I'm 19 and for most of my entire life I've lived a pitiful and pathetic life. I failed in just about everything I set out to do. I have wanted to die for years and even more so now. There have been people who have damaged my psyche on a profound level by making me think that I am inferior to everyone else. I see them living happier and more fufilling lives than me. All the while I find myself suffering living in shambles without any hope of things getting better. I feel nothing but hatred and resentment toward each and everyone thats hurt me and when I see them living better lives than me I want to destroy their lives. I also suspect my father may just drive me out of the house eventually. I have no means to get a job or getting anything. I don't even know where to begin with pursuing a career in network engineering. It is quite competitive and I don't believe I have the intelligence or competence to do any kind of job let alone be competitive. If I killed myself I would go to hell and if I live life will be a hell. I need advice please.
