My boy is afraid to potty. Help?

[WolfGate]

Yes, another potty question, but it's specific enough that I didn't add it to the other thread.

He will be 3 next month, and is deathly afraid to go in the potty. So much so that when he's in underwear he simply won't go, period. Then, when it gets too uncomfortable, he'll beg to be put in a diaper. If we don't, he'll eventually pee on himself. If we do, he'll immediately fill up the diaper. So his bladder reflexes are ready.

I've asked him about it and he says he's afraid to go in the potty. There's even a new toy he wants waiting for him if he just does it once, and he won't.

He knows when he needs to go, because he'll tell us. He just seems to be afraid to do so with his pants down.

Anyone encountered this? Any advice?

 

[desi]

My wife bought a bag of m&ms. After her or our older children went potty and washed their hands they got 3 m&ms. Our youngest daughter didn't have to see this too many times to figure out how things worked... she was pottytrained in a week or so. If you focus on fear of potty he will too. Just say 'if you don't want to go potty fine. Its your choice if you want to use the potty like a big boy.'

 

[TexMom]

My son justed turned 3 in May. He can go potty but chooses not too. From other mom's advice, they say keep trying, don't push, and eventually he will be ready.

 

[Andry]

Is he able to articulate why he's afraid? Perhaps it has little to do with the act itself. Just my guess.

My now 4yo was (and is sometimes) just afraid of what's inside the 'cave' in the toilet....you know, down the pipe where it gets dark. Yup...he's thinking monsters or some other 'thing' lives down there, ready to pounce on his penis or something. We've since talked it through, thank goodness.

 

[WolfGate]

Is he able to articulate why he's afraid? Perhaps it has little to do with the act itself. Just my guess.

My now 4yo was (and is sometimes) just afraid of what's inside the 'cave' in the toilet....you know, down the pipe where it gets dark. Yup...he's thinking monsters or some other 'thing' lives down there, ready to pounce on his penis or something. We've since talked it through, thank goodness.

OK, there may be something here. He can't answer an open ended question about why he's afraid, but he did say "yes" when I asked if he was afraid of falling in. Which struck me as strange since he tries to pee standing next to the toilet. So I wasn't sure how correct I'd really been in my question.

I'll try talking to him in this vein and see what happens.

And to the reminders not to push, thanks for those. We think we're not doing that, but it's always good to refresh the mind on that on, since we're the ones who get impatient about this thing.

 

[BeanMak]

one thing that helped in the beginning was have him sit facing the back of the toilet, that way he doesn't have to worry about losing his balance, falling in, missing the toilet etc.

 

[FroggyJK]

Have you tried a little potty that he can move from room to room? Might not be as threatening to him if it is his size.

I have similar situation. Although my three year old will sit on the potty to go pee pee , he is afraid to poop. I am finding that the more I try to "talk" to him about it, the more he gets anxious. I stopped trying to negotiate rewards, stopped trying to tell him how much better it is to go on the potty instead of in his pants and even asking him why he is afraid. Last week he finally when poop on the potty for the first time! He just went in all by himself (didn't come tell me he had to go potty like he usually does) sat down and went! All of a sudden I heard him crying. I went in and saw what he had done and showed him how excited I was. My thoughts on it are..... He just had to work through his fears on his own. I was only adding to the problem. I think at this age they know what they should be doing. They just have to want to do it and get past their fears.

..... he still has had a few accidents since then, but at least I know now that he is working through his fear.

 

[Andry]

It's truly an amazing transitional part of their lives isn't it? The next part of learning to poop is learning to hold it a while when you're on the road. I know all the strategic clean washrooms all over town between our house and our families and friends!

 

[karla]

I remember when my daughter started using the potty. She did so well until one time she actually watched herself poop and was terrified. We did the M&M things and we also just refused to put her in diapers. I ended up doing a lot of laundry, but the wet undies really seemed to bother her while the wet or poop diaper never did.

 

[WolfGate]

Thanks all. I've spent the last two evenings alone with him, trying to see where he is. I've reached the conclusion that he's not really scared, but that he's just decided he doesn't want to yet. Being "scared" is his excuse.

We're going to stop working on it for a while and let him get more ready on his timeschedule.

 

[FroggyJK]

Thanks all. I've spent the last two evenings alone with him, trying to see where he is. I've reached the conclusion that he's not really scared, but that he's just decided he doesn't want to yet. Being "scared" is his excuse.

We're going to stop working on it for a while and let him get more ready on his timeschedule.

Good deal.

I am in the same boat. Mine is slowly getting there. He is supposed to start preschool in about 4 weeks. All I can do is pray he will be ready by then so he can keep going (they are supposed to be completely potty trained for this school).

Good luck with your little man!

 

[evonne]

our son used to act afraid to sit on the potty and one day it occured to me to just be patient and give him time. Then all of a sudden when we went on a week long vaccation he just "poopy trained" himself. He has never looked back. I knew that in time he would stop going in his pants and go on his own. Also, we used cloth training pants It can be more washing but many pediatricians will recomment this over pull ups because the pull up is too much like the diaper. Eventually they don't like to walk around with wet pants and will learn to go in the potty and I also found that starting with a small potty and working up to the big one worked better. My son just turned three.

 

[ever]

My oldest was very easy to potty train, but I had problems with my youngest. My little one just turned 3 a week ago and has been potty trained since the fall. I guess I am not the most patient mom because I sat her on the poty and told her she could get up and play after she went (she was ready to go with a very full bladder). She finally went after an hour. The next time took a little less. I rewarded her a lot each time and by the end of the day she was sitting on her potty trying to go every 10 minutes just to get the reward. I don't think I did her any harm by forcing her. I don't think she suffered any permanent damage or will need therapy or anything...

 

[razzelflabben]

Kids can be funny about things like this, I remember well our third, I tried to potty train him and he refused, then one day, I heard him screaming in the bathroom, I ran to see how bad he was hurt just to find him pounding on the potty yelling. That was all it took.

I did have a thought while I read the posts however that I would think would be worth a shot in the dark. The toilet seat is cold and smooth and quite different in feeling from what a baby is used too. See if he will sit on the toilet with his clothes on. I did this with several of my children without them refusing, just to get them used to the idea that it is okay to sit on the potty. If the hinderance is the "feel", this will allow them to adjust. It might even help to let them pee in thier clothes while sitting on the potty for a time or two just to get the message accross. Makes more laundry but that milestone can be very liberating when you have success. Just a thought for what it's worth.