LovebirdsFlying
My husband drew this cartoon of me.
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My oldest daughter, E, grew up watching her father abuse me, and was a victim of sexual abuse by him.
Now 24 years old, she is in an emotionally abusive relationship. It is taking her some time to recognize that it is emotionally abusive. She is like a fly on a pile of poop: she thinks it's the sweetest place on earth, because it's the only place she's ever known. She thinks this man hung the moon--and I know better. Before her, that man dated my OTHER daughter, T, and she dumped him.
Phone conversations recently have included the following:
"He wouldn't ever hit me. He's not a hitter. Well, I know he put his hands on T once, but that was justified because..." (she went on to describe the incident, as no doubt he told her it went.)
I cut in. "Uh, wait a minute. I was there. That's not how it happened." (I had been ready give that man whatfor after he grabbed T's neck in a not too gentle manner, but I didn't have to, because T did it before I had the chance. Good girl.)
So E realized that, either he didn't tell it the way it happened, or else it happened twice. Neither of those is acceptable. But then:
"Well, he knows better than to hit me, because I told him if he ever does, it's over."
Which is good as far as it goes, but the problem is, I wouldn't think of saying such a thing to Hubby, because it wouldn't even be an issue. It would never enter his mind to abuse me in any way. I don't have to draw a line. He doesn't need one. So I asked, "What are you doing in a relationship where you have to tell him he'd better not ever hit you? It shouldn't be something he'd even consider doing."
Tonight, when E called, she mentioned that an earlier phone conversation with him had been disconnected. She'd gone into a full scale panic thinking he was mad at her and had hung up on her. That wasn't the case, but now she's asking herself: Why am I in a relationship where a phone call gets cut off, and that's the first thing I think?
E knows that this door is always open to her, and we live thousands of miles away from *him.* She has options if she wants to get out, and that could happen very soon. (Of course, to him I'm just an interfering mother who is trying to break them up.)
Everyone please keep her in your prayers. She needs out.
Now 24 years old, she is in an emotionally abusive relationship. It is taking her some time to recognize that it is emotionally abusive. She is like a fly on a pile of poop: she thinks it's the sweetest place on earth, because it's the only place she's ever known. She thinks this man hung the moon--and I know better. Before her, that man dated my OTHER daughter, T, and she dumped him.
Phone conversations recently have included the following:
"He wouldn't ever hit me. He's not a hitter. Well, I know he put his hands on T once, but that was justified because..." (she went on to describe the incident, as no doubt he told her it went.)
I cut in. "Uh, wait a minute. I was there. That's not how it happened." (I had been ready give that man whatfor after he grabbed T's neck in a not too gentle manner, but I didn't have to, because T did it before I had the chance. Good girl.)
So E realized that, either he didn't tell it the way it happened, or else it happened twice. Neither of those is acceptable. But then:
"Well, he knows better than to hit me, because I told him if he ever does, it's over."
Which is good as far as it goes, but the problem is, I wouldn't think of saying such a thing to Hubby, because it wouldn't even be an issue. It would never enter his mind to abuse me in any way. I don't have to draw a line. He doesn't need one. So I asked, "What are you doing in a relationship where you have to tell him he'd better not ever hit you? It shouldn't be something he'd even consider doing."
Tonight, when E called, she mentioned that an earlier phone conversation with him had been disconnected. She'd gone into a full scale panic thinking he was mad at her and had hung up on her. That wasn't the case, but now she's asking herself: Why am I in a relationship where a phone call gets cut off, and that's the first thing I think?
E knows that this door is always open to her, and we live thousands of miles away from *him.* She has options if she wants to get out, and that could happen very soon. (Of course, to him I'm just an interfering mother who is trying to break them up.)
Everyone please keep her in your prayers. She needs out.
blessings. xo dee
