I have picked up the phone today to call my aunt to have her tell him Happy Birthday?
Yes the rain is appropriate..like the cleansing of sin, the cleansing of forgiveness.

Is it coincidence that I'd be asked if I'd rather Moderate the Recovery area, it it coincidence that I've stayed out of that area until last night?

Yes I need to be there, I need to keep immersing myself in helping those who've been through what I have...I'm ready to begin it here, where people know me.
Today I feel the need to post there though...

Once I said I wondered of he ever asked forgiveness from God, Once I said I wonder when the phone will ring for him to ask forgiveness from me.
After he died I got my answer to the second part, I still wonder about the first.
At one point I said it didn't matter anymore and why should I even care.

Unfortunately, this morning as I sit here with the rain pouring down, on a day we'll be going to church..I find that I still care.
Did he ever wish he could ask my forgiveness?
Did he think I wouldn't?
Was he scared to ask?
They say he became a Minister, I'm sure he had to ask God's forgiveness...did he think after that he didn't need to ask mine?

I wish he had. The forgiveness spoken, whether face to face or on the phone, would've healed more of the scars.
Especially the emotional ones, as I sit here listening to the pouring rain, like the raining in my heart when I wonder why...on his birthday...I miss him for the good times in between the bad ones.
I want to hug him and tell him it's ok
I want to tell him I know now it was the alchohol
I want to ask him to forgive ME for hating him as long as I did after I remember it all.

It's raining, everywhere

Happy Birthday Daddy, why do I miss you?

I want to thank you for posting. I call this recovery! So many people just stay stuck in the problem! I am a hunt and peck typer or this would be a long post.

I have been a member of A.A almost 30yrs. They kept trying to tell me that recovery is not about the problem, it's about the solutions. And I kept slipping. But, one day the lights came on!!! And I started to focus on solutions instead of problems.

The basic problem was, I just had not liked the answers. Forgive? Huh! Not likely. Look to see where I was a self-centered person? Truth is, I did not even understand what that meant. Of course, I could use the phrase in a sentence but did not comprend.

If some are wondering why I am posting here, please see writers guild on hobby section and read "This may be the foreword to the book".

Love and good wishes to all.