My Confession

[ShadowsChild]

So.. I am 27 years old and have multiple same-sex relationships. Both while not walking in my faith, and while I professed to be a christian. (I even attended a GLBTQ church for a while)
I haven't been in said type of relationship for some time now, but I am finding it harder and harder to avoid.
As a single mother, of course I am looking to date again and find another partner to come along side my life and my daughters - but instead of looking at the males, I find myself watching the females. It doesn't help that my daughter's father was an abusive, drug using, alcoholic and the idea of being with another man after that absolutely terrified me. I have gotten psychiatric care to deal with those issues, but I find myself still wary (as I am assured that many people would be)

I spoke to my pastor about this and he advised me to be open and blunt about this. I have no one where I live. It's virtually me and my daughter and that's it (no friends really, or at least very few who would be willing to listen) So this is me, being blunt and saying, yes - I struggle.

Thanks for listening.

 

[grandvizier1006]

I know it must be very tough, especially after everything you've been through with your past husband. But please remember that just because you are having same-sex attractions doesn't mean that you have to listen to them. Will they go away? I don't know, but my point is that you don't need to let your past define you. I think, psychologically, your brain is telling you that another woman wouldn't hurt you, and that another man would, which of course isn't true at all.

And of course remember that homosexuality is an action, not a noun or an adjective. I had SSA once, too, but I've realized that I don't need to be defined by it. I don't have to identify as "gay" or "bisexual" simply because of my past. In the same way, you should try your best to remember that you don't have to become a lesbian simply because your previous husband was abusive.

It's much easier said than done, of course, but I think one way to look at it is that sexuality is determined by identity, rather than whom you find yourself attracted to. It's obviously not a "choice" as to who you find yourself attracted to, but you do have a choice as to how you respond. You are not defined by your past--rather, you are defined by your commitment to Christ.

Focus on Christ above all else, rather than uncertainties regarding your sexuality. I know it's tough since I've been there, but just remember that in Heaven it doesn't matter since sex in general will be replaced by even greater pleasure. Sexuality is mysterious and strange, and attempts to pinpoint it and place different sexual orientations in different groups aren't necessary. If you feel like you "just can't" date men, then focus instead on your relationship with Christ, rather than trying to "cure yourself". And finally, remember that feelings do not reflect reality. Feelings can often be illusions and really shouldn't be relied upon as indicators of what a person is.

My point is, you don't fight this by "trying really hard". You simply acknowledge it as something you struggle with (which you have) and then keeping it in mind as you go through life.

God bless, I'll keep you in my prayers

 

[phydaux]

Bless you for taking the step to open up and be vulnerable. There's still a lot of anonymity that goes with posting on an internet forum, but never the less good for you for taking that step of faith.

I'm sorry that your relationship with your daughter's father was an abusive one. Yes, it is natural that you would be skittish after surviving an abusive relationship.

I'm glad your pastor didn't freak out when you confessed your SSA. Many older pastors literally have no idea how to handle such a confession.

It comes as no surprise to The Lord that his children, young and healthy, get caught up in sexual sin. Sometimes it comes as a surprise to us, or to our pastors, but not to God. He know our hearts.

Sexual sin is sexual sin, be it with men or women. And sin is sin, be it sexual or robbing banks. There are two things we know:

God wants us to be pure.

and

If we confess our sin, then He is faithful and just to forgive us our sin, and to cleans us from all unrighteousness.

So again, bless you for making your public confession.

Not sure where you are in Alberta, or what resources are available in your area. I'll let someone else chime in.

It's natural for you to desire a life parent and a co-parent for your daughter. To that, I'll say the same thing I say to everyone who expresses that desire - Rather than trying to find the right person, focus on being the right person.

God Bless.

 

[1watchman]

Yes, as phydaux said, put God first in your life and walk and talk with Him, for He cares. If you know the Lord Jesus as your Savior, make Him your best Friend and be devoted to Him, and walking and talking with Him all day. You will be comforted, for Jesus said: "I will never leave you" and "I am with you always" ---just be sure your hope is in Him and not just religious works (read and pray over John 14 for much blessing).

You may write me at my PM if you would like to talk privately about some resources. Look up always! - Sincerely in Christ, 1watchman

 

[ShadowsChild]

Thank you very much, everyone.
It was nice to just admit it truthfully.
Pastor C is right.. making it open is an easier burden to bare

 

[dude99]

Praying for healing in your life.

 

[Johnnz]

Abusive men distort sex for a woman very badly. However one's sex drive remains active. For some abused women same sex relationships can seem 'safer', less aggressive, more caring. I have found many abused women experience such thoughts or do have a same sex relationship. Self image gets battered from abuse, the inner cry to be believed, accepted, treated respectfully can get linked to one's biological drive which contributes to guilt, confusion, and wanting an outlet to satisfy those multiple factors.

John
NZ