My first in a long time.

[delicate_flower]

-~*~- My Heart Grieves -~*~-

Cradled in my palms I hold a delicate case,
A fragile shell, cracked by a heartless hand;
I cover the broken sides, trying to hide
The fetus, the unborn child, with all that I can.

Not knowing how I came but here I am,
Alone, afraid, running for both our lives;
Here she comes behind, hoping she won’t find
The child, the worthless being; sanity slowly dies.

I lock the door to lock out her lies,
Climb in the closet, she won’t find us here.
Hold your breath; keep your hand clasped around
The babe, the unfortunate dead; try not to fear.

Footsteps surrounding are frightfully near;
Gasp, don’t breathe! Stop, don’t think!
Don’t take one step, do not let her hear
The crying, her baby dying; try not to blink!

The sting of the breeze bites with a clink,
A gash to my soul! She takes him by the head,
And with one heartless blow… my heart sinks below...
Wretched World!! She lives; and the child is dead.

-~*~- Sonya B. -~*~-
-~ March 21, 2005 ~-

This poem is a dream that I had last week. I was trying to protect an unborn baby boy from being destroyed by his mother. I held the fetus in my palms and she was chasing me because I wanted the baby to live. It was a very strange dream and it has been on my mind for some time now. I was inspired to write about it and hopefully, the poem is not as bad as I think it is.

 

[ConstanceB]

You must know you have the gift of evoking an emotional response. Is the signature statement ("delicate flower") yours? The line below your username, is that your own work?

The poem probably needs some refining -- as does nearly every creative work. (Even Moses threw away the first draft of the ten commandments. Ha!)

You begin strongly, and build from there. You've loosely followed a poetic form that allows for sentence-like lines. I believe the final phrase in the first two stanzas might be recrafted to the whole work's advantage.

The last stanza is incredible. Some might find fault with the first line -- I had a difficult time reconciling sting/breeze/bites/clink, but it may just be me. If I had been told up-front that yours was a poem about abortion, I probably would have smiled and passed it up. Your poem, however, kept me reading, and the final line was worth the time.

I applaud you and your work. cb

 

[delicate_flower]

Yeah, I wrote this poem early this morning. I was thinking of rewriting a few things in it so I might do that later on today. But thanks for the advice and response.

Oh yeah, the little poem in my signature and the line under my username are my own work.

 

[ConstanceB]

Yeah, I wrote this poem early this morning. I was thinking of rewriting a few things in it so I might do that later on today. But thanks for the advice and response.

Oh yeah, the little poem in my signature and the line under my username are my own work.

Both are beautiful.

 

[NINGirl]

Great work, flower. I admire your work so much.