Mortal Sin?

Chrystal-J · Thursday at 7:06 PM

Lately, I've been doing an examination of conscience to prepare for confession. I'm not sure if that situation with that priest at my old church should be confessed. Long story short, he had a crush on me and I didn't like him at all (he had an out-of-control temper). But, he kept offering me money and I took it because at the time I was destitute. When he told me that he liked me, I think I should of just left the church and joined a different one. But, I let the situation drag out to keep receiving money and I truly did like the other parishioners.

He tried to come between me and my then boyfriend on the one hand, then offered to marry us on the other. The whole situation was crazy and spiraling out of control for about 2 years, but I didn't leave. When I would confess to him, he would go into detailed questioning about my relationship with my boyfriend. It was inappropriate. I also have reason to believe he broke the seal of confession by talking to other priests about my situation because when I would confess to another priest, they would say "Don't repeat your confessions". How did they know I had already confessed something? He also repeatedly asked to come over to my house "for dinner". After I finally left that church for a different one, I jumped every time someone knocked on my door because I thought it might be him. I know for a fact that he followed me once when I visited a church downtown, because he said he "sat in the back and watched the crowd" at this church on that date.

Anyway, I don't know what to do. On the one hand, he took advantage of my poverty to rope me into an insane situation. But on the other hand, I could of left that church much sooner and avoided a lot of stress.
He still sends me Christmas cards each year. So, he must still have some kind of feelings toward me.
I feel like I'm in mortal sin for not leaving sooner, but I also feel like he took advantage of me.

Would you all consider me not leaving sooner a mortal sin?

Michie · Thursday at 8:12 PM

Chrystal-J said:
Lately, I've been doing an examination of conscience to prepare for confession. I'm not sure if that situation with that priest at my old church should be confessed. Long story short, he had a crush on me and I didn't like him at all (he had an out-of-control temper). But, he kept offering me money and I took it because at the time I was destitute. When he told me that he liked me, I think I should of just left the church and joined a different one. But, I let the situation drag out to keep receiving money and I truly did like the other parishioners.

He tried to come between me and my then boyfriend on the one hand, then offered to marry us on the other. The whole situation was crazy and spiraling out of control for about 2 years, but I didn't leave. When I would confess to him, he would go into detailed questioning about my relationship with my boyfriend. It was inappropriate. I also have reason to believe he broke the seal of confession by talking to other priests about my situation because when I would confess to another priest, they would say "Don't repeat your confessions". How did they know I had already confessed something? He also repeatedly asked to come over to my house "for dinner". After I finally left that church for a different one, I jumped every time someone knocked on my door because I thought it might be him. I know for a fact that he followed me once when I visited a church downtown, because he said he "sat in the back and watched the crowd" at this church on that date.

Anyway, I don't know what to do. On the one hand, he took advantage of my poverty to rope me into an insane situation. But on the other hand, I could of left that church much sooner and avoided a lot of stress.
He still sends me Christmas cards each year. So, he must still have some kind of feelings toward me.
I feel like I'm in mortal sin for not leaving sooner, but I also feel like he took advantage of me.

Would you all consider me not leaving sooner a mortal sin?

Not really. You did not fail to act out of malice but desperation, fear, and confusion given his position. If you do confess it, you do not have to go into detail if questioned. You can say that you had an unhealthy acquaintance with a priest and felt manipulated. If there are questions answer them but you can just say you feel you may have committed a mortal sin by not leaving that parish earlier. I’m sure the priest will reassure you that you didn’t. It was an unfolding situation that would have left anyone confused. Add the fact you were in dire straits at the time… it seems to me that you may have been a victim of his machinations where he would have more to answer for.

Lady Bug · Thursday at 8:59 PM

I don't even know it's venial. I don't see any sin committed, unless I'm missing something.

Chrystal-J · Thursday at 10:23 PM

Michie said:
Not really. You did not fail to act out of malice but desperation, fear, and confusion given his position. If you do confess it, you do not have to go into detail if questioned. You can say that you had an unhealthy acquaintance with a priest and felt manipulated. If there are questions answer them but you can just say you feel you may have committed a mortal sin by not leaving that parish earlier. I’m sure the priest will reassure you that you didn’t. It was an unfolding situation that would have left anyone confused. Add the fact you were in dire straits at the time… it seems to me that you may have been a victim of his machinations where he would have more to answer for.

