My daughter thinks she is a man

[SaviorIsAlive99]

Hello Christian Forums,
I am new here, and I joined to get advice for this issue. My daughter, who is 18 and lives at home still, recently asserted to me that she is a man and is looking into a sex change. Being a Christian and raising her as one, I was shocked and horrified. I had expected her at this age to begin seeking a husband and becoming a good wife and mother in a few years in accordance with Biblical standards. She cut her hair off and began dressing in men's clothes. This goes against everything I believe and know to be true. I have tried everything to get through to her: showed her Bible verses, took her to Christian counseling with our pastor and with licensed therapists, prayed over her, but she is so stubborn. She wants nothing to do with our family's beliefs and values anymore. She says she was "born this way" and it is a medical condition. No, it's most certainly not, this is a sinful lifestyle and it will only cause her suffering and pain. She will only find happiness when she follows God's mighty plan for her life. I explained to her that I remember her birth, and she was born with FEMALE parts, and has developed appropriately as a young woman, and those developments were designed for one man someday. <edit>
I worry that she will go through some kind of medical procedures and then find God's truth, but it will be too late. <edit> I want desperately to stop her. Is there anything I'm missing, anything else I could try to convince her? Can anyone offer insight into this situation? And your prayers are appreciated!!! My wife and I are absolutely baffled by this. I am thinking that I should kick my daughter out of my house if she does not stop this ridiculous behavior, as for ME and MY HOUSE, we will serve the LORD!
Tom

 

[jennimatts]

This is a very difficult situation, and I am a little surprised no one has posted their advice, or even a simple "we'll be praying for you" over the past four weeks.

I would like to encourage you to commit to loving her unconditionally. That doesn't necessarily mean you accept her actions. Tell her that while you don't approve of what she is doing, you still love her. Also, I recommend that you listen without preaching at her. You have already taught her what you believe, raised her to be a Christian, and have showed her scripture. At the age of 18, you cannot cause her to live life by your dictates, and she needs to be given freedom and respect to make her own decisions.

I know it feels that she is rejecting you and God. Although you worry that it will be too late for her to "find God's truth", having a sex change is not an unpardonable sin. You need to pray and let the Holy Spirit work in her life.

It likely would be best for everyone for her to move out. I think, however that this should be something you mutually agree on rather than kicking her out. You are not rejecting her as your child, it's only the choices of how to live life about which you disagree.

The parable of The Prodigal Son comes to mind. Clearly the father would have a good idea what his son was going to do, yet he did not deny his sons request for his portion of the inheritance.

If your daughter leaves believing you still love her and care for her, then perhaps she will return to seek your guidance later. Will this be easy? Certainly not. But, I think you would want to leave open the possibility that she could return, rather than to shut her out permanently.

I will post more later. Please pray and consider what I've written above before reading further.

Sincerely,
Jenni

 

[jennimatts]

After thinking about this, my follow-up should be a private message. There are some issues and details that may need to be discussed that might not be entirely appropriate for a public forum.

I am praying for your family. God bless!

 

[jade_ja]

I would definitely not recommend kicking your daughter out. That is just going to tell her that her parents do not care enough to be there for her during this difficult time in her life. You may not accept her decisions, but it is her life and the best you can do for her is show her that you love her no matter what and you will not abandon her when she needs you. I have a friend who feels that she is really a boy inside (I believe she is actually a hermaphradite) and plans on getting the surgery to become a man sometime in the future. Her mother is completely unsupportive of this and, frankly, it is ruining their relationship because her mother refuses to acknowledge her daughter's feelings on the matter.

I think the reason your daughter is rejecting all that you say about her "sinful lifestyle" is because you are overwhelming her with all the bible verses and counseling. I am not sure of anywhere in the bible where it says that one cannot change their gender. And I cannot imagine what your daughter would have to go through living her whole life in a body she is not comfortable with and doesn't feel "right" to her. I am by no means trying to tell you to change your opinion over what you feel is right or a sin, but at least be there for your daughter when she needs your love and support more than ever.

You will be in my prayers.

 

[raven1]

Hi I say that you need to at least consider it a possiblity that she was born that way and that it is a medical condtion. I know people who are like that and they say they have felt that way all of there lives but I agree it is not biblical and I would continue to try and stress that.

 

[Jazer]

Hi I say that you need to at least consider it a possiblity that she was born that way and that it is a medical condtion.

If she was a man she would have a male Y Chromosome. It would be easy enough to test for.