Moved from Christian Advice - I can't help my family...

Lee M said:

Motherprayer,

Actually I just tried to type all that I think I can tell about him and it suddenly dawned on me what I believe is happening... I think I see it now. The anger from his past that he has repeatedly testified of overcoming through Jesus Christ and through the methods he elaborates on having used really isn't gone at all, he's painfully put himself through many processes that allowed him to chain it up and keep it from showing but it's like his flesh quakes because it's still there deep, deep down in there that he doesn't remember anymore.

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A lot of people don't understand the difference between pushing anger down, and letting anger go. There is tremendous pressure among Christians, IMO, to push anger down rather than deal with it so they can be truly delivered.

My old pastor was on the opposite side, in my case and in the case of a very good friend, of the anger. He was the cause rather than the harborer. In my case, when I had clear direction (and every good reason logically lol) to leave my husband, he told me to go back. When I didn't, he suggested the problems we had been having were created by me, and possibly in my own head. In my friends case, she was assaulted by a member of the congregation, and the pastor told her not to go to the police. The pastor had taken on the role "spiritual father" for her, and so she followed that, and by the time she realized how wrong it was, it was too late for her to get justice. This was a non-denominational Christian church.

Eh, I'm still working through my anger with them. Its people like them who turn people away from God by the thousands. They make good people angry, and then use that anger against them, saying it will damage their relationship with God if they don't push it down. Truth is, it DOES damage one's relationship with God, because how can one see HIS goodness when its colored by the hypocritical and manipulative behavior of leaders in the church?! How is it possible for someone to comprehend HIS love for us when the humans who talk about it display something different, something conditional?

Okay, rant over. I have a wound. Still healing. Sorry.

Lee M said:

Ok, I had the conversation with my mother today, it went pretty well. She says she is trying to be a good mother and allow her children to go their own path without controlling them and that she has released into God's hands and that she isn't fearing or hurting over me.

We told each other that we loved each other, it went pretty well. I really appreciate everyone being kind enough respond to me and offer me their advice.

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I'm happy everything worked out will! Sounds like you have a very loving and caring mother. God bless her!

Did you get to talking about her faith?

Lee M said:

Ok, I had the conversation with my mother today, it went pretty well. She says she is trying to be a good mother and allow her children to go their own path without controlling them and that she has released into God's hands and that she isn't fearing or hurting over me.

We told each other that we loved each other, it went pretty well. I really appreciate everyone being kind enough respond to me and offer me their advice.

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that is awesome!! so glad u guys worked this out what an incredibly caring son you are

Lee: I hope I'm not too late to add this little tidbit. You seem intelligent. If your mother is so scared that you'll go to hell, is it out of the question that you could attempt to explain...ahem...the issue of translation regarding words such as Gehenna, Tartarus or Aeon? If you don't know what I'm talking about, PM me, as I tend to get reported when I come right out and say what I want to say here.

Lee M said:

Ok, I had the conversation with my mother today, it went pretty well. She says she is trying to be a good mother and allow her children to go their own path without controlling them and that she has released into God's hands and that she isn't fearing or hurting over me.

We told each other that we loved each other, it went pretty well. I really appreciate everyone being kind enough respond to me and offer me their advice.

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Sounds like a great start. I hope you guys are able to keep those difficult channels open. It sounds like you all love each other very much.

Lee M said:

I hope we are too, I have made the decision to refuse to talk to my sister. After she sent me the message she did the other day telling me how ridiculous I was and how awful my friends are (the worst thing she could have done) I told her to stop talking to me about God and she said ok. This morning I get several new messages about she's still praying for me and hoping in God that I'll be saved. I told her to not say these things to me anymore and she simply wouldn't stop so I plan to not speak to her again for about 6 months and hopefully she grows up some and stops feeling compelled to force me to look at all her plans for me.

I can understand that she cares for me if she does, that I can appreciate but this underhanded agenda to cause things in my life that she knows I am against, working against me... I cannot appreciate that and forcing me to recognize it and deal with it regularly is self serving. I can handle all her prayers, it's that she won't stop talking to me about it when that is too easy to not that angers me, just don't say it... that's all... all you have to do is choose not to let it out of your mouth! But that's too much to ask.

The Pastor said he and his church was going to be praying for me regularly and I told him he shouldn't burden his friends with that because I think it will only trouble them, I also don't appreciate his effort to cause things in my life he knows I am completely against. It's a sense of selfish entitlement to my affairs.

My mother approached it very differently though and I was happy with it, no doubt my mothers position toward me (being my mother and all) played a part in that.

***

Actually, now I'm not sure whether I really understand what I'm feeling. I'm not sure my care for my sister being sad and afraid is reconcilable with my anger at her for pushing me. If my position toward her is love and concern, then how is anger a by product? But maybe that's simplistic. I do care for her, I do hate Christian teachings, I do want freedom and respect, I am willing to push back and defend myself, I do value my self as much as I value anyone else... all these things play a part. Don't they?

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If I may ...

It sounds like you love and care about them ... but they simply are not respecting your boundaries. In their eyes, they have a right to do what they are doing .... so they don't view it as violating you. But from your standpoint, it's like someone constantly having an agenda with you ... and thus, it violates trust, breaks bonds, it breeds disrespect instead of respect, etc and so forth.

People don't realize that certain things are sacred, personal, private ... especially matters of faith at times. If you were married, say, they wouldn't barge in on you having sex and watch and comment and tell you what to do ... and they wouldn't ask to be able to share your spouse with everyone either. They would recognize those types of things as being private, personal, intimate, etc. But when it comes to faith, it's as though they are consistently trying to bring about what they wish, they want, they desire, and essentially believe it's their right to pursue and manipulate ... looking for ways to force, barge in, etc ... in an area that could be very personal.

And yes .... you would think it would be easy for when you tell a person to stop, that they simply would choose to not let those things out of their mouth. And then the opposite happens ! Not only do they not stop, but they continue to violate you spiritually, mentally, and emotionally and then claim it's out of love ! Cults do it, loved ones do it, perpetrators do it .... I know it's a part of relationships and learning each other's boundaries, but after so many years perhaps, you would hope the other person would finally see what they were doing and simply respect your wishes to stop saying manipulative, hurtful things .... yet the opposite happens. It can even fuel the fire.

I think your anger is understandable .... if someone is mentally and emotionally and spiritually forcing themselves on you, and you ask them to stop, and they don't stop .... a person gets defensive, angry, wants to fight back, etc. I think it's normal

I have my own opinion about why such people are so convinced they are doing something good instead of violating another, and what's actually going on when they have that "waiting for any opportunity" like a predator attitude. But that would probably just derail the thread lol ...

It's a very difficult thing to deal with ... I'm sorry you are dealing with it. I dealt with something similar for several decades, and it took a lot of hard work, and a lot of suffering in front of someone to finally get them to see what they were doing. And it still was almost too much for them to face. And I'm a believer ! lol

You're welcome

perhaps, if you want to put their minds at ease, you could ask your mother to pray with you one time. After that, I'm sure she'd pray this for you as long as she could.
This is a prayer I say for my loved ones who are not saved. That God keep them safe and keep them alive on this earth until the day their names a written in the book of life. Don't let their lives be lost unless their souls are lost also. Please keep them alive until they are saved. (those aren't the exact words I use, but close enough) You get what I mean.

Odd sounding advice? This sort of thing does happen. It happened in my own family.

For those reading this thinking, hey that's not fair, the guy lives an
un-Christian life and will get saved at the last second!
Would you rather he go to hell??

Lee M said:

A little, it ended up being an argument.

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Aw. That's too bad.

Well I'm glad your relationship with your mother is better