Thanks for the reply Michie. Maybe he manipulated me to the point where I thought it was my fault, when it was clearly his. If I can give thanks for Covid, it was the break I needed to realize that I should never go back to that church. That's when I left and formally joined a church I had been going to in conjunction with my old church. My car broke down and I could walk to my new church, so I started going there too. Out of bad situations, God can work wonders.

Chrystal-J · Thursday at 10:28 PM

Lady Bug said:
I don't even know it's venial. I don't see any sin committed, unless I'm missing something.

Looking back, it felt like I was taking money, then allowing him to fulfil some crude fantasy he had. It was a creepy feeling. The fact that this situation dragged on for so long made me feel bad. So, I wondered if confessing would help to lessen this negative feeling.

Lady Bug · Thursday at 11:42 PM

Chrystal-J said:
Looking back, it felt like I was taking money, then allowing him to fulfil some crude fantasy he had. It was a creepy feeling. The fact that this situation dragged on for so long made me feel bad. So, I wondered if confessing would help to lessen this negative feeling.

I often feel like I don't have to ask if I should confess something, I just do it
I see nothing wrong with confessing if the priest you are confessing to is not as bad as the previous one.

Bob Crowley · Friday at 9:52 AM

Obviously I don't know the whole story, but I get the sense it's past history. If I was in your situation I'd just move on. I don't think I'd even bother going to confession in case you inadvertently open another can of worms (talking about one priest to another priest).

You're a new creature in Christ, and I think you need to accept that. I certainly don't think you've committed a mortal sin.

Time to move on and put the past behind you, and don't dwell on it.

That's how I see it.

RileyG · Friday at 1:04 PM

Chrystal-J said:
Lately, I've been doing an examination of conscience to prepare for confession. I'm not sure if that situation with that priest at my old church should be confessed. Long story short, he had a crush on me and I didn't like him at all (he had an out-of-control temper). But, he kept offering me money and I took it because at the time I was destitute. When he told me that he liked me, I think I should of just left the church and joined a different one. But, I let the situation drag out to keep receiving money and I truly did like the other parishioners.

He tried to come between me and my then boyfriend on the one hand, then offered to marry us on the other. The whole situation was crazy and spiraling out of control for about 2 years, but I didn't leave. When I would confess to him, he would go into detailed questioning about my relationship with my boyfriend. It was inappropriate. I also have reason to believe he broke the seal of confession by talking to other priests about my situation because when I would confess to another priest, they would say "Don't repeat your confessions". How did they know I had already confessed something? He also repeatedly asked to come over to my house "for dinner". After I finally left that church for a different one, I jumped every time someone knocked on my door because I thought it might be him. I know for a fact that he followed me once when I visited a church downtown, because he said he "sat in the back and watched the crowd" at this church on that date.

Anyway, I don't know what to do. On the one hand, he took advantage of my poverty to rope me into an insane situation. But on the other hand, I could of left that church much sooner and avoided a lot of stress.
He still sends me Christmas cards each year. So, he must still have some kind of feelings toward me.
I feel like I'm in mortal sin for not leaving sooner, but I also feel like he took advantage of me.

Would you all consider me not leaving sooner a mortal sin?

No. No mortal sin. He’s the one that needs to go confession and repent.

Pray for our priests, I’m NOT excusing him AT ALL, but they also experience temptations.

Chrystal-J · Friday at 5:54 PM

RileyG said:
No. No mortal sin. He’s the one that needs to go confession and repent.

Pray for our priests, I’m NOT excusing him AT ALL, but they also experience temptations.

He really does need to repent. But, he always says "they can't get rid of me because there are too few priests already." I hope he does go to confession and ask for forgiveness for what he put me through.

Chrystal-J · Friday at 5:57 PM

Bob Crowley said:
Obviously I don't know the whole story, but I get the sense it's past history. If I was in your situation I'd just move on. I don't think I'd even bother going to confession in case you inadvertently open another can of worms (talking about one priest to another priest).

You're a new creature in Christ, and I think you need to accept that. I certainly don't think you've committed a mortal sin.

