Moving On...

Hey all...was hoping to get some sound Christian advice on this...

I've been broken up with this girl for a year. She was my first love but there was a lot wrong with the relationship. Perpetual fighting and stress lead me to a break up. But for the past year its been a living hell trying to get my heart to move on. I don't know how to completely shut that door. I still think of her constantly and wish somehow time would turn back the clock. In our time apart we've tried to get back together and but it just never worked out. Also I found out things that happened with her in my time apart that I know I can't accept. Its my hearts in turmoil. I've been keeping my self really busy but I still find those pockets in my days, especially nights where I slip back into this depressionesqe state. Prayers seem to go unanswered.

Anyone able to relate? Any advice?

Thanks I appreciate it.

Sorry to hear that my friend
That I haven't been in your shoes
But God will lead you to that person
He has for you in mind to marry
And to be with the rest of your life
God only wants what is best for you my friend!

My only advice after kind of being there (as in in a serious relationship that didn't work out). Is that in time you will get over it as long as you totally cut off contact with her. Keeping contact with a person can be what keeps the wounds fresh.

Time really does heal those kinds of wounds eventually, but every time you see her again you'll just stir it back up.

You need to let her go, forgive, get closure and move on.

Forgiveness is the biggest thing. Even just for the disappointed hopes. Because if you don't completly forgive then you'll never get complete closure.

I agree with what Sherri said. Staying in contact and going through what ifs and trying to get back together when you know it won't work is like picking a scab that doesn't allow a wound to heal. Distance is uber important.

I have been there and if you don't have complete closure, it will be very difficult to move on. You need to shut that door, also break off any soul ties that may have been built during the relationship. Basically pray the blood of Jesus between the two of you and take authority over any spiritual and emotional connection that is still attaching you to this woman. Especially if you were in any way physically intimate, as God has created such intimacy for marriage to make two people one, and in dating relationships, being physical even if you aren't having sex; can connect your spirit to that person's. It would be good to pray that off.

Distance, time, forgiveness, and one step at a time. Also, when those thoughts or memories of your relationship come to mind, stop them on entry and hold them obediant to Christ. Take each thought captive and give it over to Christ. If it brings you peace and stands up to scripture and how God feels about you and the peace he wants you to feel, the thought is ok. But if it is causing pain, hurt, frusteration, confusion, torment, guilt, regret, or any of that other nasty stuff; kick that thought to the curb! Not by your own strength but with the authority and power of the name of Jesus!

B4A

I've had similar situations. For starters the other posters here had sound advice, Cut off contact. I don't care what people say, you can't go backwards and just be friends. In Some cases it's possible, but rare.
Just move on, and take what you've learned.
You said the 2 of you tried to get back together, and it didn't work. Don't waste any more time and energy on it, it sounds like it's draining you. Trust me, been there.
Trying relationships can suck the life right out of you.
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and walk tall. God's with you, and thats all you really need. In time he'll through another lady in you're direction. Til then, try your hardest not to think about it.

time will heal all wounds. me and my ex dated for 17 months and broke up 6 months ago. i see her 3 times a week due to church and youth group activities. i can be in the same room as her, talk to her, and everything and it doesn't bother me a bit. time will help you.

One thing I have come to find out-- loving someone is a choice, same as not loving someone is.

After my husband left me, I prayed for so long for him to come back or just prayed for the feelings I had for him, the breakup and such to just go away. I think for a couple years the only time I was at peace was when I was sleeping.

But when you are ready-- it just happens.

You also come out of that journey with a new outlook, new approaches, and learn what to and not to, take for granted.

Scoopy is right!

Ask God to heal your broken heart. My husband left me 2 months ago and of course I stay in contact with him because of the kids. My heart has been healed. I do not feel love for him at all except for caring for a person. I am not hurting anymore because God took care of it. I asked Him to heal me and watch over me and He has. All things are possible through God!!

I watched Dr. Phil and seen something similiar. What you might be wanting is to be able to control the situation and do the changing she needs. You want closure in the situation. We can't control how a person lives but we can only control how we live. Ask God for closure and to help you move on. You have to decide to move on. We don't always understand the reason or rhyme of things but have to trust God for our best interests.
I will be praying for you.

Thanks for the thoughts and prayer guys. I really appreciate that. It seems I tried everything...submitting things to God, countless prayers, counseling, keeping busy, breaking contact....but in the end my mind always returns to this. Especially at night when there are no distractions...its really frustrating because its screwing with my sleep.

I'm trying to keep my eyes and heart open to what God might be teaching me through this trial. But sometimes I just feel like I'm at a breaking point. I know that God refines us and tests us to grow into stronger Christians...I just hope that the end of this tunnel is near.