My Boyfriend...

[California Dreamin']

Hi everyone,
Tonight my boyfriend told me that he has a porn addiction. (I am sure you have all seen these posts before). He has come to the first step though, he wants to change! I am so proud of him for that.
I am praying for him, and if anyone else would like to as well, it would be appreciated. I know he can get through this eventually!

 

[Lbiagm]

I pray for him.

 

[California Dreamin']

Thanks!

 

[Philly_2004]

Thanks for praying for my honey, i hope that i can overcome addication.

 

[California Dreamin']

No problem

 

[veronica84]

I am here for both of you

 

[Lbiagm]

I prayed.

 

[California Dreamin']

thank you

 

[mathias1979]

Hey there, I'll say some prayers as well. But you may want to have him check out this link:

http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/course

It's a 60-day online course that aims to help people get over sexual addictions by turning their focus towards God. It really helped be overcome my struggle, and has helped many other men (and women) as well.

-Matt

 

[FaithfulServant]

Yes, I would also suggest the website that mathias mentioned. Your boyfriend can't fight this battle alone because the battle belongs to the Lord.

 

[California Dreamin']

Thanks everyone.
He did check out the site, he told me about it before I saw that you posted it. I guess he was looking at this thread earlier.
I was just having a really bad day and blamed myself and everything... it's something that he had before he met me... I'm doing better now.

 

[mathias1979]

Thanks everyone.
He did check out the site, he told me about it before I saw that you posted it. I guess he was looking at this thread earlier.
I was just having a really bad day and blamed myself and everything... it's something that he had before he met me... I'm doing better now.

I know I can't completely understand the woman's perspective, but I can understand that you would feel some rejection or responsibility. But speaking as a former addict, it really has absolutely nothing to do the lack of appeal to a SO. It's really something that is becoming a bit of a plague in society and it's very difficult for people (men especially) not to develop a fixation on sex and pornography. I'm sure you may struggle with some feelings of your own for a time...but just remember, the fact that he has been willing to come clean with you and make an effort to overcome the problem is just a representation for how much love and respect he really has for you and the Lord!

-Matt

 

[Mr.Cheese]

We didn't have the internet when I was in my late teens and I'm glad. Porn comes to you. You don't have to go looking for it. I still fell when the internet came around though.

This is something that will require both mercy and firmness. Guys don't understand that girls take this personally. We don't mean for that to happen. So on ethe one hand, don't get upset at yourself or think that you are responsible for his addiction. You've done nothing wrong. It has nothing to do with you. But on the other hand, it hurts you. You can't help but feel like something is wrong with you. You are under no obligation to have to put up with this. It's not your job or duty to put up with this. It's time for him to be a man about this.
Perhaps that will require you putting things on hold until he figures things out.

 

[California Dreamin']

Hi everyone...
We are still together and doing well. Last night he told me that he did not look at any porn Sunday night!

 

[EmSchmem]

CareBear
It is possible to continue a relationship with a man that has this addiction and I DO understand how you feel. My husband has had this struggle for many years and though it is somewhat better now he does fall occassionally. We once got in a really huge fight becuase he wouldn't show me what was in his back pocket. Totally freaked out on me. I had meant to make him sleep on the couch. He finally told me what it was and it was some pictures he had printed off MONTHS before and had forgetton about and left in his car. Then he found them and was going to bring them in to throw away and forgot they were in his back pocket. We ended up working it out and I explained to him I was much more upset of his deception than the act ittself. I have some similar struggles so I understand. But most of the time I wish that as good as he was at forgetting to throw the pictures away, that he would forget about the porn all together.
And no it doesn't really have anything to do with us specifically but it does hurt deeply. That's part of satan's scheme here. It takes fulfilling our husbands (or future husbands) sexual needs that God intended us to fulfill (and vice versa before people get all huffy about how we're here for just sex) out of our hands and denies us that intimacy. So in effect it has a LOT to do with us and it is our problem right along with theirs, though in different ways.
For my husband and I, it has also been a major way we have learned to serve God and show grace. Because of some abuse issues, I take his chance to fulfill me out of his hands alot. We are just learning to work through it and gives those things to God and to each other instaed of taking care of them ourselves. It has been great. Our sex life started out pretty bad and it has gotten simply wonderful. We had a tragedy a few weeks ago and it has actually brought us very close to one another as far as intimacy, when we feared that it would be the opposite.
The best thing I can suggest, practically, for both of you, is to keep talking to your peers at church. And honestly if there isn't anyone you can talk about this to at church, it may be time to start looking for a new one. You both need to be talking (seprately) to your own gender about this. Not for more advice or anything (though they may have great advice) but for support and prayer. This IS a difficult thing to have in a marraige but it's in a LOT of marriages. Of marriage is something you are working toward you are going to want to know how to handle everything when it happens in marriage.
Feel free to PM me anytime if you want to talk.

Emily

 

[California Dreamin']

Emily...
I don't know how to thank you... Actually speaking about my b/f.. he was supposed to be online 14 min ago.
Anyways, thank you so much for posting your story!