Time to move on and put the past behind you, and don't dwell on it.

That's how I see it.

I've changed a lot since 2020 (the last time I went to my old church). I really do feel like a new creature in Christ. Although, in the past, I've confessed things that I did 20 years ago because I wanted that sin out of my life. I'll continue to examine my conscience and see what Jesus reveals to me regarding my next confession.

Chrystal-J · Friday at 5:58 PM

Lady Bug said:
I often feel like I don't have to ask if I should confess something, I just do it
I see nothing wrong with confessing if the priest you are confessing to is not as bad as the previous one.

I was thinking that if I did decide to confess this situation, I would make an appointment to see the priest in his office. Maybe we could discuss this and he could help me to figure out if it's a sin on my part or not.

Lady Bug · Friday at 6:23 PM

Chrystal-J said:
I was thinking that if I did decide to confess this situation, I would make an appointment to see the priest in his office. Maybe we could discuss this and he could help me to figure out if it's a sin on my part or not.

FaithT from here would probably know my opinion on making appointments with priests. Make sure they're ugly enough

Chrystal-J · Friday at 6:37 PM

Lady Bug said:
FaithT from here would probably know my opinion on making appointments with priests. Make sure they're ugly enough

I'll make sure.

FaithT · Friday at 10:14 PM

Lady Bug said:
FaithT from here would probably know my opinion on making appointments with priests. Make sure they're ugly enough

LOL!

Angeldove97 · Friday at 11:03 PM

Chrystal-J said:
I was thinking that if I did decide to confess this situation, I would make an appointment to see the priest in his office. Maybe we could discuss this and he could help me to figure out if it's a sin on my part or not.

You may want to go ahead and raise this up to the Bishop tbh. People who hit on others are usually repeat offenders and we've had enough of those in our Church. You may or may not be his first, you probably will not be his last. Maybe he will go further with others.

Lady Bug · Saturday at 12:28 AM

Angeldove97 said:
You may want to go ahead and raise this up to the Bishop tbh. People who hit on others are usually repeat offenders and we've had enough of those in our Church. You may or may not be his first, you probably will not be his last. Maybe he will go further with others.

I still think about the priest at the church I was confirmed at. The parishioners all love the heck out of him but I feel like I know better. He's charming, no doubt and kind of handsome but when I did the Rite of Acceptance thing on a separate day than the others, I was in the pews and he said right to me in front of everyone something like "New believers in Apostolic times had to take off all their clothes."

FaithT · Saturday at 12:39 AM

Lady Bug said:
I still think about the priest at the church I was confirmed at. The parishioners all love the heck out of him but I feel like I know better. He's charming, no doubt and kind of handsome but when I did the Rite of Acceptance thing on a separate day than the others, I was in the pews and he said right to me in front of everyone something like "New believers in Apostolic times had to take off all their clothes."

Ewww. Creepy.

RileyG · Saturday at 8:30 AM

Chrystal-J said:
He really does need to repent. But, he always says "they can't get rid of me because there are too few priests already." I hope he does go to confession and ask for forgiveness for what he put me through.

Well, hopefully he learns some humility! Lord have mercy!

Chrystal-J · Sunday at 7:30 PM

The priest at my church was doing confession Saturday, but I chickened-out and sat down for Mass instead. I'm going to keep discerning. I have a bad habit of taking the blame for people who are abusive toward me. This may be the case with this situation. So, for now, I'm not going to confess anything pertaining to this and will pray for clarity.

Angeldove97 · 2025-08-06T18:31:08-0500

Lady Bug said:
I still think about the priest at the church I was confirmed at. The parishioners all love the heck out of him but I feel like I know better. He's charming, no doubt and kind of handsome but when I did the Rite of Acceptance thing on a separate day than the others, I was in the pews and he said right to me in front of everyone something like "New believers in Apostolic times had to take off all their clothes."

Ewww.... some people just don't know how to read a room. We had a visiting (much older) priest once who told the joke (DURING THE HOMILY): Men open car doors for two occasions.... once to get in it themselves and two to let their mistress in.

This happened 10+ years ago, I have no idea what the homily was about, but I remember how horrified I was that a priest would tell a horrible joke like during Mass.

Mortal Sin?

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